MONEY shot in the BALLs

MONEYBALL, coming to theaters near you, is not a sports movie, at least not in the traditional, saccharine quest that’s come to define the genre. Think THE NATURAL. MIGHTY DUCKS. MIRACLE. Even ANY GIVEN SUNDAY. Because this movie isn’t about the heart of the athlete or even the coach, not really. And it’s not about some athlete who goes from nobody to somebody. It’s about the numbers, pure and simple.

To start off I hate baseball. Everybody always yells at me “But it’s America’s national pastime”. To that I say so is slavery and imperialism. Baseball I find to be filled with this nostalgic whimsy that directs people’s attention from the fact that it’s the slowest activity to be called “a sport” in the history of mankind.  It romanticizes this sport, romanticizes the 1 moment when a round ball flies by a Neanderthal club, romanticizes the heart in the player who comes out of retirement after being near-fatally shot by some crazy broad to fill the world with hope (though in the book THE NATURAL gives in the gamblers because after he hits that home run, what the fuck is he gonna do? Hopefully just disappear for all the fans care). And that’s the point Billy Beane, to be played by a phenomenal Brad Pitt, tries to drive home – throwing the romance aside, this “sport” can be reduced to little more than numbers, an equation acted out by human beings instead of digits and ASMD symbols.

But even more, iMONEYBALL’s about Man’s Ambition to disprove the old lore surrounding this sport. To fight against the establishment. That should be any great man’s goal – to subvert the powers that be, to revolutionize atavistic systems, and to tell the old codgers who’ve been scampering through the same rut since the Civil War that their time is up.

It’s harsh, sure, but that’s the reality this film drives home. And hell, such was the process of making the movie, a superman quest running through 6 writers and 2 directors, various manifestations of supporting cast, and even switching from being more realistic and documentary to being restructured and redefined into a biopic non-baseball-fans, like myself, might even watch.

I can see Brad Pitt as Billy Beane. Jonah Hill will kill it as Peter Brand (formerly Paul DePodesta, fictionalized in the quest to make him seem more real), and Chris Pratt will make a decent Hatteberg, the only character who has a traditional “personal victory” sports moment. Not sure I’m feeling Philip Seymour Hoffman as Art Howe – would need to be a bit gruffer, tougher, in my opinion – but, as always, you can’t him out since Hoffman is possibly the best actor in the current world.

This will probably be a baseball player’s movie – apparently Hill was told these people talk about baseball like he talks about movies and he studied up accordingly so be ready for that. And the stat-trading in pro athletes is a much greater national pastime than the old round ball and bat.

On the other side, when was the last time a sports movie that wasn’t a character study on fighters got attention? If any can break that streak, it’s MONEYBALL.

I’m predicting an open in the low to mid 20 millions. Not bad. But then again, with the cast, anything’s possible, right? Let’s have some heart and forget the numbers. Or maybe not . . . 

- Ryan

NFC Southside

NFC SOUTH

A solid division, no doubt, they have some high-powered offenses. This is truly the finesse division with Matty Ice, Cool Brees, and the next mixed hype in Freeman. The Panthers did not get the memo, but they are doing what they are supposed to. Drafting a potential QB of the future, throwing him out on the field right away, letting him get the shit beaten out of him, and having him lose his confidence. 

Carolina Panthers

This team in no way should be associated with any type of predatory creature. They should be more of a goldfish or a cat. Either way, they have issues. Their line is weak. Only Kalil can really play. Luckily they have a QB who can scramble, but he is young. Look out for Newton to throw at least 20 picks. Possibly 20 TD’s, which is great for a rookie, but he will be turnover central. Don’t even think about the fact that he will fumble that ball like it’s a red headed step child. Steve Smith 2 is old and a curmudgeon. This angry little man, should have been let go. The reason they kept him? Because their tight end is also old as shit, but has a super sick tattoo so he gains some street cred at least. The only chance is the dynamic duo of Stewart and Williams. Solid RB’s. Just as humiliating is their defense. Beason is a solid player, and Godfrey is an up and coming elite safety, but besides them, they essentially suck. They will be lucky to win 4 games

Key Players

Newton

Williams

Kalil

Smith

Shockey

Defense

Beason

Godfrey

Anderson

Falcons

The Falcons can soar. They fly high and move quick. If this offense ran an up-tempo no huddle offense like Oregon, they couldn’t be stopped. Julio Jones on one side, Rowdy Roddy White on the other, still consistent Tony Gonzalez and Michael Turner running the ball, who can stop them? Besides this, they have a level a player at the helm in Matt Ryan. They can air the ball at will. No, the only chink in this team’s armor is their passing defense. Who are their corners, who are their safeties? In all honesty, no one gives a shit. The only upside this lonely defense has is a decent front seven. Their secondary blows dick, but their front seven can get enough pressure to make them off. 

Key Players

Ryan

Jones

Turner

White

Gonzalez

Defense

Peterson

Abraham

Edwards

Lofton

Tampa Bay Buccs

They have a chance. They are a solid team with the ability to break through at any time. Josh Freeman is a solid young talent in the league with the ability to be a pro bowler. With Williams and Winslow on the end of balls, this team has the talent. All you need to do is sag to these players, though the Freeman has nothing. Their running game is going to be a crowd pleaser; Blount is beast. Who is he going to punch next? Their line is decent, but Trueblood is overrated. He has the best name in the league but he’s not that strong. The defense is not what it used to be, but Talib and Barber are tough to pass . 

Key Players

Freeman

Trueblood

Williams

Winslow

Blount

Defense

Talib

Barber

Hayes

Bennett 

Saints

The city of New Orleans loves their history, their music, and their football team. If you want to watch a fun team, watch the Saints. Little Brees airing the ball to Moore, Colston, Henderson, and Thomas running the ball; watch out for this Team. If they can start connecting on all cylinders like during their Superbowl run, this team will be unstoppable. Even more important is their defense winning the turnover game. Two years ago, their defense thrived on opportunism. They did not lead the league in yards allowed, TD’s allowed, passing yards, but they got pick 6’s, fumble recoveries, and  took it to the championship. With Greer, Harper, and Vilma on the defense, this team  is quick as it can be. 

Key Players

Brees

Colston

Moore

Thomas

Defense

Harper

Greer

Vilma

Jenkins

NFC East - Top of the Heap

NFC East

The division with the most history is the NFC. With a reputation for providing the most consistent battles for domination, this division provides everything: Finesse, power, pain, suffering, hatred, and, above all, joy. There is no other division that receives this much attention or pageantry. Each team has a strong QB (besides the Redskins), a solid receiver (The Redskins) and the ability to win a championship at anytime (besides the Redskins). Eli, Romo, Vick, and I guess Grossman.

Eagles

I want to say it, but I just can’t. I’m so sick of the self proclaimed nickname. Anyone who makes up their nickname is gay. And not in a prejudiced way, no, I’m saying “Gay” in the insult on the playground way.  They did make the biggest splash in the open market and they have a solid player at almost every position. QB-Vick, Receiver-Desean Jackson, TE- Celek, and RB-Maclin . That said, their o-line is their weakness. Luckily they have a QB who can scramble. On defense they have a bunch of badasses. On their line, they have Juqua Parker and Trent Cole on both sides. Big, angry, and fast, they beat the shit out of QB’s.  They picked up Asomugha  and Asante Samuel on both sides. Will anyone pass on them?  I think not. Will they win the division? Absolutely.

Key Players

Vick

Jackson

Celek

Maclin

Defense

Asomugha

Samuel

Rodgers-Cromartie

Parker

Cowboys

Why the fuck are they America’s team? Dallas, TX is not the heart of America, unless America consists of a bunch of ultra right wing crazies. That said, they have the potential to have the most potent offense in the game. Tony Romo is a the new version of Favre. He’s a gunslinger without a care in the world. On either side he has Dez Bryant and Miles Austin. He has Mr. Reliable in Jason Witten and a beat of a runner in Felix Jones. They also have a bunch of giants on the offense line. With Kosier and Nagy on either side, Romo should be protected. But besides Demarcus Ware, Brooking, and Ratliff, they don’t have anyone else. Their defense is going to get scored on, so their offense is going to need to dominate.

Key Players

Romo

Bryant

Austin

Kosier

Jones

Bryant

Defense

Ware

Brooking

Ratliff

Giants

The team with high expectations that will absolutely falter is the Giants. They will end up last in the division. Their secondary is depleted and their offense will stall. Is Hakeem Nicks strong enough to run the show? Will Eli throw less than 20 picks? Will Jacobs and Bradshaw finally become the dynamic duo that they are meant to be? Snee and Mckenzie are solid linemen, but they will get beaten up all season long? No their defense is not what it once was. Their secondary will be owned. Webster should not be a starting corner and neither should Ross. Their front seven  is decent,  but can Tuck dominate like he once did, can Umenyiora rebound from a turbulent off-season, and can Kiwunaka live up to the hype? I say no to every question including: will this team win the division?

Key Players

Manning

Manningham

Nicks

Jacobs

Bradshaw

Snee

Defense

Boley

Tuck

 Umenyiora

Canty

Rolle

Redskins

Oh the Redskins. They have the history, they have the fan base, but they have one shitty owner. I would say he is at the elite level of douchiness; he cares more about a buck then the team. They  have a QB battle between two back-up QB’s. Newsflash, neither are the answer. They do have a great coach in Shanahan but the game has passed him by. That said, I think Hightower will have a resurgent year, that is, if their line can open lanes. Chris Chest is a solid guard and Brown is a solid tackle, but besides them their line can’t push anyone anywhere. While Cooley is a solid TE who the hell is Beck going to throw it to, the elderly moss or the ancient Gaffney? That said, their defense can shove it down your throat. London Fletcher is still a stud, as is Orakpo. The corners of Hall and Wilson will be tough to find any room on, and Cofield will move some people. It’s a shame Landry A is injured because he lays the wood holder than any other safety in the game. Their defense looks good. It’s really their only chance.

Key Players

Grossman

Moss

Cooley

Hightower

Defense

Fletcher

Orakpo

Hall

Wilson

Bowen

Cofield

The season has begun.  Best of luck to you all.

Kyle