The Celebrity on the Pitch

(Beckham's glory days with Man U-Picture from the Telegraph)

He is a sex symbol, a fashionister, an international icon, but first and foremost he is an athlete. David Beckham announced his retirement today, making this the last season in one of the most distinguished careers in futbol history. He is similar to Jordan, Gretzky, and Mantle in that he became a global superstar who transcended his sport.

Say what you want about the guy, but he could definitely ball. With the circus that surrounds Beckham, you tend to forget that he was a fucking beast futbol star. His dashing good looks led him to be posterized on the walls of countless women - and maybe men - and he's known as a successful model who is one of the most endorsed athletes in history. He is estimated to be England’s wealthiest sportsman and there is even a movie whose title revolves around his mutant-like ability to bend the ball. On their free time, Beckham and his Spice Girl wife Victoria Beckham hang out with A-list celebs such as Tom Cruise and the Smiths (Will and Jada) and attend entertainment awards ceremonies and exclusive A-list parties, which overshadows the fact that the fucking guy was a good enough football player to have a 20 year career in the most competitive leagues in the world.

(Becks and Cruise are boys-pic from National Turk)

 
Beckham made his Premier League debut at the age of 18 and went on to win several championships throughout his career. He won the Champions League with Man U and won league titles with Man U, Real Madrid, AC Milan, LA Galaxy, and Paris St. Germain. For those who are not privy to international futbol leagues and teams,  these clubs are in 5 different countries. He holds the England record for most appearances as an outfield player for the national team—115 --and was named the captain of England in 2000 where he held the position for several years. He was twice runner-up for FIFA World Player of the Year and the first British footballer to play 100 Champions League matches. Twice he was a specific league’s highest-paid footballer between salary and endorsements. He was a great player, but what I want to point out is that this ambitious player pushed himself to overachieve way beyond his natural abilities.

He wasn’t the strongest or fastest, he didn’t have the best footwork nor was he the greatest finisher, but in spite of that he played the game at its highest level and had one of the most accurate feet in the game’s history. His crosses were pristine, sending the ball 40 yards accurately. Beckham was also an intelligent player who knew where to be and managed to always find the ball. What separated him from those who were overall better players and athletes was that he had the most dangerous free kick in soccer history as he could bend the ball with enough power to elude both the wall and the keeper. In a low scoring sport, one goal often means the difference between a win and a loss, which made him a necessity on any roster.  It’s like having a field goal kicker in the NFL who can hit the ball consistently from 65 yards away. He had a lot of haters, but he never seemed to really bother him.

Congratulations David on a fucking epic career. Enjoy riding into the sunset knowing you created an empire that few only dream of

Manchester United:
Champions League: 1998–99
Premier League (6): 1995–96, 1996–97, 1998–99, 1999–2000, 2000–01, 2002–03
FA Cup (2): 1995–96, 1998–99
Intercontinental Cup: 1999
Community Shield (4): 1993, 1994, 1996, 1997

Real Madrid
La Liga: 2006–07
Spanish Supercopa: 2003

Los Angeles Galaxy:
MLS Cup (2): 2011, 2012
MLS Supporters' Shield (2): 2010, 2011
MLS Western Conference -
Winners (Regular Season) (3): 2009, 2010, 2011
Winners (Playoffs) (3): 2009, 2011, 2012

Paris Saint-Germain:
Ligue 1: 2012–13

-Kyle

The Future is Now - How Soon The 1% Will Be Able to Fly Their Cars over Rush Hour Suckers

On MAD MEN Sunday Don Draper is flown up to a client meeting by Ted Chaough, his new business partner. Once they make it above the clouds, Ted asks Don how he's planning on wooing these clients and Don says "It doesn't matter what I say, you're the man who flew us up in your own plane." And it's true. If you've mastered the air, you're a true conqueror, a man who has at his own hands access to he endless highways in the sky.

Imagine if you could reduce your commute to a quick takeoff and landing followed by a 15-minute careen through the skies, above the traffic, above all those mere mortals shuffling at an ant's pace to work?

Already there are a few communities like this, where people commute to larger cities by airplanes they store in their own 1-jet garage. But the real dream is the flying car. Just like those bastards promised in BACK TO THE FUTURE II, by now we ought to have our own jet mobiles to pilot around town, go where we don't need roads and all that jazz.

And there have been a couple attempts. Just recently some weird Canuck contraption involving a rear-mounted fan and a parachute crashed near a Canadian elementary school. But for my money the future of the flying car rests in the Terrafugia TF-X. Still just a concept car, this rad vehicle will have the ability to take off vertically like a chopper or a VTOL plane as well as wings that fold out for flight and fold in for driving and parking. And best of all, it's electric so instead of polluting the environment with gasoline it merely uses coal-powered electricity like most of the grid. But hey, nobody's started pointing that out so far be it from me to start harping on it. This isn't about the environment, it's about flying cars. And goddamn will this one make a new jewel in the crown of whoever can afford the thing.

- Ryan

Titus Young is a BAAAADDDD MAAAANNNN…Or is HE?

Lindsay Lohan is demanding adderall while in rehab, Beyoncemight be pregnant again, and Angelina Jolie had a double Mastectomy. These are all of the headlines that seem to overshadow one of the most absurd stories in sports right now. Titus Young, the troubled yet talented young wide receiver, was arrested 3 times in one week, including twice in the same day.

His issues began last year on a Lions team he was released from this off-season due to countless issues. He was suspended from the team 3 times last year due to behavior detrimental to the team including lining up in the wrong position on purpose. I mean that should have been a big indication. The players in the past just dogged it instead of lining up incorrectly when upset. That’s a huge fuck-you move. It’s like getting into an argument with your wife about your child and informing her you never wanted him/her in the first place. HUGE no-no. Last week he was arrested 3 teams for: burglary, resisting arrest and assault on a police officer, and driving under the influence. This guys has some serious fucking issues, but we shouldn’t fully reprimand him for all of his actions.

I know, I know. You're probably rolling your eyes Elisha Cuthbert style and wondering why I would defend such a “monster”, but the bottom line is that the chemical make-up of someone’s brain can overcome clear decision making.  According to his father, his brain is compressed to the front of his

(Image of Elisha's roll -National Post)

skull and thus this disorder is causing the issues, although he can’t remember the name of his son's medical issue. When a loved one who is supposed to help with the treatments and deal with the issues can’t even remember the problem, there is a GIANT flag. Although I could not find anything related to what his father described, Young has been diagnosed as bipolar and schizophrenic and is taking medication for these disorders, but there are obviously several issues that come into play that need to be examined. A lot of times, individuals who are diagnosed with those disorders forego taking their medication due to the side effects and these lapses can have unwarranted effects. Either way, he truly needs to get help from physicians, including in-patient assistance, before he hurts himself and those around him. More, maybe his medication needs to be reevaluated as these disorders have more of a tendency than others to be prescribed incorrectly. Finally, he needs to separate himself from those who influence him negatively.

Look at Brandon Marshall for godsakes. He had several problems when coming into the league, but took the proper steps when dealing with borderline personality disorder. I, like the rest of the sporting world should be, am rooting for Titus to find the necessary help he needs. Before anyone truly judges him, they need to understand that his issues are beyond simply just making bad decisions.

-Kyle

Random Weekly Update 5/13: Treating shop-owners worse than billionaire thieves and yet survivors emerge

Some MJ wisdom found on coedhumor.com

California first legalized medical marijuana 15 years ago. It was around this time that my mom got cancer in Baltimore and her doctor suggested she get some weed from a street dealer since medical herb was more heavily regulated than prescription pharma.

Fast forward to 2010 and I get a medical license for chronic pain due to a nasty shoulder injury. If I've been writing too long my shoulder will start aching. And if I practice any of my regular activities - surfing, climbing, so on, outdoor adventures which makes my life fulfilling, my shoulder is a throbbing mess by end of day. Pharmaceuticals scare the shit out of me - not only have they managed to enslave close to a third of our population but they kill more people annually than heroin and cocaine combined and their use is going up. So I smoke a little weed from time to time to mellow out, ease my shoulder pain, and relax.

Relax, you say? That's recreational use. And what, exactly, is the problem with recreational use of MJ? One day some bastard on the Jackson Hole tram told me he was afraid of going to California because you never know who's stoned driving around. I countered with "I'd rather have stoned drivers than drunk drivers". This dumbfounded the gap-toothed bastard.

Soon I'll write a little something about the stupidity of continuing this harmful war on marijuana which has little effect other than to put more money into the pockets of Mexican drug cartels and fill our prisons with harmless citizens due to atavistic laws based on racial profiling and the hypocrisy of politicians who prefer the deep-pocketed pharma lobbies to dictate what drugs should be sold to our citizens.

But the brief today is the fact that California is cracking down and hard on its medical marijuana dispensaries. They've decided this has gotten out of hand. If every street corner has a liquor store that sells Night Train to homeless alcoholics who shit on the street in front of my past houses in Hollywood and Silverlake that's just A-OK, but a place that sells marijuana to peaceful and mostly gainfully-employed citizens? Unacceptable.

I remember being in line at the dispensary one day behind a classic pachouli-smelling stoner, a square-jawed captain of industry, and a 60-something school marm. They were purchasing a drug much less harmful than alcohol (not to mention pharmas) that they would use more responsibly than most angelenos use the booze and pills. Yet this is what our politicos are wasting our time and money fighting.

Doesn't this just look like a threat to society?

Why is that? Oh right, because it's much easier to focus on shuttering marijuana shops run by upstanding citizens than to try and take on the Crips, Bloods, Latin Kings, not to mention the Zetas, the Gulf, all the narcotraficantes on the other side of the border. You try to fight people selling pharmaceuticals? You get high-powered lawyers taking you to court, thanks Pfizer. You try to fight people selling crack, heroin, cocaine, meth? Hope you got an arsenal backing you up. You crack down on marijuana dispensaries? You send conscientious objectors to jail with little more than an angry yell or two. Obviously this is the right move, though, right? I mean, certainly it's not yet another sign of California slipping backward while the rest of the country moves forward, is it? Let's see - in spite of having been a home to the earliest gay rights movements, California is the most liberal state to not allow gay marriage. And in spite of being a state where medical marijuana was first approved, it's rolling back those laws so people will again have to buy from street dealers supplied by shady folks in Humboldt or murderous narcos.

Still, good thing they're cracking down on these little storefronts mostly run by kind stoners. I mean, certainly they hurt more people than the big banks and such, right?

Or not. I have to give those guys credit, maybe Cali is just cracking down across the board. Wouldn't want to live in such a closed society. I mean, its fight against social and lifestyle liberties is disgusting. But it's also finally taking JP Morgan to task for robo-signing. What's robo-signing? Basically it's a practice where banks cut corners and save themselves time and money that would be spent on stupid stuff like due process and oversight and actually looking into individual cases. This enabled JP Morgan Chase to issue an insane number of debt-collection lawsuits under the premise that the poor little credit-card-holders wouldn't have the sophistication or the legal means to fight them. Included in this grouping are active members of the military who were late on payments because, oh, I don't know, they were FIGHTING TERRORISTS. This sound familiar? It's a now-illegal practice utilized by the big banks to approve and then foreclose on hundreds of thousands of innocent American home-owners. But it's okay, the government made those home-stealing bastards pay. Or did it?

Just recently a lawsuit against basically the major banks (BofA, Wells Fargo, and, surprise surprise, Morgan Chase) ended in a settlement of $9.3 billion. This sounds like a lot until you do the math and figure out it means that each homeowner who was wrongly foreclosed on - now, to clarify, this is a person who no longer has his or her home - received about $300 bucks. And then there's the other side - the banks hired the regulators and consultants who were reviewing their individual cases. That would be like a mafiosi hiring the prosecuting attorney trying to indict him for RICO. And how much did the banks, which paid the people it had wronged $9.3B, pay these consultants? $2 billion fucking dollars. Disgusting. So basically, the government allowed companies to once again fuck with the system in spite of receiving huge chunks of government bail-out monies and, in fact, allowed them to stage their own farcical display of adhering to the rules. Why does the Tea Party not protest outside these banks?

The original Tea Party wasn't about protesting the government- they were about protesting the government passing laws aimed to benefit the British East India Tea Trading Company. The original Tea Party was an act of stealing and destruction of property from a private company - sounds more like Occupy Wall Street or Communism to me. Though the Tea Party isn't anti-corporate, they're anti-government. And the government is apparently anti-them. Which really brings into question the name but, hell, that would take way too much time to learn all that. Like, you'd have to read, like, a page of stuff.

Tom Toles summed it all up in a comic

In a disgusting move reminiscent of the political and social ideology targeting perpetrated by administrations past, the IRS had been auditing and targeting conservative groups for the past few years. They've fucked with tax exempt status, over-scrutinized non-profit ledgers (which, c'mon, aren't the tightest anyway because they're nonprofits and can't afford a 10-person accounting staff) and in general fucked with any orgs which have the name "tea party" or "patriot" in their documents. Even more shocking, they didn't really find anything out of the ordinary. Elsewhere, though, people have found something pretty amazing. 3 women survived a deranged kidnapper who held them for 10 years.

Ariel Castro is the worst kind of scum. He kidnapped, raped and caged 3 women for a decade. One he impregnated several times - and after he found out about the pregnancies, he would beat her in the stomach and starve her until she miscarried. Another he forced to have a baby in a kiddie pool without any medical attention. He's so disgusting even his brothers have said they want nothing to do with him and hope he rots. In jail. I personally hope they castrate him, balls and shaft, without anesthesia. Then they can either let him bleed to death or cauterize it with a flaming chunk of metal and make him live the rest of his life pissing out of a poorly-sewn wound. But the real story is these women never gave up; they endured such a horrible fate for so long and yet never quit. This is true ambition - never giving up in spite of the most depraved and wicked life. Always looking for escape. Like that woman in the collapsed factory.

Last week I wrote about the collapse of a garment sweatshop in Bangladesh which killed hundreds. This last week, against all odds and as a tribute to the hard-working workers digging through the rubble of the collapsed building, a female survivor was found. After 17 days buried amidst the ruin of a shittily-made factory, a woman named Reshma was found in a muslim prayer room. Praise Allah, this is what religion is all about - offering refuge, a place to hope for one's survival. Not as an excuse for hatred and war.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the world an Argentine city buried under about 30-feet of water for the last quarter-century has re-emerged, a modern-day Atlantis.  That is, if Atlantis had actually reappeared. It gives one hope.

If a woman can be found buried alive for over 2 weeks, 3 women and a baby born in the most squalid of conditions can escape to freedom after a decade of captivity under a vile monster, and a city can re-emerge from its watery grave, then maybe we have a chance of a better tomorrow. A place where government resources are pulled from the pointless bottomless hole of our war against mary-jane and turned towards punishing the real blue collar crooks, where corporations are no longer able to prey on the less intelligent or less resourceful average citizens of this supposed great nation, where the government doesn't see targeting and/or attacking its ideological opponents as "business as usual"; where twisted demons spawned from hell can be better identified and dealt with, where profits are no longer put before lives, and where we can all truly be proud of our treatment of each other.

I mean, if a city can rise from the sea in two and a half decades, anything's possible, right?

- Ryan

Blackballing-The New Tebowing

(Jim McIsaac-Long Island Newsday)

It’s amazing what a difference two years makes, but I actually feel bad for Tim Tebow. Two years ago, Tebow overachieved his way into the playoffs while averaging around 10 completions a game. I had written an article blasting this religious fanatic for several reasons, but now I feel nothing but empathy for the poor guy. OK, so he does not seem to be the brightest individual in the world, and my imaginary sister has a stronger and more accurate arm than he does, but he does have the tools to impact a game and truly tries, which is more than I can say about a lot of other professional athletes. Now due to all of the hype, though, no one seems to be even interested in this free agent.

(Phil Sears-USA TODAY Sports)

Tebow was just named the most influential athlete in the US by Forbes Magazine. Even without a job, he is still getting corporate deals such as a job offer as the head QB coach for the Lingerie League, offered $30,000 to throw footballs at windows to prove their strength, and has received offers from lower level leagues such as the CFL and the Arena League, which was going to pay him the standard $75 per game rate. Shit, there is even the Tim Tebow Bill allowing home-schooled student-athletes to play for their local public schools in Texas that just passed and there was a petition from Jacksonville Jaguar fans to sign him that had made its way to the White House.

Tebowmania really began while playing at a high level in college on his way to two national championships and becoming one of the most decorated college players in NCAA history. After fading away slightly, he came into the public eye again with the Broncos where his team went to the playoffs. Although he received the attention, it was really the defense and Matt Prater who should receive most of the credit. It was then that Tebow became more of a character than a football player. While he didn’t seem to have many other choices after the Broncos canned him following his coming out party, I think his exposure was increased by being on the roster of a team described by multiple outlets as a circus—The Jets.

They promised him opportunity but barely used him in the wildcat and Tebow was eventually demoted to the third string even though they were not good enough to make the playoffs. They never gave him a chance even though the two QB’s ahead of him were also dismal. It was an unfair situation. Ever since becoming a Jet, the media has constantly raped him worse than the Kardashians (though they actually deserve the negative attention). The guy works his ass off, plays with more heart than most players in the league, stays out of trouble, and now he is blackballed due to unwarranted attention. Maybe he is a little too preachy, but I have come to realize that about 80% of all athletes talk about God in interviews. As a passionate Ravens fan I will always be obsessed with Ray Lewis, but during that epic Last Dance playoff run I wanted him to become an atheist. Organizations fear that signing Tebow will be a distraction, at no fault of his own. Imagine becoming a joke just for doing something that you love. While I used to think this was brought on by himself, after last year of staying quiet and saying all of the right things, it is apparent he just can’t win. He is willing to play any position so I thought of listing possible positions where he could make an impact.

Possible Positions

Fullback- He has proven his ability to get those tough yards and can also catch occasionally when needed. He would need to learn the techniques of blocking, but with his strength, quick feet, and balance he should be able to pick it up.

Halfback-The guy can run. He’s not going to break records or burn the defense with blazing speed, but in the right system he can be a factor. He proved in college, and while playing in Denver, that he certainly has the ability to tuck the ball, break some tackles, and find the endzone.  

Tight End- He is a little short compared to most tight-ends, but he can catch the ball and make some solid plays. He would need to work on blocking.

OLB- Although already a tank, he would need to beef up. But with his understanding of offenses, his athleticism and his speed he could potentially be thrown in a 3-4 defense just to rush the QB on third downs. He is certainly not an every down back and I think he would run around like a drunkard if in coverage, but he can make some plays if a team just sends him kamikaze style at a QB

Long Snapper- He would need to hit the gym, but longsnappers tend to be a little smaller than most of the other linemen anyway. He should be fine snapping the ball after some extensive practice and has enough grit to keep the other team at bay long enough for the kicker.

Quarterback-Just kidding

The dude needs a break.

-Kyle

Musical Revelations: The Hellhounds on Robert Johnson's Trail or How the Devil Always Gets What's His

The guitar is a wicked bitch. You strum her real nice, she'll sing a song captivating to all around. You play her rough she'll wail. And if you have a poor hand, she'll tell the world how lousy you are.

But it's the center of American musical art, as important to our cultural artistic heritage as the moving-picture camera and stream-of-consciousness prose. Even as we turn more and more to dance halls, guitar-driven folk and bluegrass acts have never been more popular (MUMFORD AND SONS leading the charge just like the Beatles took over American rock in the 60's - goddam brits - and if you're in SoCal, I highly suggest checking this fest out). But the whole popularity of the guitar, rock and roll, hell, all American music can be traced back to the black blues singers of the early 1900's. And none was considered more influential or important than Robert Johnson.

His musicianship was second to none back then for one simple reason: he sold his soul to the devil at the crossroads to become a great blues guitarist.

This Faustian trade is one of the last true legends of American folklore; appropriate to have this on the heel of New Orleans JazzFest, a onetime tribute to dirty blues and bloody jazz in a city steeped in voodoo and black magic that every year is becoming more and more just another music festival like one would find in cities like Dallas or Manchester, Tennessee. Today there can't be such folk stories because before Johnson could claim it everybody and his brother would have gone to the crossroads, taken pictures, done analysis, posted YouTube footage, inspected his soul; holy men would try to get his soul back while racist Baptists would claim him a hellion and launch hate-filled pickets at his shows and his publicists and handlers would tell him to recant.

While Johnson talks about his fear at being late night at the crossroads in "Cross Road Blues", it isn't until he came out with "Hellhound on My Trail" in 1936 that Johnson finally straight up said the devil is after him. It tells the story of a man running, "blues falling down like hail" and he has to just keep running 'cuz he got a "hellhound on my trail".

And he confirmed that with his later song "Devil At My Door", about the devil finally showing up at his door telling him it's time to go. Of course all sorts of white folks, from Eric Clapton on, covered RJ.

There are people who say these songs are really about being a black man and slavery. "Crossroad Blues", thought by some to be about the the devil deal, is interpreted by others as being a man meditating on his fear of lynchers on empty southern rural roads or fear of the cops thanks to the old "colored man" curfews. Hellhound on my trail can be interpreted as a slave running away, the master's dogs giving a fierce chase and all he wants is just to see his girl. But whether it's about the Devil or slavery and racism - and, really, what's the difference - it's fucking deep.

There was a time when people could believe a man would sell his soul to be the greatest musician and to hell with all other concerns. Today, with manufactured pop stars and Disney singers and overly-polished troubadours, what's the point? You won't get radio play, much less be considered a "great" musician by the people supposedly in the know. The most popular and lauded songs today don't say a thing, replacing substance with the opportunity for its performers to swagger and gyrate surrounded by all the riches of the kingdom. If anybody would sell his soul to the devil today, I would think it would be in exchange for being the head of a big financial brokerage (didn't they already - Blankfein at the crossroads?) or possibly to be Justin Bieber - rich, popular, and poised to run through groupies at a pace to make the Rolling Stones blush.

That's why we at Man's Ambition are going to find the great stories buried in our American songbook. And just like everybody knows our nation's sprawling story - rebellion, expansion, conquest - all Americans should know about the blues and the bluesmen who are sadly disappearing from the face of the earth. Because a deal with the devil is much deeper and more interesting than some bullshit about whether some teenage girl likes you enough to go steady or whatever rot those bastards are singing about today.

- Ryan