It seems like J.R. Smith’s 100 tattoos has lead to ink
poisoning which has affected his ability to think properly. Him
emulating Jason Terry’s vow of getting a tattoo if his team wins the NBA
championship will not lead to the same result. While Jason Terry's declaration seemed more out of desire, J.R. Smith's declaration feels like it is based out of motivation/desperation. The Knicks look solid and with
Melo basically guaranteed the NBA scoring title since he has averaged upper 30 ppg
over the last several weeks and Durant’s Thunder locking up first place in the
West thus leading to the decreased playing time of the only competition, they will certainly be a difficult challenge. In fact, this Knicks team does remind me of
the Mavericks when they won the Championship two years ago (they even have
three players from that championship roster), but that was against a Heat that
was still developing chemistry between their big three. Miami has progressed
substantially since then and cruised all year long to the best record in the NBA and second longest win streak in NBA history. They locked up 1st place in the Eastern Conference more than a week ago and neither the Knicks, nor anyone else, can match up with a rested Heat.
Even if they do squeak out a series victory in what would be an exhausting and
pain-inducing Eastern Conference Finals, they will be limping to the end like THE OFFICE
since losing Michael Scott. They will be left with little fuel when competing
against most likely the quick and athletic Thunder and there is not enough adderall,
steroids, or cocaine that allow them to match the intensity
Coincidentally, J.R. Smith doesn’t have any more room on his
body for another one anyway unless he decides to get the face tattoo and we saw
how well that worked for Stu.
This nation is full of an endless supply of the variable wonders of excess, largesse, hypocrisy, bravery, strength, softness, humility, inspiring citizens and depressing realities. But all in all it truly is one helluva dynamic nation and goddamn if everything, from politics to entertainment to health care, doesn't tie in together in one wonderful bow.
1.) Let's start with gun control. Right now the big thing they've been debating back and forth is gun control and sure, I agree with that. Background checks doesn't seem like a bad idea. But all the spin they're throwing into it, that this will be a victory for the victims of Newtown and Aurora and Arizona and everywhere else, it's all just bullshit.
Guns didn't kill people there, just like they didn't kill people in Columbine. Just like it wasn't the gun manufacturers who stormed the beach at Normandy. People kill people. And in the case of Newtown and Aurora and Columbine and Virginia Tech and all that shit, it was disaffected kids with hints of mental issues.
My problem with the way we're attacking this is there's this huge myth that controlling guns will stop these massacres from happening. Nevermind the cop who went crazy and started shooting folks in L.A. before his shootout up by Big Bear, the real enemy is guns. Wake up. Especially fellow liberals, instead of freaking out about guns this was the time to start bringing up our nation's abysmal treatment of mental illness. This was when you could open a real dialogue about how in general our society likes to push mental illness aside, sweep it under the rug like a herd of elk pushing the sick one out of the pack and hoping maybe it gets picked off by a bear.
More people were killed by cars than by guns last year. Do we pass sweeping bills raising penalties for drunk driving and speeding, other traffic infractions? No. Because this has become another distraction from the very real problems facing our nation. At the forefront is that our citizenry is getting crazier and nobody seems to want to do a damn thing about it. Bath salts didn't make Rudy Eugene eat Ron Poppo's leathery face - in fact he hadn't even taken Bath Salts (and BTW, bath salts are just those weird pseudo-drugs bored stoner kids without access to real drugs buy at head shops) but this harmless Ecstasy-like drug was given out as the cause by the Miami Fraternal Order of Police because nobody wants to admit that a severely mentally-ill man might just take to eating another man's face.
Here's the basic wrap-up - wasting time and money on gun controls and thinking it will do anything to make our society any less prone to massacres is like wasting the billions of dollars we do on fighting drug dealers and thinking it'll solve our drug problem. Supply-side never works - whether talking drugs, guns, or economics. We have to confront the fact that in our modern age alienation and mental health issues are more prevalent than ever. Though it IS much simpler to just pass tighter gun controls and when massacres happen with stolen guns or machetes or poisoned water fountains with some poor deranged loner kid just wanting to exact a group suicide, at least Obama can say he passed gun control laws.
2.) Which leads me to political issue #2: Gay Marriage.
It's absurd that this should still be an issue. I in all honesty don't understand it. There's simply no valid reason why gay marriage isn't legal. Let's look at a few of the "anti" arguments:
"It's against the bible."So is being rich (eye of the needle passage). If we're talking Old Testament we should stone fat people and your wife can claim a child if she simply lays on top of the servant girl you impregnated while the servant gives birth. Oh yeah, and divorce is against the teachings of the bible as well.
"It ruins the state of marriage." Hello, divorce. The divorce rate hovers at times near 50, 60% in our nation - that is ruining the state of marriage. If we don't legalize gay marriage, the only logical thing to do is to outlaw divorce too. Wait, straight white rich people get divorced a lot. Yeah, that won't work.
"It'll make my son gay if he sees other gay people." I've seen a lot of gay people. I respect them. I support them. But the idea of touching another dude's dingus, much less his culero, is fucking gross. This isn't a "learned behavior". It's not a choice. As Richard Pryor said, "Y'ever seen a man's asshole? Nobody chooses that."
Alright, and this could go on but the truth is, it's just absurd that this is even still an issue. Prop 8 kept gays from getting married in California thanks to a huge media push from the Mormons but didn't they believe that a darkness of skin reflects a darkness of soul and that plural marriage is the teachings of god and that a failed huckster found magic writings only he could read with magic glasses that said the lost tribe of Israel was of the very tribes of Native Americans that the Mormons ended up fighting very savagely as they began their westward journeys?
This is stupid. Gay marriage will add more stability to our fragile society by officially recognizing unions that are already strong and happening, will add money to our struggling coffers (have you ever seen a gay wedding? They go all out), and is just the right thing to do as respectful, decent human beings.
3.) You know, this really does harken in part back to the whole civil rights movement. And if Hollywood has shown us anything over the last year, it's that we're not in a post-racial America. From LINCOLN to DJANGO UNCHAINED and now 42, Hollywood is out to remind our nation how hideously racist we've been in the past and to teach a younger generation to throw off the shackles of parents who publicly and proudly called Obama a nigger (see: most of the South). The best scene in the movie is when a young bright-eyed kid goes to a Dodgers game to see his hero play, Pee-Wee, and then starts yelling "nigger go home" after his fat, white trash father yells the same when Jackie Robinson takes the field. But when the kid sees Pee-Wee put his arm around Robinson's shoulders, he suddenly feels ashamed of himself. I still see and hear racism all the time - both front and center and hidden. But someday there will be movies about the gay rights movement where an American audience will see evil, ugly white trash yelling "Get out of here faggot" and feel ashamed. I look forward to the children of these homophobes feeling real disrespect for their discontent bigoted parents. On the other hand, the Dodgers aren't exactly doing great things these days.
4.) Saw something about a brawl breaking out in the Dodgers/Padres game. All sorts of folks are saying they're ashamed, that it's an embarrassment, all this bullshit but I think the opposite. I think that baseball's a leftover of a time long gone past. Yes, I enjoyed watching playoff games - at least flipping between that and stuff that was interesting. But what we forget is that the great history of baseball is filled with bench-clearing brawls. Made it interesting. One of the best parts of 42 was when Jackie's teammates fought a racist pitcher for beaning him. The truth is, this used to be a nation of tough men and hearty women. Even more, our sports have always been a representation of our nation - including the fact that we can accept and even rise to the fact that chaos is a very real part of life. Therefore sports need some chaos, some madness, for us to fight through, prove our mettle, and continue on. It shows a team has the fighting spirit which, for a perennially-dogged L.A. Dodgers club certainly hasn't been shown on the diamond. Speaking of L.A. sports
5.) Kobe! The man's out with a torn ACL. Yes they're at least over 50% for the year. And they're getting close to clinching a playoff spot. But with possibly the best roster in modern basketball, it's atrocious that it should even be a question. I mean they went through 2 coaches at the beginning of the season, spent absurd amounts of money, and now with their star out who knows if this neo-All-Star team will even make the post-season. Crazy. Though if they start heading downhill, and lacking a Kobe, it will allow me to test my Lakers theory - how many people spend hundreds of dollars on tickets to the Staples Center just to see Jack Nicholson get riled up courtside? Does anybody remember the whole Kobe rape thing? Well L.A. has a new one to focus on: 6.) Audrie Pott. This is just - it's just disturbing in the worst way. For those of you who haven't heard about it, this beautiful young girl was at a party when a couple guys sexually assaulted her. One of them snapped a picture and sent it around. Teenage years are already tough enough, especially for girls who have to walk the tightrope between being deemed a prude or being deemed a slut - and sometimes both. Anyway, she hanged herself because the picture wouldn't go away and everybody she knew knew her shame. I'll just say this now, if that had been my daughter, those boys should consider themselves lucky if they went to jail. But yes, this is being prosecuted. The disturbing thing is this isn't a new occurrence - a nearly parallel incident happened in Canada, other cases of football players raping a passed out girl and snapping a picture they sent around happened last year, so on. This savagery is the most base of human behavior. There really is nothing more depraved than not only raping a girl but then being proud enough of it that you take pictures and show them to your friends. And considering the resilience of teenagers and the desire to just bury shame deep, one can only surmise that shit like this happens a lot more than we'd expect. This is something we need to address as a nation. Yes it's cyber-bullying, and we've supposedly been cracking down on bullying, but in reality this should be classified as something new cyber-sexual assault. A federal offense compounded by very real human rights violations. Should be enforced with requisite castration. Fuck this worthless crusade on guns, fuck trying to vote out ignorance, and fuck people who get worked up over a little tussle at a ball game or Kobe Bryant's anterior cruciate. We as a people like to point to physical things as the sole truth (except in the case of the bible, where physical proveable things are often the enemy), the enforceable actionable enemy. But maybe instead of getting bamboozled by the shine and the sparkle we need to look at the real problems with America - that is, the state of the American head. It's more fucked up than it's been in years and, seemingly, teeters even closer to the edge. Until then, we'll be a nation that placates our horrors with a combination of superficial solutions and simply turning a blind eye. And spends our time and attention worrying about the torn ligament of a wealthy athlete while pushing aside the desperate pleas of a helpless young girl. Happy Monday. - Ryan
I mean, there would be more time for reading and writing, sure. And when you're handicapped you have front-of-the-line privileges at Disneyland. But a great portion of my life - of who I am - is based around activities that involve my legs.
L.A. would have driven me insane had I not been able to go surfing at least once a week, skate down Sunset boulevard with a head full of sauce and oo-ee, hike the foothills around me and then the taller foothills an hour away or the real mountains an hour and a half away. And then of course there's snowboarding, the only thing in this world that makes me feel free, the closest a human being can get to flying without artificial wings or rocket packs.
This web series casts some high alpine shralpers as shred-head MYTHBUSTERS/MONSTER GARAGE. And it's appropriate because never have I been around a more committed town of tinkerers and gear heads than in Jackson Hole. People here might not own suits or work 9 to 5 but they all know how to fix their own cars, how to set up their boards and skis, make furniture and jury-rig bindings and so on and so forth.
This particular episode of EVERY THIRD THURSDAY, then, is so damn inspiring because it brings together that snowboard bum tinkering with a former snowboarder, Tim Ostler, who hasn't been on a board since he got paralyzed in a halfpipe over a decade ago. This video epitomizes the snowboard lifestyle - the friendship, the dedication, the nerdy gear-head part of it all. The idea that you never let the mountain or nothin' stop you from enjoying your life. And it's all about laying in a nice carve.
So yeah, check it. Get inspired by it. Maybe even get a little choked up. And spread the word because not only is this a great story about overcoming adversity, it would also be rad for enough people to pay attention to this that more companies and industries cater to those who are physically disabled but not about to give up on it all. Whose bodies may be broken but their wills stay rock solid. Maybe instead of another techno-gadget that allows able-bodied people to be lazy, they can pour their time and efforts into helping those who actually need a little something - spend their time making stuff that's actually USEFUL to mankind vs. just self-indulgent. What a novel idea.
In a world of technological advances, each tech giant is
trying to develop the next break-through product in order to chase Apple. What Apple has done is simply remarkable as their computers, iPods, iphones, and
ipads revolutionized smart technology. Ever since they demolished the competition, it has been a battle
for second place, but over the last two
weeks I have witnessed products that seem destined to end up as
paperweights.
The Facebook Phone
OK so Mark Zuckerburg is an absolute programming genius, but
what I have witnessed over the previous years is someone who certainly lacks
business acumen. Facebook’s public offering was a debacle and now this new
phone software is completely unnecessary. Of course, he is not simply the only
one at fault for the overvalue of Facebook or this idea to create a Facebook
phone platform, but he is certainly the person everyone will attack.
Facebook’s new “Home” family of Android will provide a more
extensive and intimate relationship with his social network. While the standard
application on smart phones does have certain issues, it does provide all of
the necessary functions. Why the hell is there a need for an Android Facebook
platform? I’m not sure and while I foresee this move as detrimental to the tech
mogul's reputation, I don’t think he really cares. The new Home phone that Zuckerberg
and crew is implementing won’t cause rioting or rummaging for an Android phone
or to get the software, but it also won’t deter the billions of users from a
program that evolves every day.
Google Glasses
In theory, this looks like it has the potential to
revolutionize smart technology, but I don’t foresee it breaking any sales
records. It’s sleek, small, and could really allow you to multi-task, but who
really wants to pay the expensive price tag when you can use a phone that has a
stronger web search ability. I mean, it’s $1500 when preordered although the
price will certainly decrease in time. I can’t buy sunglasses that are over
$100 due to the fact I always break them, so why would I buy a hand free
computer that I wear on my head. I don't plan on wearing these out at "da club", climbing mountains, riding my bike, or just about anytime I do anything. I can check my iphone when I need some technological assistance on the road and when I'm at home, I'll use my laptop or ipad.
Another issue I foresee is that the actions on the screen
relies on voice command. I mean just look at Siri. She was suppose to
revolutionize browsing aspect but her inability to comprehend just about anything
leads one to distrust this type of software. Do you really want to be at a bar,
telling a dirty joke, and porn accidently pops up on your mini screen? I sure
as hell Might not appreciate that. Now if you felt like making a
homemade porn without the other person knowing, these glasses would work perfectly since there is no indication
that they are recording, hence why they are banned at strip clubs. They may
take my money, they can take my phone, but I’ll be damned if a divey strip club
takes my $1000 glasses.
The E4U
If you have been one who always wished of traveling in an
egg, here is your chance. This evolutionary child of the segway actually does
look sexier and more inviting than a segway, but who actually needs one of
these? I mean, segways have already cornered the mobile transportation
industry. Malls, Government officials, the obese, and Rent-a-cops are not going
to be that interested in throwing away one product for essentially the same
exact thing. For the commoners who commute to work, run errands, and walk to
where they need to go (Which is a staple of Manhattanites), having one of these
does not make sense, which is their target customer. As a society, have we
gotten too lazy to walk anywhere? What happens when someone encounters stairs?
Even worse than simply not needing it, the device moves on a
confusing pressure and motion system. You tilt one way, it moves the other. You
put pressure on one foot it moves backward. What happened to the joystick? Now,
if Google glasses and the Hyundai E4U team up to create a mobile transportation
product that moves on thoughts, then maybe I would possibly reconsider.
So it goes and don't fear the reaper and such. And with death being such a real part of life, it was only inevitable that death would be a part of the newest form of entertainment since the sitcom, reality TV.
Reality TV - sorry, "unscripted TV" - is itself a pretty damn strange bastard. It professes to be about real people doing real things but let's be honest, real people just aren't that interesting. That's why people watch "reality". And why a show about a 9-5er who goes home to eat whatever dinner they can scrounge up and then sitting in front of the TV, while no doubt more real than what you see on Bravo, will never be made.
No, just like the terms single cam and multi-cam describe different ways of shooting scripted comedies, reality describes a different way of shooting a game show or, at the least, a directed TV roman a clef.
Of course there are exceptions. DEADLIEST CATCH is a good one. Yeah, there are storylines in there that writers develop and sure they show only the occurrences that are interesting. But no scenario had to be contrived. No drama really had to be ratcheted. Alaskan crabbing is one of the most dangerous professions on the planet, a true big balls man vs. nature undertaking and riches go to the hero but at the very real risk of death. In 2010 the season ended with Captain Phil Harris having a stroke onboard and later dying; a cast member was found dead in a hotel in 2011 and last season ended with the announcement that a crew member on a fellow trawler died as one of the main cast members lost his finger to a hook.
These deaths are part of that job. Whether the camera crew was there or not, many people have gotten hurt and died crab-fishing before and many will do so after the cameras leave. I've always liked reality shows that aren't contrived out of thin air, that celebrate real life and death. Shows that reveal truths and journeys I wouldn't normally see. And if deaths happen in these organic settings it's not the fault of the camera crew.
But other deaths have cast a pallor over the format, especially ones that are unnatural, that should and could have been avoided. Just recently two folks died in France's version of Survivor, KOH LANTA, over in Cambodia. First a contestant died of a heart attack; then the doctor on location who treated him and failed to save his life killed himself over buzz that he didn't act quick enough. Thing is, this isn't the first time such a thing happened. In fact, for a list of shows that have been similarly plagued check this Grantland article - suffice it to say it's evidence some bastards are willing to die to be famous as our nation and, hell, our world grows more and more conscious of fame. The "look at me culture" has never been more sickeningly and universally pervasive in the history of mankind than it is right now. And people are dying for it.
Or here's another recent reality death: Shain Gandee.
MTV essentially invented modern Reality TV with THE REAL WORLD. Then they reinvented it with JACKASS, a show about a bunch of crazy bastards pulling stunts and painful skits, and LAGUNA BEACH, a show revolving around the drama inherent in the vapid lives of spoiled, gorgeous young people living in scenic Laguna Beach California. Then the stock market crashed and as people grew poorer, MTV realized they had to cater to an average kid who was broke as a joke and not only wouldn't relate to LC and her drama, would probably resent it. So they created TEEN MOM, centered on mostly "working class" teenagers pregnant and/or with child". To counter that downer they created JERSEY SHORE about a bunch of guidos getting sloppy drunk and laid in surroundings familiar to every semi-debauched bastard in the mid-Atlantic.
Combine all those and you get BUCKWILD (not to be confused with the white chick from season 2 of FLAVOR OF LOVE), a show about teenagers from rural America who like to perform backwoods stunts like epic mudding sessions and extreme ATV-ing.
Shain Gandee, a star of the show, was found dead of CO poisoning in his '84 Ford Bronco the other day. They think it was because mud got into the exhaust pipe and flooded the truck. And technically, yes, he was a big mudder before the show. But the thing is, no doubt the fame and the money made him feel he had to keep living up to this personality. Hunter S. Thompson once lamented that he had to live up to the Hunter S. Thompson character and at the end that was no doubt a big part of the reason that he wrote very little worth reading after the 90's - and why he shot himself.
Reality TV, like it or not, is a global presence and increasingly a value cue. Kids see spoiled brats and self-centered Kardashians they'll want to do that. They see roided up cokeheads GTLing to get girls DTF, that'll be their goal for the summer. But even more, the reality curse seems to be growing as we come up with more and more ways to exploit mostly everyday people. How many marriages have been broken up immediately following reality shows (Hulk Hogan, Jessica Simpson, like at least a third of the housewives)? How many young people have been vaunted to the stature of demi-gods only to quake and crush under the pressure when they realize they're not talented, just lucky (Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt, most of the stars of THE REAL WORLD who you can find serving you at various Sunset Strip restaurants as they put off college for another year to pursue acting)? And how many have to have their depravities celebrated to death before we decide it's not the kind of trash the world needs put out there (Whitney Houston)?
All I'm saying is that Reality TV, like it or not, now has a responsibility to the world. Sensationalistic trash - "guilty pleasures" as folks call them - has gotta be detrimental to the viewing public. But when people are dying doing it, it's time to reassess what we're putting out there. You can say all you want "the public wants to see teenage moms marrying mormon grown men and living in a mansion in Myrtle Beach where they can vote their children off week to week" but know what else a lot of people like? Crack. That doesn't make it okay to sell it.
Reassess your values people. And think - is another season of physical challenges in tropical locations or another series about drunk teen party animals really worth folks dying over? The fervent capitalist may say yes but the moralist must say no. I would think. Because what really frightens me is the prospect that someday somebody will say "Hey, with these people, this combo, one of them just might die - and that would bring in HUGE ratings." At which point we might as well just go back to public executions.
This weekend find something to do that's more interesting than sitting on your hungover ass watching the REAL HOUSEWIVES OF ATLANTA marathon. Like, I dunno, walking around outside.
"Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice... er fool me, can't fool me again!" - George W. Bush
In 1992 a young comedian named Jay Leno replace David Letterman as host of NBC's late night staple "The Tonight Show". Letterman went off to start his own Letterman Show and Leno was mired in ratings hell for the first few months, though eventually he righted the ship. Today's youth don't even know a time when Leno didn't host the seminal program.
Except for the brief period when he stepped down the last time to host his own show in June 2009. And then jumped back in when things didn't work out so well, kicking out new host Conan O'Brien after a 7-month stint.
Now Leno is stepping down again a mere 3 years later. This whole situation is as ironic as a Leno monologue, a comic institution that made the man's large chin a household trademark and allowed Leno to become an avid motorcycle enthusiast.
So many things to look at here:
Leno was brought back to kick O'Brien out of the show due to poor ratings. NBC, a perennial ratings loser out of the major network, said it was simply business. The truth behind the matter is that the ratings drop could easily be tied to the failure of Leno's new program. The way it went down is that Leno was bumped up to 10 PM, with "The Tonight Show" following it. Leno's ratings were abysmal. Anybody who knows the TV industry knows a show's numbers are often only as good as the ratings of the show that precedes it yet the easy scapegoat was O'Brien. Whispers were heard that Leno, unable to admit his own failure, went to NBC and asked for his old job back, effectively ousting O'Brien who'd been promised the hosting gig years before. One Leno write I'd worked with had described the new set-up as a quagmire, riddled with stale material from the old comic and plagued by the simple fact that the 10 PM crowd doesn't laugh at the same old trash that makes the 11 PM crowd crack up.
Now it's Fallon's turn but, luckily, he won't have to follow a show hosted by a comedy dinosaur.
Fallon's story itself is a strange one. He made his bones on SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE but was never really funny. His couple film roles usually cast him as a straight man (he played the d-bag exec in ALMOST FAMOUS) and his main role on SNL was seemingly just to crack up during every skit he was in, like canned laughter circling more talented comedians like Will Ferrell.
A way to gauge SNL actors is to watch their ensuing film careers and see if they end up in starring roles with signature character. Belushi had "Joliet" Blues and Bluto Blutarsky. Chevy Chase had Fletch and Clark Griswold. Adam Sandler had Happy Gilmore and Billy Madison, Chris Farley had Tommy boy and Will Ferrell has too many to list. What does Jimmy Fallon have?
That. Being. Said. His show has been well-received and, as a surprise to a lot of people, has actually been lauded as pretty damn funny, too.
Then there's Conan. The long-suffering Conan who everybody with a funny bone can admit is much funnier than Leno was kicked out of the show he'd waited years for. As a kind gesture he kept his staff on payroll, paying them out of his own pocket while he sat in late show limbo. Then he reappeared on cable with a show that's funnier than most of his competitors' but, since it's on cable, the poor bastard is still sitting in the backseat. The best explanation of the situation is found in an episode of 30 ROCK, entitled "Khonani", in which Jack Donaghy gives a promised promotion to a janitor only to receive complaints from the former inhabitant of the job.
And then there's NBC. For a long time they got by with their Thursday night lineup of modern comedy classics like 30 ROCK and THE OFFICE but even their ratings by the end were passable at best. Now NBC needs to make some moves to try and regain some respectability.
It'll be interesting to see how this unfolds. Will Leno be able to gracefully accept his motorcycle ride into the sunset or will he try to come sniveling back like he did before? Will NBC, again confused and frightened by its obvious inability to tap into what makes ratings go up, renege on yet another deal? Will Fallon be able to kick up ratings, much less hold on to the current numbers? And will Conan ever get the respect he deserves?
Late night TV with a running plotline. Who knew talk shows could be so intriguing?
Injury is the most prevalent occupational hazard in sports.
While the NFL is trying to impose certain rules in order to ensure the safety
of its players, injuries will occur whether certain changes transpire or not.
The NFL is not alone as every sport contains a high certainty of injury. So
while watching the NCAA Tournament on Sunday enjoying a relaxing Easter Sunday
that had already entailed church, brunch, and filing of my taxes I kept an eye
on the Louisville/Duke match-up. It was apparent that The Blue Devils were
outclassed by Louisville’s skills and athleticism. So as I glanced down
wondering how I could possibly smudge my numbers to ensure a higher return, I
saw out of the corner of my eye the most devastating injury in basketball and
possibly all of sports history. This got me thinking of the worst injuries in
each sport’s history. (Spoiler Alert: Not for the squeamish)
Basketball
While FGCU and whoever wins the national championship will
be the talk of this tournament, closest runner up to these two will certainly
be Kevin Ware’s pain inducing break. How the hell does this even happen? Too
many stress fractures? An uneven court? Aliens? It was so bad CBS refused to
show the replay. This might have been one of the few times I was not thankful
for DVR.
Hockey
Clint Malarchuk
The journeyman goaltender suffered the most terrifying and
in my opinion, the most serious injury in sports. It’s one of those injuries
that haunts your nightmares and makes even the toughest individual question
(for a second) putting on those skates. Maybe Happy Gilmore wasn’t just an eccentric
but a borderline psychopath.
Football
Joe Theismann
This is a difficult category due to the violent aspects of
the sport. While Napoleon McCallum and Willis McGahee both suffered
devastating, stomach-dropping blows, Theisman’s leg has lived in infamy even to
this day. I think this proves that LT took meth on top of crack
Track and Field
We always see the hero taking a spear and tossing it through
one of his enemies in the epic battle scenes of a period piece. Well, this is
what happens when it occurs in a sporting event. Get that guy at least a
monocle if not glasses.
Soccer
Oupa Ngulube
This might be visually the most difficult injury to watch.
It’s like looking at a fucking Dali painting.
Baseball
Carlos Beltran collides with Mike Cameron
There are many individuals who undervalue the violence in
baseball. Pitchers dislocate their elbows, hitters take countless pitches to
the body, and balls can rocket into the face of infielders. While all are
certain to cause throbbing pain, baseball's collisions are the worst. Due to not being
able to find the video, I included a picture and a video baseball collisions.Believe me when I say, watching the
video will give you a headache.
It seems like J.R. Smith’s 100 tattoos has lead to ink
poisoning which has affected his ability to think properly. Him
emulating Jason Terry’s vow of getting a tattoo if his team wins the NBA
championship will not lead to the same result. While Jason Terry's declaration seemed more out of desire, J.R. Smith's declaration feels like it is based out of motivation/desperation. The Knicks look solid and with
Melo basically guaranteed the NBA scoring title since he has averaged upper 30 ppg
over the last several weeks and Durant’s Thunder locking up first place in the
West thus leading to the decreased playing time of the only competition, they will certainly be a difficult challenge. In fact, this Knicks team does remind me of
the Mavericks when they won the Championship two years ago (they even have
three players from that championship roster), but that was against a Heat that
was still developing chemistry between their big three. Miami has progressed
substantially since then and cruised all year long to the best record in the NBA and second longest win streak in NBA history. They locked up 1st place in the Eastern Conference more than a week ago and neither the Knicks, nor anyone else, can match up with a rested Heat.
Even if they do squeak out a series victory in what would be an exhausting and
pain-inducing Eastern Conference Finals, they will be limping to the end like THE OFFICE
since losing Michael Scott. They will be left with little fuel when competing
against most likely the quick and athletic Thunder and there is not enough adderall,
steroids, or cocaine that allow them to match the intensity 
