King Spotify - The best Music App out there

     

... or die.

Do you remember Napster? This online music app had a mascot that appeared to be a cyborg cat listening to music. This image didn't even make sense and still the company went on to briefly after take over the world. Then, after briefly taking over the world it was completely dismantled due to countless lawsuits related to copyright infringement. Since then, it has collaborated with Rhapsody and with this coordination tried to regain its glory. But the main issues that arose are that you need to pay $10/month for something that had been offered for free and the fact that Napster is still tainted from the late 90’s/early 2000’s legal battles. It's also not even the best online music platform and associating itself with Rhapsody, which is somehow currently the #1 digital subscription service, is a disservice. Personally, I think the whole thing's shit and thus this joint collaboration is a loss all around. 

What Napster did do, though, is show that the Internet has the ability to provide a music forum accessible by all. After this innovation the turf wars began. Currently, there are several options to stream and/or download the music you want to hear. Following Napster came Limewire ("file sharing" i.e. free downloading, now defunct) , Pandora (first non-station-affiliated online radio), Grooveshark (customizable online playlist radio file-sharing-like), AOL music, iTunes, and now the golden boy of the music platform Spotify. There are a few other options but they're not really worth mentioning. Limewire, like Napster, was a target of countless lawsuits and eventually disbanded like a group of gypsies after a run-in with Johnny Law. It also came with countless viruses and thus the message that appears when you go to their website. Then came the likes of Pandora and Grooveshark. The first is starting to wilt and the latter will most likely meet the same demise as Limewire and Napster as it's about to get beaten down with lawsuits as vast as Mike Tyson. There is also iTunes, which maintains a slightly different pay-to-download-and-play platform but as such also provides the most comprehensive library of music you can search easily to develop/create your own playlists, and they're paying a minor percentage per song which will keep them out of legal trouble. What makes iTunes timeless is that Apple was able to make iTunes a necessity since it's the main way to download music for their revolutionary products. It also has contracts, aided by said payments, in places that'll keep it from facing the same death penalties as Napster and Limewire. That said, I can foresee all of the other online music options becoming obsolete by the strong arm of Spotify. 

Music is instantly circulated to every individual with 24/7 access to internet. Whether through a smart phone, computer, or tablet, Spotify is thrusting itself to the top of the online music industry with a user-friendly interface, several devices for listening, and a library as deep John Travolta’s closet. 

Another great aspect, especially in this economic environment, is that it's free unless you download the app to your phone which is a measly $10/month. To put this into perspective, it costs the same amount for an unlimited library to music as a meager 8 songs (or a single mid-level album) on iTunes. Essentially, if iTunes and Pandora had sex, Spotify would be their beautiful progeny. 

Spotify, like Pandora, is all about streaming music, the superior radio mode that we all listen to all day to drown out the monotony of the workplace, and the ability to recommend your style of music. Also like Pandora, you don't need to download the songs. Then it meshes these abilities with iTunes vastly superior playlist and song/band specific search mode. You can create playlists and make your own library from a countless amount of music options. 

The internet has changed from being little more than a gaming and work-sharing system to a socializing necessity where all information and preferences are public. Like other websites such as Facebook, MySpace, Tumblr, Twitter, and LinkedIn, Spotify allows users to learn information about other people they hardly or might not even know. It allows you to share songs and playlists with your friends, coworkers, or, if you so desire, your enemies (Which could also be your coworkers). You can also view what individuals in your general area, Facebook, and Twitter friends have recently enjoyed. The giddiness of sexual predators has skyrocketed because of these social networks since they allow you to learn more about your next tweeny victim as you stalk him or her. In fact, on September 2011, Spotify required a Facebook login in order to download. I believe this has to do with the former President (and still partial owner) of Facebook, Mr. Sean Parker,  since his venture capital firm Founders Fund has invested a lot of money in this startup. 

 

Plus, they've also taken advantage of the unlimited access element created by the Internet so that your song selection and playlists don't vary depending on what device you're using. Spotify has taken another one of Apple’s (of course) progressive computer programs, the Cloud, so that your music collection is accessible on your work and home computers, your tablet, and can even sync up with your phone as long as it is smart. They have taken advantage of apps in order to penetrate every avenue and it seems to be working.

Since its inception in October of ’08 as the brainchild of the Swedish startup Spotify AB, it has had to deal with the countless issues created by the Internet such as security breaches, glitches, the potential of copyright lawsuits, as well as the competitive act of separating itself from the countless porn sites, sports sites, video sites, social networking sites, and other music options that flood the Interweb, as well as navigating the e-funding world. Also, since it has developed a following, it has to figure out how to progress the app, maintain its users, and flourish financially. They have dabbled with pay-to-download-track, tried to restrict the amount of times users can listen to a song (which was lifted in March), and, after a 6 month trial period, they're only going to allow the free users to listen to 10 hours a month. I personally think this is a terrible idea and foresee this, like restricting users to only being able to listen to any given song 5 times, to be lifted after they start losing users. You currently have the option to pay a monthly fee now to get the “Unlimited” or “Premium” versions, but in a world where internet companies make a majority of their profits off  advertisements, who the fuck wants to pay anything to use their products? Either way, I recommend Spotify for everybody as even the most novice music listeners will learn more about music, including discovering new artists they really like, than ever before.  And it’s a great time-sucking tool to take you out of the cubicle.

- Kyle

 

BATTLE ROYALE 3-D: The Real HUNGER GAMES Comes to a Theater Near You in 3-D

About 7 years ago I was in the middle of some chaotic surf video tour sleeping on the couch of some kid nicknamed Tweak when he pulled out his favorite movie, this weird Japanese flick called BATTLE ROYALE. It was banned in the United states and, as such, he'd had to order it through some special importer via the old Interweb (though now I think they've finally loosened that up - in fact, you can Netflix it). The plot's simple enough - it's a dystopian future in Japan. The grown-ups who run the country, becoming frightened of the unruly children and young teens forming gangs and making trouble, as is par for the course during troubled times, have come up with an annual tradition to keep the kids in line and remind them who's boss - they take one randomly-selected class of 9th graders and unleash them in a desert island with weapons that vary from a paper fan to an uzi and a single edict - only the last kid standing can leave. The winner becomes a media star and the flick opens with a blood-stained little girl smiling at the bevy of reporters descending on her. This sound familiar, HUNGER GAMES fans? And just to establish who came first, the novel BATTLE ROYALE on which the movie was based, written by Koushun Takami, was first published in 1999.

The movie was and still is one of my favorite of all time. Not just for the commentary it makes about modern culture via the surrounding media hoopla that revolves around the survivor. Not for the statements it makes about friendships (a group of girl best friends who, quickly moved to suspicion, slaughter each other faster than you can say "frenemy") and relationships (one couple kills themselves almost immediately; the protagonist, on the other hand, is motivated by his quest for the girl he loves though he could never tell her) or the sick fantasy of where everybody's roles would lay along the spectrum were our schools plunged into a LORD OF THE FLIES situation (the bad girl with the bad family history is tough as nails and inflicts merciless punishment on all who made fun of her; the athlete doesn't stop going for her daily jog, even on the island, always with her training - she's also played by the chick who plays Gogo in KILL BILL; the computer geeks try to figure out a way to get away; the smooth killer who wants to be there and finally the teacher, a washed up has-been and horrible father who takes perverse joy in the deaths of his former pupils).

There are some truly beautiful scenes - Mitsuko sharing a romantic moment of gratitude with Shuya under a leaf bathed by soft raindrops after he saved her - some truly gruesomely amazing scenes - many violent deaths that make HUNGER GAMES look like the children's tale it is - and deep layers attached to this movie that weren't breached by HUNGER GAMES.

A friend of mine brought up the fact that she felt a big ball dropped by Suzanne Collins was her lack of exploration of such elements as "what happens when you truly have to kill somebody you love; what happens when you have to kill your friends." Even in the upcoming second movie, based on the book, friendships aren't tested but instead written into a conclusion that prevents Katniss from having to ever kill anyone she likes. The death scenes are tame in the movie version of HUNGER GAMES and as such moviegoers can somewhat avoid the horror of death in all its cold glory - but BATTLE ROYALE doesn't let you off the hook so easily. Even more, while the lesson in HUNGER GAMES seems to be the on-the-surface one that the government is evil, that rich people in shiny cities will always oppress the lower class unless the lower class rebels (OCCUPY Panem), and that absolute power corrupts absolutely and as such can only be held by enforcing policies that breed absolute fear, the lessons in BATTLE ROYALE are a bit wider and you gotta do some deeper thinking to see them

There's the lesson about how adults can make children into twisted things. About how trust is truly a rare present to be savored and rarely to be bestowed on anybody. How some people will simply hate us no matter what. About the fact that love doesn't make the rest of the world go away and love doesn't necessarily trump self-preservation.

And in BATTLE ROYALE this story of children being forced to kill for their own survival is presented with breathtaking visuals, uncensored harshness, and a lyrical rhythm which tie this melee together into a masterpiece filled with deep beauty and ugliness and tragedy and horror and love and meaning in equally indulgent portions as only Japanese cinema seems to be able to accomplish. I had been worried that they were going to remake this into some overly-lurid or overly-campy or simply "overly" American remake. But thank god they haven't done that. At least not yet. No, what they've done is remastered it in 3-D. And they're releasing the 3-D version in American theaters starting May 25th (thanks for the heads-up, Kyle), having already done a limited run of screenings in the new Blu-Ray version. Keep checking in for more 3-D showings as Anchor Bay capitalizes on the HUNGER GAMES' popularity to showcase the better and first story. And while you're at it, pick up a copy on Blu-Ray. HUNGER GAMES may be entertaining but, as the classification claims, it's for YOUNG ADULTS. Time to graduate to something actually written for, you know, adults.

- Ryan

Dish Network flexes its Muscles but AMC Has the Goods

I'm in the middle of David Foster Wallace's magnum opus INFINITE JEST and I've found throughout this book a lot of eerie prognostications about where America is heading. From a comical president who gives away a chunk of land to the Canadians in exchange for getting to use it as a dump thanks to America's overt consumption to a prediction of the death of television at the hands of some futuristic, like, grid where shows can be beamed to people's homes so that you don't have to subscribe to a bunch of trash for the few things you actually want to watch. Of course this is overblown and the demise of networks at the hands of cable networks and then cable at the hands of the big 4 (CBS, NBC, ABC, Fox) is a bit of an exaggeration but not as far off as we think. He predicted the issues that we would have, like, special VCR-type machines that allowed us to fast-forward past commercials at the detriment of ad-based commercial networks and that traditional TV distribution will either collapse or adapt to some new model if they wish to exist in Foster Wallace's post-millenial world (he wrote this in 1996). Interestingly enough, as I read in my book about how emerging technology will threaten the way the TV business had been run, I came across this article about how Dish Network, tired of paying for AMC's networks in a bundle (a value for the eponymous network AMC but a drag to have to carry such duds as IFC, Sundance, and WE), will be dropping them .

There's a bit more to this than the complaint of having to pay for a package when they only want bits and pieces (AMC is claiming it's because they're suing Dish Network for improperly dropping a network) - and one can't help but see the irony in a cable provider dropping a network for providing a bunch of shitty channels they don't want to pay for (I'd personally love to subscribe exclusively to HBO, Showtime, AMC, the big 4 if only for sports and, like 4 shows, ESPN, History, Discovery and Travel channel and drop all the others - maybe keep MTV and Bravo so the wife can watch her reality shows). But their point, even if it's only part of the truth, is a valued one. Dish Network is saying they can no longer justify keeping a network whose content is available online for free or cheap, especially when said content has bound them into carrying a bunch of other networks nobody watches. Their claim is it dilutes the brand if you can go on iTunes or Netflix to watch these shows. With a gain in revenue and subscribers Dish Network is trying to throw around its weight. Surely this is partially just to get a better price for the growing cable provider but it's also an effort to fight the encroaching nightmare that is the current state of television.

Back in the day TV was little more than interesting stories written to make people pay attention to the ads between. You had 4 channels to choose between (or was it 3?). If you wanted to see a show, you had to be in front of your TV at the exact hour that it aired. Or wait a few months until repeats, in the summer. And commercials were a part of watching TV, you learned to appreciate them almost as much as the schmaltzy early TV programming. And as time went on this stayed mostly the case. Enter the 80's and cable television. And the VCR. Suddenly there were options. Still, the networks and the cable channels found they could play nicely until Tivo came out. Then all hell broke loose.

Suddenly people could record shows. They could watch only the ones they wanted, never having to waste an afternoon brainlessly viewing crap in hopes that they'll catch their show. Viewers didn't have to tune in at any specific times, ruining shit for schedulers. And especially they didn't have to watch commercials.

When Internet TV showed up, television as we knew it was already hurting. Now, hell, now you don't even need cable anymore. I know more than a few people who get by just fine with a Roku or some sort of Internet box. Between hulu, Netflix (though that's for watching last year's shows, like the way my wife and I and, apparently, like, half of America watched MAD MEN seasons 1-5 in epic fits of streaming, leading to this season's record-setting premiere), individual network's you can subscribe to online (like HBOGO.com) they get by great without cable. For live events, y'know, gotta watch my Sunday football, unless you have NFL Sunday Ticket you spend most of the time having to go to sports bars anyway.

Basically, here's what it amounts to. Dish Network is having a pissing match with AMC, one of the few basic cable channels that's actually worth watching. Between BREAKING BAD, MAD MEN, and WALKING DEAD you have 3 of the most highly-regarded series on Television. What will be interesting is, if Dish Network actually drops AMC in June like it's threatening, will people start dropping Dish Network? I know I will.

The thing is, as much as these bastards hem and haw about little details and whatnot, the long and short of it is that the world as they know it is ending. It's a scary time for TV distributors as well as for studios and networks but in the end, there's one basic rule - the content is what matters. Or as AMC says, "Story Matters Here." Distribution methods have evolved through the ages without pause. Mail was distributed by foot or ass with falcon-carried communiques and then, once the new world was found, trans-oceanic cruisers for the upper class. Jump forward and there are regular trans-Atlantic steamers so everybody can communicate with Europe. Then we get cables for telegraphing and whatnot and eventually telephones. Go on to airplanes. Then faxes. Now most people communicate through email. Fast, easy, cheap; hell, you can send 'em off every day without having to incur any expenditure except for the time requisite to get it all written down.

TV was sent off solely through air signals, then came satellite, then cable, now you can choose all three or VIA phone lines. And even more, the infrastructure all these cable networks put in place can now be utilized as fiber optic internet delivery devices, possibly leading to the demise of their cable business but the building of the Internet business which will probably someday put cable delivery companies out of business.

Because Dish Network, DirectTV, Time Warner and Cox and so on, the thing is you're the middle man. You're developing some production holdings, like DirectTV did with FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS for a season, sure, but for the most part you're the middle man. I will develop loyalty to AMC, just like I have with HBO and Showtime (I even gave GIRLS a watch... ughhhh....). But I won't develop any loyalty to the bastard who charges me over a hundred bucks a month to watch shit I can mostly watch online if I just hustled a bit. I don't choose cable provider on anything but bang for my buck and content. And AMC is a deal-breaker for me. Dish Network you need to know your role - you're not Walter White (BREAKING BAD reference), you're not even Jesse - you're the head of Los Pollos Hermanos and without product, you have nothing. That's why you can't kill your cook, can you? Instead of fighting AMC over their bundles and this contract, take that money you got from all these new subscriptions and figure out some fucking way to deliver internet over your satellite dishes. Because your days are numbered. Just ask David foster Wallace about the Interlace network grids. Actually, you can't. Know why? Because he's dead.

Bummer.

- Ryan

When Terrible Things Happen to Great Athletes

What the fuck is going on? I’m not going to pretend to compare a suicide to torn ligaments. The impact of Junior Seau’s suicide is way more significant than a torn ACL by Mariano River or a torn achilles by Terrell Suggs. It's devastating to lose anyone to suicide, much less a future first ballot HO Famer like Junior Seau and this loss once again brings the discussion of concussions to the lime light. Torn pieces of collagen connecting bone means months and even years of rehab but the implications of what occurred to Junior Seau are permanent. There is that superstitious theory that bad things occur in threes and, while in no way similar in severity, I have decided to group these three recent disasters together in the same article for a few reasons. First, this superstition does not necessarily delineate between the type and degree of issues that occurred. Second, this theory is based more on timeframe and all three occurrences happened within a few days of each other. Finally, the three are all sports figures who are or were gods. Now, while there is an obvious difference between where the three are/were in their careers, they can still be compared and their effects on professional athletics correlate.

 

 

Awards (Pro-Level)

 

Junior Seau- 12x Pro Bowl, 10x All-Pro, 1x AFC Defensive player of the Year, 1x NFL Defensive player of the Year, 1x AFC Player of the Year, NFL Alumni Linebacker of the Year, NFL 90’s all decade team, San Diego Chargers Hall of Fame

 

Mariano Rivera- 12 time American League All-star, 1x ALCS MVP, 1x World Series MVP, 1x Thurman Munson Award, 3x Player of the Week award, 1x Babe Ruth Award, 4x This Year in Baseball’s closer of the Year Award, 3x Delivery Man of the Year Award, 2x Delivery Man of the Month Award, 1x Sporting News Pro Athlete of the Year Award, and 6x Sporting News Reliever of the Year Award.

 

Terrell Suggs- 5x Pro bowl, NFL Defensive Rookie of the Year (By Both AP NFL and PFWA), 1x NFL Defensive Player of the Year, 1x AFC Defensive Player of the Year, 1x First Team all Pro, 1x Second Team all Pro, 2x AFC Defensive Player of the Month.

 

Stats

 

Junior Seau- Tackles-1849, Sacks 56.5, Interceptions-18, Forced Fumbles-3, Pass Deflections-21

 

Mariano Rivera- 76-58 (Wins-Loss Record), 608 Saves, WHIP 1.00, Strikeouts, 1,119,

 

Terrell Suggs (Since the End of the Regular 2011 Season): Tackles-565, Sacks-82.5, Interceptions-7, Forced Fumbles-27

 

Overview

Junior Seau brought an undeniable fire and passion to the game of football. He decimated opponents and played hard every down. He helped his team win the AFC championship in ’94, leading them to Superbowl XXIX. He bounced around the Dolphins, then ended his career with the New England Patriots where he was a integral contributor to the undefeated team that lost to the G-men in the Superbowl. A goddamn helmet catch away from being a world champ. He was an animal and probably one of the most feared Chargers defensive players in their history. He was a hometown San Diego legend, starting in his career as a well known high school athlete from Oceanside, Ca, just a little north of San Diego. The town shits lightning bolts which made his being signed by his home team that much more legendary to the Charger faithfulls. He moved to Oceanside after his playing days were over. Before his untimely death at the ripe age of 43, this man-child held local fundraisers and started business ventures in and around the area. As the 8^th person to die from that Super Bowl Chargers , there is a thought that they are cursed as bad as, if not worse than, the Poltergeist Movies.

Mariano Rivera (shown at top) might be the most accomplished of the three as he has the rings and the records to prove it. Like Seau he's a first Ballot HOF and is synonymous with his team and city, tough in a city of legends running about 12 million deep. While he was not considered a blue chip athlete growing up, he switched positions and roles. He started as a shortstop, then switched to pitcher after scouts saw his lack of future in the infield. They noticed his fluidity on the mound and somehow knew he was bred to be the game changer. How the fuck they could tell this raw piece of work was a potential great is beyond me. Bought by the Yankees, he established himself as a true pitcher but, after dismal performances as a starter, he was relinquished to a reliever role. Eventually, he became comfortable, became the best closer in baseball history. What did this fucker do, you ask? He set countless records, most notably saves (608),  WHIP (1.00), and the highly coveted ERA (2.21). For the sake of time, I have decided to leave out the several pages of both MLB records and Yankee records that he's set, but I recommend you take a look. It’s fucking epic. Might I add that he has reached the pinnacle of his sport 5 times (5x world Series champions). He is a true Yankee.

Terrell Suggs has the swagger that has made him a Baltimore Fan favorite. It's never easy to build a name for yourself when living in the world of Ray Lewis and Ed Reed but Suggs certainly has done this. While this freak of nature hasn't yet established a legacy like the other two, he's also a lot younger and has been a professional for a shorter period. That said, he's already become the Raven’s sack leader and ranks eighth among all active players. He plays with a pursuit that leaves blockers and opponents in his dust and just truly loves playing the sport of football. He loves the shit talk but is able to back it up. His mouth looks like an alien and spews comedic genius, including his now infamous "Sizzle from BALL SO HARD UNIVERSITY". He's a devoted Baltimoron and, even with all of his flair, is a true team player who understands his role and appreciates his organization. He recognizes his fans and reciprocates the devotion. He was one of the youngest defensive players ever drafted when he was taken in the first round by the Ravens before he could even drink legally and has proven his worth. In 9 seasons, he's been to the playoffs 6 times and has been to two AFC championships. He's still seeking that bling made for the champs, but once he gets it, the world will know. Skip Bayless will finally bend down and kiss Sugg’s proverbial ass.

What we have learned from Three

 

Mo, Tsizzle, and Junior have had such success that each has ingrained himself into his respective home town. When something terrible occurs to these athletes, not only do the family and players feel it, but the fans do too.  All three played or play their sport because of a dire passion for the game, of course a paycheck, and respect. All three respect the games which have led them to stardom. Obviously, they are in three different phases in their career. Suggs will play again, the “Sandman” in my opinion is done, and Seau is now a man of history, which stings the most. It goes to show what players mean to their fans and when they give it all, we give everything back. Personally, I would sustain from alcohol for two years if it meant that the Ravens would win the Superbowl. Other pros can learn from these guys what it means to play with heart (I'm looking at you, Carmelo Anthony).

 

Seeing these three individuals and comparing what has occurred with each also exemplifies how these mechanical engines who are plowing into each other or are contorting their bodies at such a high level are opening themselves to a world of hurt. The ramifications of messing up as a pro are more severe then forgetting to send out that invoice or respond to that email. I’ve always thought that NFL rookie contracts are slightly inflated, but besides this I feel like pro athletes are paid their worth and even, occasionally, less. Events like this serve as reminders that these titans are still human and are susceptible to high end pain. And while anyone can get injured, we don't necessarily need a healthy leg to do our jobs. It is their livelihood which, because of the physicality, can come to a halt quicker than Charlie Sheen’s acting career. Joe Theisman never played another down, Terrell Suggs might never play the same, and Mo might have to end his legendary career on the DL. Financially, the amount of revenue these gladiators generate means they're proving their worth. I don’t get paid a multimillion dollar paycheck but my job also doesn't bring in billions. Isn’t that capitalism at its most basic?

 

Finally, these three have proven that no matter what you do, cough Roger Goodell cough, you cannot stop injuries from occurring no matter what fines or policies you implement. There's one constant for all retired NFL players, which is that retirees have sustained PTS from head related injuries. The consistent shell on shell hits have been shown to cause depression and recently these players have either spoken out, acted out, or committed suicide. It’s fucking deep and is causing me to side with rules in place to decrease a head hit. More of these players are coming out and will continue to, but the goal is to eliminate these effects for future players. This can be controlled and although I disagree with some of the commissioner’s new rules, another suicide by an ex-player has proven that something needs to be done. Progressing equipment can only do so much. Besides the head injuries, cutting down on fair hits when it looks too “vicious”, which does occur, softening the NBA by calling more fouls, or limiting a baseball player's pitch count does not mean these players will always be healthy. The Sandman was knocked out going for a fly ball, a pre-game ritual he's done throughout his career to warm up. The cause of Tsizzle’s injury is still not solidified but from what I gather, he was playing a pick-up hoop game with his boys. Another Raven, Sergio Kindle, fractured his skull while sleep walking and Amare Stoudemire required stitches and had to sit out game three of the NBA playoffs after engaging in a boxing match with a fire extinguisher after a drubbing by the hands of the Heat. The fire extinguisher won by unanimous decision. So essentially, these three have taught us that the neck up needs to be coddled and for the rest of the body, shit happens and there's nothing you can do about it so let the men play. 

 

While we hurt for Mo and T-sizzle, we mourn for Junior.

- Kyle

That being said, think of how memorable LT's hit on Joe Theismann will always be. 

(Do not look at the picture below if Squeamish)

The Jacksons take on the Western Hemisphere: Transcontinental Powder Run

My brother and I, like many ambitious brothers, share more than a few dynamic interests. Fitness. Movies. Hunter S. Thompson. Beef jerky. Riverboat gambling trips. But at the forefront of our similarities is a shared passion for adventures, new experiences, doing and seeing everything this great life has to offer. As such, this new Red-Bull-sponsored web series BROTHERS ON THE RUN holds a special place in my heart.

For our Friday adrenaline rush, then, I present you with the  Jackson brothers, John and Eric. John, a stoney dreadlocked snowboarder from Crowley Lake, just outside Mammoth, who for the past few years claimed honors and titles as one of the best snowboarders in the world. And Eric, the younger brother who, while John recovered from injury last year, stepped into his own spotlight as an equally-well-regarded pro snowboarder. Just the intro to this pilot, culled from footage of the Jacksons in ART OF FLIGHT (John) and People’s GOOD LOOK (Eric) is sick, chock full of footage sure to make your toes tingle and your adrenal glands pump.

The long and short of it – two brothers, sick snowboarders and all-around action sport dilettantes (with requisite comical quips and proficiency with guitars, guns, fishing rods, other action sports like surfing and rock climbing, as well as an insatiable hunger for travel) decide to road trip it from AK to Chile, follow one road from top of North America to bottom of South America, snowboarding and engaging in any and all extreme activities when the opportunities present themselves. This first episode alone has some epic spinal fractures, skeet shooting off a fishing boat, and the promise of what’s sure to be an epic pow run with none other than snowgod Travis Rice himself.

Let the adventure begin. Happy Friday

- Ryan

Beware of Zee Ugliness of Communist France

As the French elections heat up in anticipation of their culmination on Sunday, May 6^th (what kind of people hold an election on a Sunday? French people, that’s who!) it’s looking like Francois Hollande is going to replace incumbent Nicolas Sarkozy. If Sarkozy and his wife leave Elysee Palace, not only will this mean a general dropping in average hotness of first ladies (sorry Michelle Obama but Carla Bruni-Sarkozy is an actual, like, French fashion model and movie starlet and pop singer – God bless those French!) but a lot of the recent austerity measures inflicted by der Merkel mit der German Iron Fiscal Fist will most likely be overturned in exchange for a new contract geared towards boosting activity, not curtailing spending (you can’t win if you don’t play). As such and on the tail of my recent interview with an ex-KGB Russian drunk after the disgusting display of Putin weeping like a baby, I interviewed an esteemed French friend as we strolled the Champs-Elysee about what Hollande will mean for France.

“It will be ze disasterrrr! He is zee socialist!” Jesus, a Socialist President? Isn’t Socialist just another word for communist? Yes, right, USSR stood for “Union of Soviet Socialist Republic.” Good God, man, France’s gonna be falling to the red disease, same as the Russkis with their Putin who’s run the regime of Moscow for 2 decades and China, those bastions of Communist power. And Cuba. Next thing we know, France will be trading with Cuba!

“He vill charge 75% taxes on all zee people what make above one million euro each year!”

“Holy communism – how many French will that affect?”

“About .01% of the population. So not even zee 1% like in America. But it is truly le comunisme to benefit 99.99% of zee people on the backs of zee .01%, zee super minority. Zee rich have rights, like le noir et le romani, as zee liberals say, zo I do not agree, and will not be oppressed anymore!”

“What are rates now?”

“41%, up to 45%. It is a temporary tax this 75%, zey say, just to get out of debt but I sink Hollande, he lie.”

“Didn’t Sarkozy lie? Like, didn’t he say he went to, what’s that place called, Fukuyama, in Japan, after the earthquake?”

“Zat was not a lie. It was a, how do you say, anecdote, a colorful story, like an artiste expressing through words.”

Soon we found ourselves at the Arc de Triomphe, staring at the eternal flame. As I stared at that tribute to the brave men and women who fought and died in World War II, the last time the French fought a war, I started to envision what will happen to this beautiful nation once Hollande takes over.  No longer will men feel proud to hold high offices with supermodels on their arms. The country known for its fashion will instead be outfitted in standard-issue Soviet Blue jumpsuits. Kim Jong Il will visit and teach Hollande how to warp the people’s minds. 

"This must be stopped. Once the people elect one Socialist president, it's all over," I exclaimed between frantic puffs of Gauloises.

"Actually, zee president Francois Mitterand vas a member of le Parti Socialiste."

"I bet he ruined some things for France, right? Like probably made it hard for France to play fair with all the other European economies, ruin this whole Euro-debt thing, right?"

"Actually, no. Mitterand kept France in the European Monetary System, helped it along. In fact, in zee Jenkins Commission which founded zee system, zere was a Socialist representing one half of France."

"But no way will Hollande be like this Mitterand man you keep on referencing."

"Actually - he is Mitterand's, how do you say, protege, oui?"

My source pulled up a Wall Street Journal article about Sarkozy's struggles, most specifically pointing out: 

"Mr. Sarkozy was elected in 2007 on the promise that he would energize France's economy, shrink its large public sector and halve the unemployment rate to 5%. But when the global financial crisis struck in 2008, Mr. Sarkozy relied on debt to support banks and auto makers and to preserve the country's generous social-welfare system.
Although Mr. Sarkozy says he has succeeded in avoiding the pitfalls of Greece, Ireland and Portugal, which had to seek international help, he has failed to deliver on his electoral promises: Unemployment is at a 13-year high of nearly 10% and public debt is nearly 90% of the country's annual output, up from 64% in 2007."

Even more, my source pointed out that France's far-right candidate, think Rick Santorum to Sarkozy's John McCain, has refused to endorse Sarkozy, publicly declaring she will vote for NOBODY rather than endorse either of these candidates.


So now I'm confused. As my source, we'll call him Jacques, led me through the 8th Arondissement, I wondered why he's so freaked out about Hollande. This Socialist thing sounds more like a flashy name than a real affiliation with the tenets of Socialist Communism, like the way Snooki is considered a starlet or Tea Partiers claim to actually stand for some real, identifiable and actionable ideal. In fact, if anything the only difference between Hollande and Sarkozy seems to be that Hollande will eschew the pomp and circumstance of Sarkozy for actual solutions to France's current woes, in spite of the possibility of it alienating France's small population of uber-rich.


"So what's your problem with Hollande?" I asked as we rode a taxi through the city, the sweet smell of fresh baguette and spilled wine and hairy armpit wafting into our noses. With a wry smile and a twinkle behind bespectacled eyes he rambled a bunch of gibberish to the taxi driver and soon we found ourselves at a massive bank of smooth stone with an imperial view of the Eiffel Tower, the famed Esplanade du Trocadero. As the sun set behind the city, the tower started twinkling like a million flashbulbs announcing the end of another gorgeous Parisian day and the entrance of yet another soir tres chic.


"Look at that. Think of the Louvre, le Mona Lisa. Notre Dame. Brigitte Bardot. Catherine Deneuve. Audrey Tautou. Chanel and Lagerfeld. Jean Paul Gaultier. All the finest American literature, it was all written in Paris. This is a beautiful, whimsical country, mon ami, a place of flash and beauty. And just look  at Hollande. Tres embarrassment, no?"

You have a point there, sir. With that we made our way across the River Seine, from the futuristic 16th Arondissement right bank to the antiquated 15th Arrondissement left - or is it the other way, I'm very confused this place, where Socialists aren't communists and less than .01% of the population is rich by American standards. And we proceeded to get simply hammered on wine, snails, and Gran Marnier. Somewhere around midnight I was heard to scream "Le Resistance" as I navigated a rented Peugeot down a steep stairwell somewhere amidst the wailing of a deflating accordion, barrelling towards a mime who seemed to be trapped inside some type of evil invisible force field. I have a flash of being in a hard bed in a dingy apartment with floor-to-ceiling windows and curtains blowing gently through its open French doors overlooking a gothic church as a long-limbed hairy-crotched supermodel read "I love to think of those naked epochs/whose statues phoebus liked to tinge with gold/At that time men and women, lithe and strong/ tasted the thrill of love free from care and prudery". The next day I awoke on a bench in Gare de Lyon and, feeling well-rested and content as only a French wine hangover can make a man, I hopped a train to my next assignment. South, yes. I'll head south. In search of some action.France's been around long enough it knows what it's doing. Paris will always be the beautiful city of lights. They know that, in the grand scehem of things, none of this bullshit matters.

Southbound it is. Where shit's happening, yes.


- Foreign Correspondent Oscar Gam

NFL DRAFT: The Good, The Bad, and The Fugly

The Good

 

Dreams become Reality 
Seeing the look on the majority of the player’s faces affects even the least emotional of us. Just imagining this feeling of validation after such a long, hard journey can move an ambitious man to tears in a way that few other stories can.  Not to deny the fact that, of course, these players are physical specimens. These freaks of nature have the genetics in place as they are taller, faster, and stronger than 90% of the American population but even with these god-given gifts there’s no way they could’ve made it to the league without training. With each 6am sprint, tire pull, after-school practice lift, these players pushed themselves beyond us mere mortals in order to gain any and every minute advantage which got them to where they are today. At some point in most children’s lives, they come to realize that the naysayers and doubters are valid when they pull your pro athlete dreams down.

While my brother's more of a dreamer, I'm a bit more of a realist and while to shatter a kid’s dreams is as devastating as telling them there is no Santa, this will provide them with the mentality to pursue several different options, thus yielding a better chance of success. Think the kids who spent an hour less a night running sprints to study for their business final, the kids who used sports simply as a means to get to college. On the other hand, most of the players who get drafted decided to throw the security out the window to hit their goals. They risked it all, proved the countless doubters wrong, and achieved greatness. What is nobler than that?

 Name Game 
As an avid sports fan and gambler, I feel I know a little more about college sports than the average Joe but even I can’t say I know everyone in the draft. I recognize the majority of the players in the first and second rounds but I can’t say that I’ve watched all of them play and certainly haven’t  maintained an eagle eye on the individuals’ stats. The draft provides clips, stats, and other information of the players picked. There is so much going on in a football game it’s hard to keep radar on a guard, tackle, linebacker, or corner. It also brings to your attention those players from small colleges no one’s ever heard of. It does a great job of highlighting players who you might be watching for the next 10 years.

The Lucky Leo Watch 
Leonardo DiCaprio is an actor who everyone has followed from his inception, no pun intended. He was in the television series PARENTHOOD (1990 version) and GROWING PAINS until a breakout performance in WHAT’S EATING GILBERT GRAPE. Following this film, he became a regular in high-end cinema; THE QUICK AND THE DEAD, BASKETBALL DIARIES, ROMEO + JULIET, all the way to becoming one of the top two or three actors today. In a similar fashion, you can follow big high school recruits all the way to The League. With such websites, as Scout.com, rivals.com, and maxpreps.com, it’s easier to find information on the potential greats and follow them until they hit it big. It sounds fucking bizarre, but it feels like you’ve invested in a player by continually talking to your boys about this rising star. You can also take pride in knowing more than your boys about sports, which only rivals how often you get laid in the competitive realm of males.

 

The Bad

Length  

The Draft is not perfect and could use tweaking. “It’s not the size of the boat, but the motion of the ocean”, “It’s not the years, it’s the mileage”, and “It’s Quality, not Quantity”. Basically, what I’m hinting at is that the draft should decrease it’s duration as it doesn’t need to be so tedious to be intriguing. A lot of teams have several options and the great GM’s have figured out every scenario possible in order to draft the right individuals. This draft was full of essentially pre-meditated picks and trades, which was more prevalent this draft than others in the part. There were a few teams that needed to really switch gears last minute, i.e. the Ravens trading their first rounder, but the majority had a plan and did not need all the time allotted. After pick 25, all I want to do is them have them show the NFL’s greatest hits while the names scroll along the bottom. Please note that even after pick 25 is still the first of 7 rounds.

Gruden approval

Let me state that I am a big proponent of the man they call Chucky. Jon Gruden is one of my favorite analysts in all of sports as he understands the players and the teams and is not afraid to speak his mind. His understanding of the NFL is extensive. On Monday night football he does the unspeakable, questioning the officials, play call, teams, and essentially everything that would be considered out of line for a color commentator.  And so the biggest issue I have with him during the draft is how consistently positive he is regarding most picks. A few picks were a little suspect to me including Trent Richardson for several reasons and yet Gruden, like his other picks, thinks this was genius. While he was the best running back on the board, you can get a solid contributor in a later round for half the cost.

The Boss/Employee Bro hug

 When you get hired for a job, do you have a 15 second intense hug with your future employer? I can safely say that I have never experienced such an act nor has anyone I’ve ever met. I wouldn’t even give such a long awkward embrace to my girlfriend. Sure I didn’t overcome the odds to achieve something that most people aspire to and never attain, but why would they embrace a man they will most likely hate for a longer period than their family? It’s awkward and just does not make sense to me. The majority of the players dislike Goodell, which is pretty fucking apparent. I personally don’t mind him, but if I’ve learned anything from the lock-out and the players’ quotes, Goodell is public enemy number 1. I have a feeling that in a year these players will look back and wonder why, Why the fuck did I man-hug this asshole who’s now fining me?

Another aspect to consider is the fact the man they’re embracing is the reason they’re getting paid half of what their predecessors received. Again, I thought the salaries were inflated before the lockout, but I also do not risk a life of pain in order for a few years of glory. 

The Fugly

Apparently Occupy NFL means you’re diehard

I recently read an article on yahoo stating that NFL “Diehards” showed devotion by hanging out all day in line. The word Diehard is not something I would affiliate with the Occupy Wallstreet Protesters and, thus, not with this. A lot of the crunchy and homeless vagabonds occupying cities because they don’t have jobs remind me of a more extreme version of these NFL “Diehards”. It must be nice to stop everything, take weeks off, and hang-out all day in a pretty little park yelling at people because they have more money than you. This is similar to what some of the NFL Diehards did and, based on their interviews, it seems like they only care or have knowledge of what happens with their individual team and thus boo or cheer unnecessarily.  While they have general knowledge of the sport, they have no more knowledge than someone who studies the game intensely whenever they have free time from their 9-5ers and family/friend time. It is still hilarious to see the clip of the fans booing McNabb who had an arguably HOF career as an Eagle and it truly makes you wonder whether these “Diehards” know what the fuck they’re talking about.

I also wish I could literally bring all of my responsibilities to a resounding halt but, unlike a majority of them, I have a job and a life. I’m sorry if that sounds too harsh, but they’re unwilling to contribute financially to the league that provides them with so much and at the same time they get called “Diehards” because they wait in line while I work my ass off so that I can pay for tickets, gear, the NFL network, and maybe even eventually pay for tickets to the draft. And yet it’s amazing that I would be considered any less of a fan. I believe the Diehards shouldn’t get the recognition they received recently. Devotion is making time around a hectic schedule to follow the sport and contributing something back to it. Also, a lot of them are, in fact, just fugly.

- Kyle