Last
night, my roommates and I decided to head down to our local watering hole to
partake in a male ritual that has gone back generations. Taking advantage of a
ludicrious Thirsty Thursday special at our version of McSwiggens - I’m man
enough to admit that I enjoy How I Met Your Mother - we guzzled multiple Lax
Sodas, played darts, and watched football. During our malking (Man Talk), we
discuss the intricacies of taking drugs, the beautiful dance of courting
prostitutes, and sports.
After
several lax sodas, the discussion of gambling came up. Now let me give you a little
background on this topic. I am a degenerate gambler, my friends are degenerate
gamblers, and the worst part about it is we don’t have any money. For instance,
a simple game of darts or FIFA turns into $50 a head or $10 a head on who can
crush their beer first. head on who can crush their beer first. Now while these
small escapes help manage our addiction for throwing money away, we really go
deep on Pro Sports.
Last
night, my roommates, Mick and Nate, decided to bet on USF over Pitt. USF was
-3.5, which means they are essentially needed to win by 4 points or more to
cover. This appeared to be a lock as USF (16 in the land) was playing stifling
D like a crack addict looking for a rock and, with a quarterback who was making
it Rain like Pacman Jones, they were destined to beat the lowly Panthers. It
was a 4-0 team vs. a 2-2 team that had previously lost to a team that USF had
beaten. This obvious smashing was on the corner of Lock Street and Easy Winning
Avenue. After watching 1 half of football, we realized that there was an issue.
One that deep pre-game analysis would not allow you to see. This issue was a
pint sized, 5-9, 195 Junior named Jimmy Graham. And there is the x-factor that
could not be foreseen. This little heap of power ran for 226 yards and two TD’s
and caught the skin for 42 yards. Goddamn this asshole. He’s crashing our
party.
There
is no exact science to sports gambling. If this were not a lucrative industry,
then there would not be 1000 avenues that allow a slob like me to partake. In
the end it is very rare to come out a winner, but why do we put money down on
sports we love and teams we don’t give a flying fuck about? It’s because, as my
roommate Mick mentioned, “It’s fucking fun”. It’s sort of like, alcohol makes
ugly girls hot, betting makes shitty games fun.
What
the hell am I rambling about, you ask? Each week, I’m going to discuss my
sports locks of the week in hopes it guides you to financial bliss. I will make
this disclaimer; I will not make you money. As mentioned before, there are
no such things as a true lock. That’s why it is called gambling and not welfare.
I will, however, give you some decent games to bet on with my analysis. If you
don’t like it or disagree with my thought process, well then you can go fuck
yourself. I’m not holding a gun to anyone’s head, although there are a lot of
people I would like to.
Lock-Street
9/30
Biggest
Locks of the night
1.
Under on the Yankees<>Tigers game. (7). Two pitching titans playing in
spotlight equals an old–fashioned pitching fest. If you like boring, low run
games, then this is the game for you. Justin Verlander vs. CC Sabathia. Let’s
look at the stats. This season, Verlander is 24-5 with a 2.40 ERA and Sabathia
is 19-8 with a 3.00 ERA. Combine their ERA’s are lower than the over-under.
Also, Verlander is the hottest pitcher in baseball right now and CC dominates
in the playoffs.
2.
Rays at plus 1.5. They are feeling confident and bringing that swagger to
Texas. Longoria is on a hot streak and should not be dismissed. Granted, Texas
is currently 14-16 recently; the Rays have played each and every game in
September like it is a playoff game and have flourished. At this point they are
used to the pressure. Not only will they cover, they will start this serious
Best
of luck.
-
Kyle
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