Kevlar has many uses. The para-aramid synthetic fiber is a high strength material with many applications, from racing sails to body armor. It's a valuable aspect of tennis racquets, basketball shoes, audio equipment, bowstrings, building construction, cables, and fencing equipment. All of these uses are not always associated with the fiber, as they are overshadowed by the public’s knowledge of its ability to protect armies.
Kevlar is utilized in combat helmets, ballistic face masks, and bullet proof vests. Not only that, this indestructible property covers vulnerable portions of aircraft carriers and armored fighting vehicles. They keep evolving the fiber’s uses and now not only does it protect you from IED’s, it also protects you from 320 pound lineman.
Unequal Technologies has developed a military grade, war tested vest that will protect Vick’s brittle ribcage. Although as a diehard animal lover I still cannot fully forget the actions of someone who was mercilessly so cruel to animals that he even makes Hannibal Lector look somewhat human. I do think Vick has changed, but I would be more forgiving if he stopped it BEFORE he was caught. Either way, this article is not about my ideological differences with his supporters but about the product that protects his bird like bones.
When Vick plays, he has the ability to alter an entire game with what appears to be the ease of a normal man changing the TV. Sure Tebow, Newton, RG3, and Aaron Rodgers can run, but they are nowhere near as fast or as elusive as Vick. Not only that, he developed into a solid passer after his stint in the clank and now looks to flick the ball 70 yards. With these natural skills, though, there is something that causes him to be, at times, truly vulnerable. He still does not slide and he runs around the pocket like a chicken with his head cut-off until a window presents itself for a hot second, which is when he heaves the ball. This is when his ribs get pummeled.
Vick stated the other day “I don’t think I’m injury-prone at all… I just had a couple of fluke injuries that happened. But it’s not something I’m worried about.” He's only played one 16 game season and I think it would only be fair to look at his “fluke” injuries. In 2003, Vick fractured his right fibula and missed 11 games. In 2010 he suffered a rib cartilage injury. Last season he broke his hand, suffered a concussion, and broke two ribs. This preseason, he's already bruised his ribs and injured his hand. So if Michael Vick is not injury prone, then I’m not a drunk.
This man needs protection and it seems like the only possibility to keep him healthy is to use the same material that protects missiles. The CEO of Unequal Technologies stated that he guarantees that this Flak Jacket will not allow Vick to get hurt. So essentially, if Vick does get hurt, can he sue? How about if I get hurt while wearing the vest? Where are the ambulance lawyers when you need them. The company has an endorsement deal with Vick and currently provides products for 24 NFL teams, six NHL teams, and also designs body armor for MLB umpires. This EXO skeleton is light weight, flexible, and durable. They make several products, not just a flak vest, that can be used for a plethora of sports and even make specialized orthotics.
Look, if anything else, this military tested vest sounds badass. The fact that this type of product is necessary proves why the NFL is one of, if not the most violent sports in the world. If Vick’s ‘old man’ ribs remain healthy throughout the season, I feel that with the overwhelming safety pursuit that remains atop the NFL the league should collaborate with the makers in order to continue the progression of ensuring player safety. If worse comes to worse, they will be protected if someone tries to reenact the first scene from the Last Boy Scout.
The Baltimore has an international reputation as a city of drugs and thugs. When individuals think of Baltimore, they need to comprehend that the city is actually a melting pot of socioeconomic status. While THE WIRE is considered my many, including myself, the greatest show ever created, it does not portray the entirety of Baltimore. Sure, the deep seedy underbelly of the ‘hoods' in inner city/East Baltimore consist of excessive drug trade and the city's attempt at stopping an invincible market were depicted exceptionally in the show, but there are other elements of the Baltimore. There's a real blue-collar worker feel to the historic shipping and manufacturing city. There is a pristine (well, clean enough) tourist trade and a great night life in the confines of Fells Point, Canton, Federal Hill, Mount Vernon, and Towson.
Baltimorons, as we have no issue being called, take pride in our exceptional crab cakes, work ethic, our "hon" accent, our blue-collar history, our Ravens and Orioles, and how intertwined the growing sport of lacrosse is in the culture. Growing up in the lax Mecca causes the sport to be embedded in your bloodstream.
The lacrosse hub of the world (feel free to take offense Long Island, Northern NJ, and Toronto) is Baltimore. Growing up, you're given a stick before you can read. You play year round in the most competitive leagues in the world with overwhelming pressure to not only compete but dominate. High school games air on TV, high school lacrosse crowds are in the thousands, and eventually when having a discussion with someone rooted in Baltimore, the subject of lacrosse will be touched upon whether you want it to or not. In the Baltimore that I grew up in, there was simply no other element of life more important than the almighty stick.
Lacrosse is currently progressing throughout the country and the world. As the fastest growing team sport in the US, it is continuing to develop and change until it either becomes a staple of the country, standing tall with the kings of the sports world (NBA, MLB, NFL and I’ll throw NHL and, maybe, MLS into that category), or becomes another failed attempt at trying to charge the walls of the already diluted US Sports market.
Lacrosse will not go quietly into thy night nor do I believe it will become simply a fragment of a prior life. It encompasses portions of all top tier sports. It incorporates the hitting and play formations of football, the quickness and body control of the NBA, and the stick wielding, checking, and hand-to-eye control of the NHL (Gretzky said he learned his rink sense playing lacrosse). After blending these together, you can point out position similarities to the MLS (Forwards, Middies, Defenders, Goalie vs. Strikers, Middies, Defenders, Goalie). Therefore, it has the ability to appeal to all of the masses.
While watching the MLL semis and finals this week, I was listening to the broadcaster discussing the future of the league. While I was the only individual I knew who had a vast interest in watching the games, and also noticing the stadium not near capacity, I started to feel a small sense of fear that possibly this sport would sooner than later run its course.
The MLL started in 1998 by Jake Steinfeld, Dave Morrow, and Tim Robertson with its inaugural season beginning in June of 2001 with 6 teams. Now while it has had a tumultuous career as it went from 10 teams in 2008, down to 6 teams in 2009, 4 folding due to financial problems, there is actual potential. Currently, there are 8 teams and they plan on expanding to 16 teams in 2019. They have already discussed the 19 markets ranging from Miami to Seattle.
I do struggle with its current lack of popularity, but there are definitely reasons why it appears that the MLL and lacrosse in general will eventually thrive.
Exposure
The college final four is truly the pinnacle of the national lacrosse market. Because of the extensive talent, competition, and deeper history, college lacrosse is currently more popular than the MLL or the NLL for that matter (NLL is indoor). ESPN2 has been the national home for the MLL since 2003 and as of today, ESPN’s contract is the longest commitment that any television outlet has given to a lacrosse entity.
In 2008, all 64 MLL games, including the All-Star game, both, Semi-Finals, and the NB ZIP MLL Championship Game were streamed live on ESPN360.com. After airing live, the games were archived on the website for a period of one week.
In 2010, ESPN2 aired a total of 6 MLL games, including live broadcasts of the All-Star Game (July 8) from Boston, as well as the first Semi-Final game (August 21) and the MLL Championship Game presented by Warrior (August 22) from Annapolis.
In 2011, all 36 regular season games in addition to the 2011 Sports Authority MLL All-Star Game (July 9) and the 2011 Sports Authority MLL Championship Weekend presented by Warrior (August 27 and 28), were broadcast in syndication. Every MLL game was streamed live on ESPN3.com in HD, and a total of six MLL games including the All-Star Game and the Championship Weekend were broadcast live on ESPN2.
MLL recently announced a major television agreement with CBS Sports Network that will bring14 live games in HD to CBS along with 18 episodes of "Inside the MLL,” the league's 30-minute magazine show. Additionally, six games will be aired live on ESPN2, which brings the total number of nationally televised live games to 20 this season.
So as of right not the MLL’s issue is not exposure. It is continuing to increase its national exposure. Besides this, I can safely say that there are games in Baltimore that do play on local channels.
Now that's just the MLL. College contains several more games. Last season, ESPN (with coverage between ESPN, ESPNU, and ESPN 3) provided coverage for 49 total (39 regular season games plus six conference finals). I recall days when the only lacrosse action I watched consisted of ball-boying for Hopkins and Loyola. This explosion of coverage proves that, if the leader in sports think that this sport is profitable, they are doing something right.
Lax on the Big Screen
As someone who understands and appreciates the nuances of the sport, I can safely say that I have never seen the sport of lacrosse depicted accurately in any TV show or movie. The new Beverly Hills 90210 ( Exposure-Lacrosse in Cali), and American Pie essentially take the whole technical portion out of game. The stick stays stagnate instead of being cradled and never appears to change hands. That said, lacking stick skills does not seem to be an issue as these appear to be the stars of the team.
I have not seen Crooked Arrow nor a Warrior’s Heart, but from what I gather from the trailers, the lax games simply appear to be physical battles lacking any finesse. Sure Crooked Arrow seems to be a little realer than the rest, but the premise is lacrosse meets the Little Giants. A great movie when younger, but can be slightly too hokey for an older generation.
Crooked Arrow
A Warrior’s Heart
Growing up, I can safely say that lacrosse in Baltimore is similar to football in Texas. It’s intense. There's an unhealthy amount of pressure from your coaches, peers, and family, not to mention all the politics at play. It means so much to each pocket community. I would say a better comparison for Hollywood would be Varsity Blues or to a lesser extent Friday Night Lights. I've seen player’s face masks dragged into the dirt by their coaches, screamed at mercilessly due to a slightly inaccurate passes, sprints until vomiting, and there was even an individual from my brother’s grade who was recognized by the clerk of a liquor store while buying booze underage. I think they served him anyway.
Ok so one thing that I've found out is that any publicity is good publicity. Several years back, they actually developed a video for the sport and it sank quicker than the Titanic. One can say that these moving pictures are helping grow the sport but on the other side their inaccurate depictions might lead to further ignorance about what the sport really is, especially in light of an athletic pushback against overt violence in sports.
Expansion
The MLL appears to have in-depth plans on how they want to expand to future territories, but in order to do so, they need to ensure that they enter into profitable markets. While the sport has started to aggressively expand around the country, it's still a young sport. Sure there has been more parity in the college game between the teams who make it to the final four and the players that form those teams, but there are still several generations that encompass the majority of die-hard sports fans alive who never experienced the game. Without living in a centralized lacrosse bubble or having children who play the game, they cannot comprehend the sport.
According to US Lacrosse, youth participation has grown over 138% since 2001 to nearly 300,000. It is also the fastest growing high school sport in the last 10 years, where there are now an estimated 228,000 high school players. Granted that number is still minute when compared to the number of high school kids in the US, but it's still growing. Therefore, I foresee it continuing to progress, but right now, it still lacks popularity. Only one of my four roommates’ high schools actually had a program while they attended.
So while I think the MLL should expand, and it will, it should not do so without a base in place or they will have to then downsize like when they went from 10 to 6 teams. Either way, the future does look promising and I would prefer to see it grow slowly until it's developed enough of a following to remain. Eventually, the young lax bro’s will age and get to a point where they can be more vocal in the decision making revolving around the US sports industry.
In the end, this is the real American pastime, played by Indians before Europeans had anything resembling organized field athletics (polo doesn't count). It's been here long before baseball and obviously isn't going anywhere. - Kyle
The Gulf just isn't a good place for those wacky Republicans and as such one has to wonder what the GOP was thinking scheduling Mittens' debutante ball down in Tampa.
There was the Deepwater Horizon fiasco which is directly linked to BP and oil money, not trying to politicize that but a concrete plug was put in place by Halliburton which, if not a direct member of the right wing is certainly an appendage of former VP and current Sith Lord Dick Cheney. Even more, if these guys can't be trusted to fix an oil rig, how did they win so many no-bid contracts to build the infrastructure of the Iraq war? Oh, right. Also, it's an interesting fact that it was Bain Capital (though after Romney had "ceded control" so he could run Massachusetts) who had met with BP and advised them to cut costs including a slashing of some environmental safety and maintenance standards, similar to a country cutting its funding for social programs designed to maintain safety and health of its most at-risk citizens. Again, there is no direct correlation here between Romney and the Deepwater Horizon - to claim such would be as ridiculous as saying that the current state of the economy is a result of the government having too much regulation when actually it's a result of the deregulation of the finance industry from which, in fact, Romney and Bain benefitted.
Then there's of course Hurricane Katrina, whose 7-year-anniversary is coming up on Wednesday, appropriately enough just when Hurricane Isaac will be hitting land. Which makes one wonder what the fuck they could be thinking scheduling this convention at that time and that place. Katrina flooded New Orleans why? Because the Federal Government didn't want to spend money fixing things the Corps of Engineers had told them needed fixing because it would cost too much (why is that familiar?). And then there was the weak response, "Heckuva job Brownie" but why was Brownie so bad? Oh right, because his previous job before getting placed as the head of FEMA and the Department of Homeland Security was heading the International Arabian Horse Federation. And why was FEMA so unprepared? Right, because we shifted all its money to fighting terrorism though DHS had no major anti-terrorist victories until Obama came through with a new way of fighting wars. Even more, it's one of the many visceral fuck-ups that defined not only W.'s White House but the GOP in general, leading to their sweeping defeat in '07/'08
But anyway, now we're going into a Republican Convention that has the potential to be a Wes Anderson satire. Seriously, is anybody else as excited for this as I am?
Let's just look at the factors:
1. Mittens Romney, a Mormon (and people were worried about electing a Cathlic with Kennedy), who made his money running a company in the industry currently blamed for ruining the world economy, with the face of the bad guy jock in a John Hughes movie and the personality of a mechanized mannequin, will be crowned the GOP nominee.
2. Paul Ryan will be his running mate - a Catholic (not helping the evangelical powerhouses) who presents more of the same bland whiteness, has already publicly had his balls cut off by Romney's people for everything from his stance on military spending to his support of the auto bailout. Not to mention what outsiders did when they saw his dangerously loony new "balanced" budget. We could give him some precocious intelligence that makes him sick with all the bullshit he has to swallow to take on his role - a stretch, admittedly, but it's necessary for the Wes Anderson pitch.
3. Rape. And women in general. First we heard about Senator Akin's "legitimate rape" as he spouted some magical defense mechanism the female body has to shut down her reproductive capabilities in the case of rape - apparently Akin never saw PRECIOUS. But then there's Paul Ryan's claim that, as he's firmly anti-abortion, rape is "just another method of conception." Add this to the fact that Mrs. Romney once gave some money to Planned Parenthood (from knowing a few people who've gone there, that about the cost of a Planned Parenthood abortion, I think...) and that she claims to not remember why she gave it. On the other side it was revealed in an interview that she and her husband disagree on some issues. This is not only a personal problem in a faith in which women are seen as second class citizens (Mormonism) and as such are not allowed to disagree with their husbands but in general this could be a presidential problem with all the shit flying about the Republican war on women. Good luck with that.
So what we have here is one helluva dinner table conversation in which Mitt, Paul, Ann, and maybe even Akin, over a meal of grilled Florida wahoo and gater jerky, try to hammer out what the government can say about women's reproductive organs and how to minimize fallout.
4. Ron Paul - like the crazy uncle Mom and Dad are worried about but the kids love to see because he makes a crack in the parents' flawless veneer, Ron Paul and his delegates are sure to ruin the modern lie both parties have espoused, that America is best aided by encouraging uniformity in message and purpose within party lines instead of encouraging debate and discourse. I see him as Gene Hackman in TENENBAUMS but more respectable.
They keep trying to pull the conversations back to Obama and the current economy. Ignore how economic indicators take years to catch up to any moves and, even more we must avoid how widespread financial speculation committed by hedge funds and securities brokers, thanks to increased Government Deregulation, is what actually put us into this situation. They also try to point to how he's pulling back on defense spending, opening things up for the terrorists and trying to ignore his record on that front.
So the debate rages, cracks start to show, Religious Right fights with Social liberals and Financiers fight with heartlanders and the Tea Partiers fight with everybody. Ron Paul roars and reminds the few non-zombies left in the party that, in fact, this is a clusterfuck and they should be embarrassed so all the brains walk out to start a third party that just might win the next election. Paul Ryan gets tired of feeling like Robin and Romney, tired of pretending he likes anybody who's not an upper class white man, says something along the lines of "those blacks need to pull themselves up by their bootstraps, just like the great prophet Joseph smith said" or "poor people are just as happy as I am - in fact, I wish I was poor, then I wouldn't have to shoulder the responsibility of bringing together the gays, the religious right, the Mexicans, middle American farmers and financial sharks. And those Tea Partiers - woo, who knows what they want." Maybe one of the Romney kids discovers he's gay, a sin as a Mormon and as a Republican, and tries to commit suicide, Wes Anderson always has attempted suicide in his movies. And just as Ann Romney runs out on her husband after discovering the Planned Parenthood slip was for an abortion for his mistress (added to the script just to make it interesting, dramatization what it is), the storm hits. Power goes out and everybody has to fight the disaster together to survive, learning a few things along the way and emerging a more solid political party. Though the GOP loses by a landslide and fades into history, with the Whigs, the No-Nothings, and the Federalists.
So this weekend Joseph Gordon Levitt's newest movie isn't some brilliant indie flick or some thinking man's action a la INCEPTION. No, in fact it's a movie about, like, a bicycle messenger running from Michael or something, sure to be awful - or at best like a bike version of XXX. Yes, in spite of all the ad buys they've placed during Network A programming and the X Games, I will not be seeing PREMIUM RUSH.
But the worst part is that there's already a documentary about street messengers racing at freakishly high speeds through busy metropolises and, far from being on cordoned-off sets with well-choreographed near-misses it's FUCKING REAL!
Yeah, check it out, apparently for years there've been these bike messenger street races. And in LINE OF SIGHT, Lucas Brunelle has pulled together these breathless races through crowded city traffic on small hunks of rolling alloy into a documentary sure to raise your heartrate, get your palms sweaty, and certainly captivate you much more than the JGL flick. Sorry, buddy but, hell, there are real heroes who do for free what you get paid millions of dollars to pretend to do. And why not support them directly instead of a Hollywood homage to them? Maybe then they'll be able to afford some protection.
As summer ends, and accordingly so too does another blockbuster season, I'm left with a festering fear that has been brewing for a couple years now: nobody knows how to create a character anymore.
It's been a standard lament the last few years that Hollywood has run out of ideas, is resorting to an overflow of remakes, adaptations, and sequels/prequels (did TOTAL RECALL really need a redo? And have you heard this rot that they're trying to do a sequel/prequel to RAGING BULL? God help us). Now isn't the time for me to echo sentiments that Hollywood has grown conservative with the movies it greenlights, that development execs have lost all ability, seemingly, to push forward unique, dynamic projects seeing as that's already been hollered ad infinitum. All I'm gonna talk about is that yet another big studio picture season has passed with a massive glaring hole: no new characters have exploded upon the scene and taken over the zeitgeist.
Come to think about it, we haven't gotten a new cinematic character since Captain Jack Sparrow. Since then it's been mostly a parade of old characters reborn or leading characters who are, at best, simply an extension of those coming before and any of the nameless "hero's journey" puppets. While there are some great stories sneaking through the cracks of the Hollywood factory, there are very few new memorable people. And if there are, they're more just a talented actor or actress, that is people refer to "Zach Galiafanakis' character from THE HANGOVER," not "Alan."
As such, I was watching BEVERLY HILLS COP the other day, lamenting the fact that there just is no modern day Axel Foley. Which led me to wondering what woulda happened if they made a movie where Axel Foley teamed up with Chevy Chase's Fletch. Which brought about an idea that might just help Hollywood get over their current remake hump. That is, don't simply recast characters from classics; no, if you're gonna rehash old shit, at least put together some AVENGERS-esque combos, bringing us team-ups we always wish we coulda seen. I'm not gonna include characters taken from reality, books or TV shows because that's cheating to give the movie people credit for creating them in the first place (sorry JAMES BOND, ROBIN HOOD, LAWRENCE OF ARABIA, and all the comic book characters). And if given the whole of cinematic history then suddenly it's overwhelming - BLUTO BLUTARSKY from "ANIMAL HOUSE" with FRANK THE TANK from "OLD SCHOOL" or RICK from "CASABLANCA" with HAN SOLO, for example - shit you could do STAR WARS combos all day. Which brings me to this TEN 80'S AND 90'S MOVIE TEAM-UPS I WANT TO SEE. Enough of you check it out, maybe we'll have to revisit it with more instant classic combos.
10. CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW and CAPTAIN RON in CARIBBEAN HEAT
Yes, I'm starting off cheating, Sparrow is from 2003. But these men are both personal life heroes of mine. Captain Jack is good with his trickery, his whores, and his rum drinking. Captain Ron knows where the parties are and could help Sparrow get used to the modern Caribe. Together they go searching for the legendary treasure of the galleon Puta Madre. Along the way they encounter Haitian zombies, narcotraficantes, and one enterprising whore named Santa Maria who's just as handy with a gun as with her ample... wits.
9. UNCLE BUCK and THE DUDE in RITUAL KILLINGS, GUNS, AND BOWLING
Uncle Buck is loveable, a bit of a con man but mostly harmless. The dude is a slacker, perhaps not the best person to rely upon in a jam but he's loyal and all in all he's a good guy. Their shared love of bowling leads them to a long-lasting friendship when Buck replaces Donny on their bowling team. When Walter's arrested for illegal gun-running, Buck's talking and the Dude's creative resilience are needed to spring Sobchak out of jail and take down the low level crime boss scumbag framing him.
8. AUSTIN POWERS and SHAFT in BLACK OPS
The swingingest spy from the 60's meets the swingingest detective from the 70's (yes, Shaft is another cheat but I'll chalk it up to Equal Opportunity employment). Shaft relies on his toughness and occasionally a big gun while Austin relies on his gun and a judo chop. But when some hot pussy makes its way across their path, watch the fur fly. When Austin traces Dr. Evil to the Bronx, he runs into John Shaft who's tracing the violent heron trade up the chain to who else but - Dr. Evil. In a flurry of mojo and hand to hand combat, Shaft and Powers show the world that it takes a real player to bring justice.
7. JOHN MCCLANE and NEO in ZION'S ON FIRE
One's an old school tough guy who can shoot a gun and take a beating but can't use a computer. The other is a computer nerd whose brains make him superpowerful in the Matrix but outside he's just a geek in a ratty old shirt. One says "Yippy ki ay motherfucker" The other says "Whoa." But when war with the robots erupts in the real world of Zion, Neo has to free the world's last real tough guy, John McLean, to help the geeks fight war in the real world. Between McLean's smart-ass comebacks and Neo's all-around smarts, they launch a real attack on the infrastructure of the machines behind the matrix. Along the way McClane teaches Neo how to not be such a bitch while Neo teaches him about emo music and how to use Windows Media Maker.
6. ELLEN RIPLEY and SARAH CONNOR in TOUGH BITCHES II
These women were both cowering weaklings in their first feature outings and both became models of tough gun-wielding feminism in their sequels. Of course this would be along the lines of those Aliens vs. Predator vs. Terminator comics, these intergalactic super-baddies all come together to fight on earth or something, maybe the politicos put together some deal to allow them to set up wild battles in Hollywood (it'll kill off the liberal media while making a tidy profit) and it's up to Ripley (sent back from the future) and Sarah Connor to save the day. Written and directed by James Cameron, lotsa guns, explosions, ripped women in tight, sweaty tees, yeah, pretty much guaranteed to be the biggest movie of all time.
5. SLATER SON and SPICCOLI in ENTER THE BONGRIP
Okay, maybe Slater might be a little bit of a stretch as an "all-time character" (though if you haven't gone through a proper DAZED AND CONFUSED phase, your youth might have been wasted). And yes, there have been plenty of stoner duos over time. But Spiccoli is the most legendary. And he's apparently a sick surfer, not to mention the fact that he essentially cemented the Cali surfer bro twang most people who know nothing about surfing affect when they do impersonations. And Slater, like, c'mon, he's probably the most real stoner caricature ever. In this movie, Slater, a star in the 70's, is now living in a one-bedroom and working at a surf shop/drug front after discovering and following Van Halen to Cali one summer and just never coming back. There he meets a young surfer with a predilection for the bud. An epic origin story, this bildungsroman shows Spiccoli quickly learning the pointlessness of school and how all he needs are cool buds and tasty waves. And he learns that all the girls in his class are worthless, thus making his epic burn that much more fulfilling.
4. ACE VENTURA and TEEN WOLF in FINDING TINKERBELL
Back before werewolves were all super-ripped white (or brown) trash - or, for that matter, an MTV soap opera - , Michael J. Fox played an average kid who just happened to grow fur and super-strength as a side-effect of puberty. Ace Ventura is of course the most legendary, and only, pet detective to grace the screen. Ace is hired by Paris Hilton to find her lost Chihuahua, Tinkerbell. But when he loses the scent, he finds an ally in a high schoolkid who can turn into a wolf and track the dog by nose alone. Teen Wolf also ends up being a good backup when it turns out that Paris' dog was stolen by the WeHo Russian mob as a ploy to lure the heiress into a sex slave trade. Lots of funny scenes - like, at some point Ventura scratches Teen Wolf justttt rightttt and his leg goes to twitching. In another Teen Wolf starts up an epic party where Ventura takes down bimbettes like Charlie Sheen with an eightball. And a few shots of Paris nude. Hilarity ensues.
3. SHENEHNEH and WANDA
Okay, I know the rules were film characters only and of these two one's an ancillary character in Martin Lawrence's all-but-forgotten TV show while the other is a Jamie Foxx skit from INLIVING COLOR. But after watching this video (and above), this combo just had to be on the list.
2. INDIANA JONES and THE WOLF from "PULP FICTION" in CLEANING UP ATLANTIS
Indiana Jones can handle any situation. So can The Wolf. So when Marcellus Wallace wants some muh-fuckin' treasure from the real Atlantis, the Wolf calmly steps through time and strong-arms Indy into leading him to it. What starts off as a hostage situation quickly becomes a partnership as they get in deeper and The Wolf's calmness and ability to blend in at high-end parties and whatnot is countered by Indy's toughness and archaeological knowledge. Plus the Wolf helps Indy out of a tough spot involving a Nazi prostitute and an overzealous whipping session. MACGYVER makes a guest appearance in a flashback as Indy's childhood friend.
1. FLETCH and AXEL FOLEY in TAKING IT TO THE MAN.
This inspired this whole blog. So you can blame it on these bastards. But seriously, are there any two more brilliant investigators than Detroit's finest and the LA Times' best? Not only can they piece together international high-end drug and crime conspiracies, they do it while employing all sorts of impersonations and false identities. ("Tell Victor that Ramon - -the fella he met about a week ago? - -tell him that Ramon went to the clinic today, and I found out that I have, um, herpes simplex 10, and I think Victor should go check himself out with his physician to make sure everything is fine before things start falling off on the man." - classic Axel Foley.) In this movie Fletch uncovers a scheme by Bank of the West to hide money being given to a Mexican Cartel behind money losses in the stock market. At the same time Axel, chasing the cartel to avenge yet another dead partner, runs into the money laundering and at first mistakes Fletch for an enemy. But as the BHPD, now fully in the pockets of the bad men we call "job creators" gets on both their tails, these two masters of disguise and investigation have to team up to uncover bank fraud, Mexican gangs, and, along the way, fight for the affection of a gorgeous blond movie star who just happens to be the daughter of the bad guy - played by David Hasselhoff.
Good. I hope you enjoyed this list and, even more, that you think it's just as much of a waste of time and brainpower as I felt like it was making it.
And if you have any other suggestions, which I'm sure you do, send 'em in the way of comments. Maybe somebody'll notice. I mean, shit, any of these have gotta be better than that TOTAL RECALL remake.
The evolution of sports equipment is more aligned with performance and protection than with alterations that revolve around aesthetics. Currently in the NFL, the progression of player’s helmets is to eliminate concussions instead of creating a fashion statement. In lacrosse, the manufacturers are continuing to make the heads lighter and still durable. Soccer cleats are being made to provide the best feel on the ball as possible. Basically, while the aesthetics can be altered into being more appealing, usually that aspect takes a back-seat to a more important goal.
Two Swedish designers decided appearance was just as important as safety. They decided to revolutionize biking helmets by turning a jacket into an airbag system that upon crashing shoots out an inflatable helmet that engulfs your head. In spite of claims that the product's design is based around aesthetics, it actually creates the appearance that you are an alien from the movie Alien. If for some reason you crash, I would peruse the surrounding areas to ensure that Ripley is not in general vicinity.
Victim from the thrown bottle
The “invisible” helmet Hovding (Swedish for Chieftain) uses gyroscopes, accelerometers, and advanced sensors in order to trigger the release of the helmet upon crashing. Ok, so I understand that this can sense that you are falling, but what happens if a disgruntled postal worker who has had a day filled with ravenous canines and extreme heat decides to throw a newspaper at your head, or Chris Brown and Drake decide to have an altercation on the streets leading to a bottle being tossed at your skull. Does the product still inflate? While I'm sure both scenarios have been instrumental in the development of the product, nowhere does it state whether such incidents would lead to the inflation of this jacket airbag.
At this point there is no turning back. These Swedish designers have received millions of dollars of funding, have done their due-diligence by employing a brain-trauma specialist, and in my opinion have come up with a potentially more profitable patent than product as their idea of utilizing small sensors to predict falls and crashes in clothing could become something of the future for public servants. They also contain “black boxes” that record up to 10 seconds before the actual crash which is not only useful for continued research, but it can also be utilized to understand who you need to sue after the incident.
After understanding the complexity of this product, it is only fitting to learn how much it will set you back. While most biking helmets range from $50-$100, the Hovding costs only a mere $600. Seeing how no one is riding their bikes to the Oscars, my personal opinion is that these are not worth the hole they create in your wallet. As a majority of cyclists ride for transportation and recreation, I would leave this helmet to the stormtroopers.
The soft tones fill the air as the jet engines begin to open, warm up. Men with earphones motion for the jets to get into position on the aircraft carrier. Then boom, tires roar, engine launches the jet skyborn and the music shifts into the Danger Zone.
This image is one of the most indelible movie openings in modern history, the intro to TOP GUN. If Tony Scott had wanted to rest on his laurels, he could have after this movie. But in fact it was just the beginning of an amazing career filled with everybody from Quentin Tarantino to Denzel Washington, a lifetime of both feature and TV success of which any Hollywood player would be jealous.
The man died last night after jumping off a 150 foot bridge connecting Long Beach to San Pedro. Everybody's reporting he had an inoperable brain tumor and as such there's nothing to begrudge the man. As humans there's really only one thing that we're born with - our lives. And often in life it can feel like outside factors are colluding to rob us of that one great possession, to take away our freedoms, to make our lives no longer our own. That is to say, often we feel like we no longer control our own lives. Certainly nothing does this with a more resounding thud than terminal disease. Even imprisonment not only allows one to continue breathing, thinking, processing (albeit in a much more confined space), often it can end with the prisoner re-emerging into the freedom of the outside world. But a terminal, untreatable disease leaves no option but to suffer through the final stages of your body rotting from the inside. Your loved ones will see you in horrible pain, loss of bodily control, bowels and such. I always like to save one last bite for the end of every meal. For example, I get a steak dinner, I eat everything else before I go out with one last delicious bite of steak. The last bite's what you're left with when you leave the table. So why do we as a society begrudge a person deciding his last bite shouldn't have to be a vomit-filled rotting? Along those lines, Scott went for a last moment full of the drama - and, having driven on that bridge, surely a nice view - and as such there should be no judging of this as anything less than the final act of a man who knows dinner is over and just wants to go out with one last bite of steak.
That off my chest, we need to honor this man who made a career off celebrating the strong, the tough, and the hard.
Seriously, TOP GUN followed by DAYS OF THUNDER, CRIMSON TIDE, Bruce Willis' THE LAST BOYSCOUT (with its epic scene of a football player running downfield capping motherfuckers) to the first script turned into a big Hollywood movie written by a fan-geek named Quentin Tarantino (TRUE ROMANCE) to Denzel's tour de force MAN ON FIRE and the "finally showing Keira Knightley getting down" bounty hunter flick DOMINO, not to mention producing ASSASSINATION OF JESSE JAMES BY THE COWARD ROBERT FORD and TV series THE GOOD WIFE and the mini-series PILLARS OF THE EARTH and most recently even the special-effects achievement PROMETHEUS (as directed by his luminary brother Ridley).
All of these movies are about doing the right thing though it's hard, though it hurts, though it might even kill you. It's about being a man both through your greatest hours and through your decrepitude. About not taking shit off nobody and reaching, striving, for greatness. As such Tony Scott is in many ways an oracle and a role model for a man's ambition.
And as such, we owe him a debt of gratitude for all the brilliant stories he brought us about what it means to be tough in a world that's growing increasingly tougher. And like all great men, his legacy will live on far past his flesh.
When I was a kid I trained for my school sports - running and lifting weights and spending hours throwing or kicking balls to become a better lacrosse or soccer player. But never one to fully accept higher authority, much less the rigidness and politics of competitive team athletics, I never really saw it as anything more than a necessary evil (even, to a certain extent, playing such sports I saw as a necessary evil) and it wasn't until I moved to Steamboat and really got into snowboarding that I started training whole-heartedly. That is to say, not only did I work out harder than ever before but I also spent hours practicing for my sports and, even more, savored these training sessions. Though there's a difference, admittedly. Spending 3 hours on a muggy Baltimore summer afternoon kicking a soccer ball into a goal or throwing a lacrosse ball against a wall gets pretty old and miserable pretty fast. But my discovery of the Steamboat Springs skatepark opened up a new world of cross-training I'd never knew existed. That is, I'd spend hours skating, literally until I was completely drenched in sweat, bare-chested and sucking wind and quads and calves on fire and still I wanted to continue on until the darkness of dusk sent me home.
Such would revolutionize my conditioning as I transitioned from training for standard teamsports to training for boardsports. I started skateboarding more, even though at my prime at best I could drop a few steps, slide a few rails, and simply rocker to fakie to 50-50 a halfpipe. Still, hours spent in parking lots or, when motivated and with a couple bucks in my pocket at parks (since only in the mountains are community parks free) made me into a better skater which made me into a much better snowboarder, especially when it came to technical tricks, which was what I was after. That, combined with sports like mountain biking and, eventually, with Indo boarding turned training from a boring act of repetition to a more fulfilling and more applicable exercise of physical improvement. Not to say I didn't use traditional weights anymore; they were simply no longer the heart of my exercise.
Recently, as I now mostly just train to supplement surf, snowboard, and now hiking trips I've been keeping my eye on other extreme sports athletes and, as these evolve from bros pounding beer and fucking around to legititimate multi-million dollar careers, so too does the importance of fitness and training. Last week I showed how the Walsh brothers live their lives centered around the big waves they charge and how, in turn, they train for such extreme punishment with super-dynamic cross-training. As such, here's a little something about how snowboarders deal with the summer.
Some have the luxury and the hunger to go south for the snowless northern months, to place like Las Lenas Argentina, Portillo Chile, and of course New Zealand. Others go to camps on glaciers in the Cascades or just go to BC for some summer glacial shred. But there's another strategy, one that not only is less costly but also helps prevent the burnout that follows 300+ days of snowboarding interrupted solely by the arduous hassle of travel. Shaun White famously explained he needs his cross-over to skateboarding to help not only rejuvenate his love of snowboarding but also to teach him new tricks he can then apply to the snow. As such, his summer X vert golds no doubt have transferred to his Olympic and winter X domination.
As such, it's amazing to see what these snowslayers do during their time off. Not only are these cross-training activities tenfold more interesting and fun than the standard athlete running in a field with a tire around his waist, these guys are also much better at these simple "training sports" than most people who pursue these activities. Simon Camberlain just fucking around throws down skate parts that could be in a junior kid's sponsor me video. And JP Walker's not only a decent skater but surfs and does it pretty damn well. While not blowing the doors off any contests, he's got a nice flow and his skills on the stand-up paddle are certainly beyond the average such I see trying to long-oar it into the beachbreak in Redondo.
So anyway, check out this video of Simon and JP showing what they do to keep themselves fulfilled, strong, and on their toes when the snow's not falling.
And enjoy the dying hours of summer. Because soon it'll start getting cold and rainy and, maybe, if we're lucky, we'll finally get some snow this winter. But either way, as always happens, at some point you'll look outside at the dying light or the cold ocean and realize you wished you'd spent more time getting out there in the sun. Hard to imagine right now in this heat wave but it's true.
So Ryan wrote a great overview of the Olympics and it should absolutely be read before you read this article, but I thought it would be great to write one more in-depth analysis of the top stories of the biggest sporting event of the year. Personally, I'm more of a Winter Olympic person, but in general I am truly fascinated when the world comes together to show who is physically the mightiest, summer or wintertime. For those of you who are wondering where I got the number 30 from, rest assured it's not the age when they kill gymnasts. The significance of 30 is that these games marks the 30th modern Summer Olympic games. Although the first Olympics was recorded in 776 BC, the modern games started in 1896 and since it has evolved into the greatest sporting event that occurs every two years.
Enough rambling. Let’s get this started!
30: Mckayla Maroney (USA) is Not Impressed- Her unwillingness to appreciate a silver medal in vault went viral instantly. I must say that I like her hunger. She might be the best vaulter in the world and even won a silver medal but she knew that she was better than second and had no qualms about her inability to hide her emotions.
29: Robert Harting (GERMANY) IS the Incredible Hulk-This beast of the human might have had the best celebration in sports history. Robert Harting is happy. And you wouldn't like him when he's happy.
28: Ye Shiwen (CHINA): She is not a dope(r )- Look I always defend those being accused of doping until proven guilty. Ye Shiwen might just be a swimming prodigy as she shattered a world record in the 400 Individual Medley and 200 IM and swam a faster last 50m in the 400 than Ryan Lochte when he won Gold. She might be short and young, but they test like crazy and she has responded to her critics by explaining her intense training regimen. Personally, I think the question should be her sex and not the fact she used performance enhancers. Can’t we just be happy for her/him?
27: The Women’s Individual all-around Gymnastics: A story of smiles and tears; Gabby Douglass did everything she had to in order to win that gold for the women’s individual all-around competition, but her triumph was marred by the tears of Jordyn Wieber. Damn the rule that states that only the two best players from each team advances.
26: Basketball is as International as Any Sport: The US men’s team went undefeated throughout the Olympics, as predicted, but it was no easy task. While it was undoubtedly the US team’s Gold medal to lose, they barely escaped the clutches of Lithuania, got physically beaten up by Argentina, and didn't have an answer for the big men from Spain. This is probably the second best team in US Basketball history, but they still had trouble. Although the Dream Team would have pummeled this year’s Olympic squad, there's no question that international competition is stiffer nowadays.
25: Kayla Harrison (USA) Ain’t Nothin' to Fuck With: She won the gold medal in judo and is one of the best female fighters in the world, but growing up she contemplated suicide after being sexually abused by her childhood Judo Coach. Now she could probably beat the crap out of him.
24: Lopez Lomong (USA), a real “Lost Boy”- Ok, so he didn't medal, but he probably had one of the hardest upbringings of anyone. Born in Southern Sudan, he was abducted and kidnapped from his parents at age 6, forced to join the rebel militia, and almost died in captivity. Several years later he moved to the US. He ended up 10th in the 5000m final.
23: When the Olympics lost its Integrity- This is the most attention badminton has ever received and I have a feeling that they would've rather stayed out of the spotlight. 8 players, four women’s doubles teams, were disqualified due to blatantly tanking matches in Pool Play in order to be seeded against easier competition. Teams disqualified: two from South Korea, one from China, and one from Indonesia.
22-Holy Track and Field, Caribbean: The Islands of el Caribe continue their streak of dominating track and field competitions- Sorry US, you put up a valiant effort, especially the women, but at the pace they're going these small islands will eventually sweep every T&F event.
Mean’s 400 Meter Hurdles-
Gold Medal-Felix Sanchez- Dominican Republic, Bronze Medal-Javier Culson Puerto Rico
21- Great Britain + Horses = Medals- This country still has a monarchy so of course they fancy their horses as these majestic creatures used to be a sign of prestige. They dominated Equestrian and medaled in most events. You know what? They can have equestrian.
Team Jumping
Gold
Team Dressage
Gold
Individual Dressage
Gold-Charlotte Dujardin, Bronze- Laura Bechtolsheimer
Team Equestrian- Silver
20: Jonas Reckermann/Julius Brink (GERMANY) proved that Europeans Enjoy Volleyball Too: This German squad became the first Europeans to ever win Gold in beach volleyball. For a sport that exists in the sun, though, they're very pale.
19. Aly Raisman (USA): The Legend of the Jewish Gymnast- It's hard to believe that she's the first American woman to ever win Gold in the floor exercise. I mean did you see her first tumble? It was fucking brilliant. I have also never seen a crowd so pumped up listening to Hava Nagila. She also won a controversial Bronze on the Balance Beam and a Gold for Team All-around. Boom.
18. China Proves it’s Elite- Ok, so the Chinese Olympic program decided a few years back that they would begin a race for Olympic Glory. And it has proven effective. For the second straight summer Olympics, they appear to be US’s biggest rival. Let’s look at the statistics.
Year-Total Models-Power Rankings
1988-22 Medals - 11
1992-54 Medals - 4
1996-50 Medals - 4
2000-58 Medals - 3
2004-63 Medals - 2
2008-100 Medals - 1 (Most Golds and second in Total Medals)
2012-88 Medals - 2
17. Katie Taylor (IRELAND)- The Real Fighting Irish. Their economy is in shambles, their weather is usually terrible, but Katie Taylor winning gold in the lightweight boxing division finally gave them something to drink to in celebration, not depression.
16. Kim Rhodes (USA), the Most Underrated Olympic Athlete in US history- So maybe her sport doesn't exude athleticism, but it takes quick reflexes, and self-control, and unparalleled focus. Who is she? She's medaled in 5 Olympics, the first American to ever do so, which is 20 years of Olympic events. She took Gold in ‘96 in the double trap, Bronze in the same event in 2000, re-claimed gold in 2004 in that event, won Silver in Beijing in Skeet, then decimated the competition on her way to a Gold medal this year. Oh yea, and she's only 33. Her Olympic record numbers this year: 99/100 targets hit, 8 better than the silver medalist. Boom.
15. North Korea vs. South Korea: The Battle Continues- Someone screwed up royally and introduced the North Korean team next to the South Korean flag before a women's soccer game. Needless to say, these neighboring countries despise each other (remember, they had that whole war against each other, as shown on MASH) and the North Korean team stormed off the field and refused to play until this mistake was fixed. They delayed the match over an hour. I can safely say that these flags looking nothing alike.
14. Missy Franklin (USA): Will the New Michael Phelps, Please Stand Up- Missy Franklin has not started college yet, but the 17 year-old left London with four golds and 1 bronze. She also set two new world records in the process. She's currently experiencing the same meteoric rise as Channing Tatum.
13.Women of Saudi Arabia: Making Strides-
A) Sarah Attar
Although she finished way behind the competition, Sarah overcame the odds since she was coming from a country where woman’s rights are as lacking as British basketball skills. This is what the Olympics is all about.
B)Wojdan Ali Seraj Abdulrahim Shahrkhani (Saudi Arabia)-
Wojdan not only has an extremely long name but is one of only two women from Saudi Arabia to compete in the Olympics. She was almost disqualified before she had an opportunity to compete since the Judo federation was trying to ban her from competition due to her hijab, which they thought to be unsafe. I thought the Olympic Committee handled this superbly by ensuring that she would be able to compete with a modified version deemed appropriate but the Judo Federation and the Saudi Olympic Committee. They were probably afraid she would find them and beat them up. I know I would be.
12: Mo Farah (Great Britain) Brings the House Down-The loudest reaction in these Olympic games were for Mo Farah, 10k runner from the host country, winning Gold. It was deafening to watch on TV so I can’t imagine what it was like in person. For some reason a country that likes long, dry humor loves and excels at a sport that entails long, boring running.
11. Manteo Mitchell (USA): Gold in the Tough Man Competition- Walking with a sprained ankle is hard, but how about sprinting with a broken fibula in the biggest stage against the best athletes in the world? That shit is crazy. Without a doubt he was the toughest man in the Olympics.
10. Nur Suryani Mohamed Taibi (MALAYSIA)- Is shooting a rifle bad for a child’s ears? How about if the child is in a womb? Nur Suryani is one of only 2 Olympic athletes to ever compete while prego. Not only was she pregnant, she was over 8 months pregnant. Yea, training must have blown.
8-9. Who are the US Olympics Golden Girls?-Let’s take a look at the heated competition shall we? Caveat: I discuss May-Treanor and Walsh below, so they are out of the discussion. Plus, since I’m the author, I’m invoking “team” to represent more than two individuals. So for now, here are the competitors: the US Women’s Soccer Redeem Team vs. the Fab Five Gymnasts.
a)The US Women’s Soccer team, usually the best in the world, was considered this year’s redeem team as they finally beat the team who ended their reign in the World Cup. They secured a victory over Japan to win the Gold and that was not even their most impressive match. One of the top games of the entire Olympics in any sport was in the semifinals when the US team came back to beat a relentless Canadian team.
b)The Fab Five- These young gymnasts came out and dominated the team competition by winning the gold handily. Not only did the US dominate the team event, but Gabby Douglas won Gold in the all-around, McKayla Maroney winning Silver on Vault, and Aly Raisman won a Bronze in the Balance beam and a Gold in floor. It took five of them to dominate these games as it took 7 to do so in ’96. Even the legend himself, Bela Karolyi, who coached the “Magnificent 7” and who is now still close with US Gymnastic Association, stated that this year’s squad is better the famous team from ’96.
7. Misty May-Treanor and Kerri Walsh Jennings (USA): Untouchable- So not only are they the most dominating volleyball team in the sport’s history, they might actually be the most dominating team in Olympic sports history. The emotional squad won 42 of 43 sets en route to winning their third straight gold medal. It’s a shame they won’t go for a four-peat as May-Treanor is retiring. Actually, this might be the first time saying this in a positive light, but hopefully she'll pull a Favre.
6. Andy Murray (Great Britain) is the Hometown Hero- Good for Andy Murray as I feel, at his peak, he has simply been a bridesmaid to the likes of Nadal, Federer, and Djokovich. Not only did he overachieve and win the Gold over the legend Roger Federer, but he's seemed to overachieve in his love life. During every break, they should show his girlfriend instead of going to commercials. They can be the Posh-Beckham of tennis, although he might need to change that mug.
5. Olympic Coverage, I loathe you:This might have been not only the worst Olympic coverage I have ever seen, but possibly the worst coverage in sports history. Between commercial breaks that caused you to miss valuable points to the switching events mid-game, it was hard to keep track of what the hell you were even following. There were so many commercials that I felt as if they were the main events and the Olympic Games were the advertisements. NBC, you have some serious work to do if you ever want to televise athletics again.
4. Oscar Pistorius (SOUTH AFRICA), A true Cinderella Story-What an unreal show of overcoming adversity and if it wasn't for the fact that Usain Bolt proved he's the greatest sprinter of all-time and Phelps is the greatest Olympian, then this would be ranked higher. How fucking epic was it to watch the first double amputee compete in track and field at the Olympics? Sure, South Africa did not receive a Gold in the 4x400-meter relay, but goddamn did they prove something, as did “Blade Runner”.
3- Usain Bolt (Jamaica): Lightning in Human Form- I mean, how can a human be so fucking fast? It’s absurd and personally I would rather be considered the fastest person in the world than the faster swimmer. The Flash is better than Aquaman, no? Sorry Phelps. No one has ever been so dominant in the 100, 200, and 400 meter events; he makes running look extremely easy and just breaks records. Let’s add to his greatness that he has one hell of a personality and I foresee even more endorsement deals if anyone can catch up to him. Ryan Lochte should follow Bolt around so he can learn what charisma actually means.
2- Michael Phelps (USA) is an Olympic God-Growing up as a member of Meadowbrook swim club (home to the NBAC), I would spot him walking around the place as if he owned it. Now, he does. By not only beating the all-time medal record, but destroying it, he proved that he's worthy to be called the greatest Olympian of all-time. 22 medals, 18 of which are gold, goes to show that without question he is the greatest Olympian ever. He also probably broke the record for having the most water to end up in those dumbo sized ears than anyone else in swimming history so good for him.
1- US Medal Count
So once again the US flexes its muscles, winning the most medals of any country and regaining its spot at the top of the power rankings. While they won the most medals in the 2008 Beijing Olympics, the Chinese decimated the competition in the total Gold. While Olympic broadcasting usually revolves around personal stories of individual feats and persevering through adversity, the main theme can easily be forgotten. It’s the only sporting event that truly encompasses the world competing against one another. Except for war, that is.
