NFC-The Conference where no one knows how to play defense

(Continued from the AFC write-up, here )

NFC-Defensively Offensive




NFC Stats

- 7 of the top 10 offenses in the NFL is in the NFC (Saints, Falcons, Lions, Packers, and Giants are all in the playoffs)

- There is only 1 top ten defense in the NFC playoffs (49’s)

- This year, Drew Brees owns the single season passing yards record set by Dan Marino in 1984

- This year, Aaron Rodgers broke the record for highest QB rating in a season (122.5)



1. New Orleans Saints

This offense can overtake even the best of defenses. With the most powerful passing game in NFL history thanks to Cold Brees, their offense can literally not be stopped. With the Jimmy “I don’t know what race I am” Graham having a breakout year, the smallest man on the field at all times Darren Sproles, and Marquis Colston at his disposal, I do not foresee this offense being shut down by anyone ever. This has to be the greatest show in turf even if there were a bunch of Victoria Secret models going at it in the middle of the Edward Jones Dome. That’s good news, because their defense simply blows donkey dick. While they have tightened things over the last few weeks, the only chance their defense has of stopping anyone is if the entire opposing offense has a stroke.

2. Green Bay Packers

While Aaron Rodgers did not get the most yards or touchdowns, he was one of the most efficient QB’s in NFL history posting a 45-6 TD-Intercept ratio. He also apparently moonlights on episodes of the office as the temp. Watching him matriculate down the field was like watching Lindsey Lohan do a line of blow, quick, efficient, and a true professional. Their defense, while not to the same level as last year's has Clay Matthews, aka Lattimore. Does he remind anyone else of He-man? Don’t need to go too in-depth with them because they went 15-1. We get it. They’re fucking good.


3. Detroit Lions

Motor city finally has something to be thankful for. He comes in a 6’5” 236 lb package. He also has the sickest nickname in the game. Calvin Johnson, better known to sports aficionados as Megatron, has decimated all corners this year while amassing a staggering 1681 receiving yards and 16 TD’s. Again, like all top teams in the NFC, they have a great offense with underrated QB in Stafford. Because of all of the banter circling Brees, Brady, and Rodgers, Stafford quietly threw for over 5000 yards (seriously). That said, their defense has some holes in the secondary, but they have one man who shrivels the heart of the opposing offense. He might be called the dirtiest player in the league after smashing a lineman’s head into the ground then stomping his arm, but Namdnmhjfhwekgfk Suh, strikes the fear of god in even the bravest men. He has the ability to be a game changer as long as him changing a game does not involve him getting ejected.

4. San Francisco 49’s

This league needs 30 other Harbaugh brothers. Can anyone see the comparison between this team and Major League? The only difference is that the 49’s are no joke. They placed a wily coach with brass balls to lead a team of players that no one else wanted. Frank Gore is great but always hurt. Alex Smith had never lived up to the hype. Vernon Davis and Crabtree were basically worthless in the system they had in place. Their defense has been good especially with the heir to Ray Lewis’s throne Patrick Willis, but they had a pussy mentality that used to cause giant breakdowns. This year, they have allowed the third fewest rushing TD’s in NFL history, 3. Keep an eye out for Dashon Goldson. He is the last man I want to run into in a dark alley.

5. New York Giants

It’s finally acceptable to put Eli in the elite category. This Pro Bowler had a great year and was able to lead his team to the playoffs. Granted, the NFC East was overhyped this year, as usual, but a division win is a division win. Victor Cruz is the next receiver for the G-men to make a name for himself. He is going to be cha-cha’ing all over the Falcons, but will have time to hit the salsa bars after the Wildcard game. Sorry, but 1 and done for the big blue. They will certainly lose the Divisional round. Their front core with JPP, Osi, Boley, and Tuck could be the crew that puts enough pressure to upset one of the big dogs, but as good as Eli has played, he will not be able to overcome their shitty secondary. Does Chris Canty’s facemask remind anyone else of Shredder’s helmet?

6. Atlanta Falcons

Matty Ice has lead his team to the dance once again, although this year he will have to do it as wildcard underdog instead of the #1 seed. Matty Ice has received a lot of accolades, but he has not succeeded in the Postseason. Is this the year he takes down the oppressors and makes it to the final showdown or another year where his nickname officially changes to Natty Ice because he's crap? The Falcons have two young stud receivers, Rowdy Roddy White and Julio Jones for 2252 yd and 16 TD’s and Michael Turner rushed for over 1300 yards. Like most of the teams in the NFC playoffs, besides the 49’s, their weak point will be their defense. Plus they are not playing within the confines of their own home, which has been very good to them. Good luck Hotlanta. At least you made it.

- Kyle

On the defense-AFC playoff preview

The teams are set and the players are ready to embark on an epic journey. The lockout is in the distant past. The battles of the elite start Saturday in order to embed their names in Sports forever. It’s what the season has lead up to, the excruciating two-a-days, the sore muscles, lacerations, tears, sweat, and pain. While the NBA and MLB seasons are longer, there is no question as to which league is more grueling. I would rather take a longer season then having to go against a 325 pound specimen who, with every hit, depreciates your manhood




Today is the AFC preview and tomorrow is the NFC preview



AFC Key stats:



-The top three defenses in the NFL are in AFC and all currently in the playoffs (Steelers, Texans, Ravens)

-4 of the top ten defenses in the NFL are in the AFC North (The only team that did not make the playoffs is Browns)

-Only 1 team in the top 5 offenses in the entire NFL is in the AFC (New England Patriots-number 1 seed)

-Tim Tebow averaged 10.5 completions/game





1. Baltimore Ravens- While the biggest question mark is how affective will Flacco be under the gun, he has proven in the past that, when called upon, he can lead the charge. He lead monumental comebacks against the Steelers and a historic comeback against the Cardinals, as they were down by 21 points. When called upon, he has the ability to take it to the next level, but ability does not always equal performance. Maybe while growing out the fu Manchu, he should let the unibrow go as well. That unibrow could be his version of Samson’s hair. They still have the most passionate defense in game lead by the game wreckers t-Sizzle, Ngata, Ray, and Reed. But another question will be can Mr. Lewis and the ball-hawker sustain a high level of Ball So Hard U? No one is going to question Ray Ray because, well, he will murder you.



2. New England Patriots - With pretty boy Brady at the helm, they are always in it, but they have had to overcome some shitty first-half performances. They have a defense that's as strong as Gary Busey is sane. No team has won a Superbowl with a defense ranked as low as theirs (31st). That said, do not forget about the smartest game planner in the NFL in Belichik. With his pawns in place: the Nephew of God Tom Brady, the porn star banging monster in Gronk, and his Minnie Me accomplice in Wes Welker, they can outduel any team in the game. This is like Ivan Drago standing next to Rocky Balboa. Awkward



3. Pittsburgh Steelers - They still have one of the top teams in the AFC, but they are limping to the finish line. At this point, they look like William Wallace. They are still pushing even though they're too injured to survive. The heart and soul of their team, Big Ben, will be playing the rest of a playoffs with a fucked up ankle and possibly some STD (He loves raping strange). That said, even at 20% the toughest player in the NFL can still pull off the unexpected. They will be without Mendenhall who will be out for the rest of the playoffs with a torn ACL, their Safety Ryan Clark who has a sickle-cell trait that's negatively affected by high altitudes (yea, I’m serious), and they might be without one of their lineman in Doug Legursky. Their offense has played like mud dipped in shit and their o-line is mediocre at best, but their defense (#1 in the NFL) is still looking strong and since they'll be 22 mil over the salary cap next year, they might lose key players in the off season and play this tournament like it’s their last. Luckily, they are playing against the worse team in the playoffs, the Denver Tebows.



4. Cincinnati Bengals- The biggest surprise of the NFL was able to get enough wins in the toughest division in football to get a seat at the table. If Cam Newton did not exist, Andy Dalton would receive rookie of the year. This ginger, whose hair matches their team color, will be a pain in the ass for the Ravens and Steelers for years. With what was arguably the most explosive receiving core in the league, Rookie pro-bowler AJ Green and the flipping Jerome Simpson, and veteran Cedric Benson running the ball, they have a chance, but it really is their defense that has allowed them to win games. Either way, they have a good shot at beating the spiraling Texans.



5. The Texans - have done what they were supposed to do over the last few years. They made it to the damn playoffs and while their Coach Gary Kubiak looks like a porn producer, his team has won with a plethora of huge injuries. One of the top three receivers in the game Andrew Johnson, aka Man Child, has been fighting injuries all season and has had his worst season yet. They lost their pro-bowl and best defensive player in Mario Williams early in the season. Most importantly, they lost not only a quality starter in Matt Schaub, but also the back-up in Mr. Hollywood Matt Leinart to season ending injuries. Remember when he was bff with Nick Lachey while attending USC? They have rookie T.J. Yates trying to pick off the big boys. Good luck with that. The upside is that they have Andrew Johnson playing this week, a solid TE in Owen Daniels, and the best running tandems in the game between the league leader last year Arian Foster and his back-up Ben Tate. Even without Mario Williams, they had the number two defenses in the game. This game will be close.


6. Denver Broncos - They're the bottom dwellers in not only the AFC, but all of the playoffs. They have essentially backed their way into the playoffs behind one of the worst offensive performances of the year in probably the ugliest game of the year. They lost this last weekend 3-7. Who does that? Also, even though there are still Tebow lovers, the man didn't beat a single playoff team during that run of his. In fact, he only played two teams that made it to the dance and lost by a combined score of 86-33. Granted their defense was bent over and taking in the ass those two games, he should get ejected for all of the losses that he is not FULLY responsible for since he gets credit for wins that he had nothing to do with. Tebow is a decent runner and with him and McGahee, they have a solid run game, but any time they are 3rd and long, look out for the punting unit or the best placekicker this season Matt Prater. One and done. Also, for being a man of God, Tebow is apparently ok with changing what the big guy gave you....



- Kyle

(Rundown of the NFC here)

Comedy Cancellation: Because They're Just Not Funny Enough for Nobody to Watch

HBO cut its current 3 still-on-air, longest-running comedies but decided to renew its new coming-of-middle-age comedy ENLIGHTENED. HUNG and BORED TO DEATH are being canned after 3 seasons, HOW TO MAKE IT IN AMERICA after 2 and with Larry David, as always, wondering whether he REALLY wants to do another season of CURB, its longest-running comedy still on the air is EASTBOUND AND DOWN.

ENLIGHTENED, the recent survivor didn’t get great ratings but HBO is legendary for assigning no value to ratings. In fact, their gauge is whether you can find a show like it being done anywhere else / is it unique enough to draw acclaim and attention from the people who matter. TREME hasn’t done great numbers (nor did THE WIRE, before it, though it is considered by many to be arguably the best television series of all time) but the unique blend of down-home Cajun charm, blasting musical numbers and deep, emotional characters ensure it will continue, regardless of such insignificant details as “What’s the plot of the show?”  Also, it helps that ENLIGHTENED just garnered two Golden Globe nominations.

Still, how do you run a network without ratings? CW does something similar where the high concentration of viewers in high-consumer teen demos is more important than the often worst-in-their-time-slot ratings. But what does this mean for an artistic medium that originally started as little more than a means to get people’s attention long enough to throw ads at them?

What HBO has been doing for years, and which has been adopted by all the other premium cablers as well as a few basic cable networks (AMC most notably), is creating a new paradigm for TV heads as more and more viewers fast forward past valuable commercial time (which is why networks have been struggling to reach their quotas with the exception of during live sports, the only programming people watch in real time anymore, as evidenced by the $4Mdollar sale of a 60-second Super Bowl ad this week).  Create a show that gets massive attention by A-adopters, a sort of “intelligentsia” hit but these are the people who will watch a show religiously, will purchase merchandise and box sets, and will waste time writing about the show to other geeks, blogosphere fodder for the high-minded lowlifes of America’s couch critics. These are the people who will also get excited about a movie based on a TV show. And their lower viewership is made up by their greater affection and their influence on B-adopters who then influence the mainstream, making people who don’t “get” a show like MADMEN start watching if only to fit in with the people they emulate.

But what happened and why did they ditch HUNG, BORED TO DEATH, and HOW TO MAKE IT IN AMERICA?

Here are a few theories backed up by nothing but personal conjecture:

HUNG: Everybody loved HUNG at first because it was a reflection of the times – an All-American family man in the All-American city of Detroit who ends up a homeless loser because of the recession while the asshole next door keeps getting richer. Even more, he becomes a man-whore because of his monstrous trunk, if that’s not a valid Man’s Ambition I don’t know what is. Then MTV launched a similar show about a high school loser named RJ Berger with a large Johnson, pointing out the silliness inherent in said idea. Then people decided they were tired of hearing how bad some people had it; they were ready to hear about the good life again. Especially when the man in question had something that even richest of men envy. Maybe the appeal of a man-whore wasn’t strong enough for a viewing public as women don’t want to admit ever paying for sex (have you seen the women in GIGOLOS? No lady wants to be that) and men just don’t want to watch some dude getting paid good money to bed beautiful women complain about how tough he has it. I know after a few episodes it just felt tedious. Then my mother-in-law told us she liked it, conjuring images of her and my stepfather-in-law enjoying the comic sex and cock-talk and, well, that just got to be too much for our youthful, child-like minds.

BORED TO DEATH: Just like its title, unfortunately. Listen, I love Zack Galifianakis, Ted Danson’s been my hero since 2^nd grade and I have nothing bad to say about Jason Schwartzman. Jonathan Ames wrote a few funny columns for Playboy and I always support novelists as they figure out new and unusual ways to diversify their paltry scribe-earnings. Still, the muted self-loathing tongue-in-cheek humor only seems to work for Wes Anderson (and even then, how many people REALLY liked DARJEELING LIMITED?) Most of the situations were easily-escapable, leaving weak plots and when that happens, along with somewhat stale and predictable writing, even the combination of talent couldn’t keep me interested. I imagine HBO just realized it wasn’t really going anyhere. Even more, the stoner-humor thing has kinda come and gone.  With marijuana all-but-legalized in several states and more easily accessible than prescription drugs in every other (and that’s saying a lot with the widespread trend of prescription drug abuse) weed has lost its intoxicating effect. What’s funny? Cocaine (see EASTBOUND ANDDOWN).

HOW TO MAKE IT IN AMERICA: The problem with this show is they’re trying to garner the hipster self-emulation vote (how many straight men outside the hipster community do YOU know who are giving their all towards their dream of making designer jeans and t-shirts?) without realizing that hipsters would never want to be seen hustling like that.  Even more, that hipsters don’t want to identify with anything so mainstream as an HBO show about them, that the key to hipsterdom is hating anything when it becomes too popular? Even more, these kids are full of shit, fully and eternally. It’s this NYC thing trying to pull a fast one on everybody, sexy high society yacht parties and Gina Gershon and the art world and it’s all so 2010. And even in 2010 these kids just got on my nerves. For some reason, I found myself hoping they failed. Maybe it was my personal experience with various hustlers in NYC in real life that showed me the ugly truth, that these kids were, in the end, two more idiot douche-bag bullshitters who think they’re entitled to the high life because they grew up with the cool society kids. Yeahhh…

Bummer because Luis Guzman is golden.

Of course perhaps none of these are the actual reasons why these shows were cancelled. Maybe it was because HBO realized it no longer had a female-driven TV show and for a network essentially built around a Girl-power Weekly Comedy (SEX IN THE CITY), that’s unacceptable. Showtime has dominated the female-driven market for the last few years (WEEDS, NURSE JACKIE, recently-cancelled UNITEDSTATES OF TARA) and HBO has had . . .? They have their new SOPRANOS in BOARDWALK EMPIRE. Now they need their new SEX IN THE CITY. While I doubt very much that ENLIGHTENED will have the legs those other funny girls had, they have to start somewhere. And who knows, maybe I just need to open my mind to the possibilities. Isn’t that what enlightenment’s really all about?

Oh yeah, and happy New Year.

- Ryan

Man's Ambitions in 2011 - A recap, pt. 2

(Continued from here)

GOV’T SHUTDOWN? – We’re threatened with a government shutdown when Obama, on July 7, refuses to accept the Republican proposal for criteria for raising the debt ceiling. Just another example of the pathetic bickering that has come to expose modern American politics as a gang of 5-year-olds whining over who gets the larger end of a growing-filthier-by-the-minute sandbox.

NEWSIES – In July a story broke about News of the World, a News Corp. division, having hacked into and surveilled phones of September 11 victims and family members. A heavy right wing superpower caught red-handed illegally spying on people for the alleged good of citizenry? The heck you say.

NO MORE SHUTTLES FOR ROCKET MAN – Also in July, the last shuttle to ever be deployed in the US Space Shuttle program takes off for more esoteric study of how household products hold up in outer space.

THE MAGIC ENDS – The 8th and final Harry Potter movie, THE DEATHLY HALLOWS, PT. 2, bowed on July 7^th in the U.S. to be the top movie of the year. It also finally solidified the Harry Potter movies as the top grossing franchise of all time, even over JAMES BOND and STAR WARS. Compound that with an all-time top-selling book franchise and this is the final public bowing of an entity involved with the top all-time multi-media entertainment property. That is, of course until they remake the movies in 30 years with Daniel Radcliffe as Dumbledore.

AMERICA, THE LAND OF DEBT: Amidst a global financial crisis, on August 6^th or 7^th, America’s credit rating, due to our country’s ever-increasing trillion-dollar debt (and I thought the $10 grand I have on my credit card was bad) and epicly poor economic practices all around, was downgraded to AA+ from AAA. Oh, and the market took a violent plunge. Start practicing Chinese, folks.

FOOTBALL, THE AMERICAN PASTIME: Showing they understand and embrace their new role as American athletic frontrunner (as well as TV titan), in August the NFL players and owners ratified a new collective bargaining agreement, leaving us with a shortened practice time but a full-regulation season. Go Ravens.

MAN’S AMBITION – was launched in August. Yes, this blog you’re reading. Technically it’s a part of relevant history, right?

PRETTY-BOY FLOYD – Floyd Mayweather Jr. in September defeated Ortiz with a questionable combo in a TKO. His shit-talking continued, as did his flamboyant, cocky, gotta hate this asshole behavior. Still, he’s not man enough to face Pacqiao.

RESTROOMS OCCUPIED: On September 17, in New York’s Zucotti park a couple angry unemployed citizens gathered together to protest economic policies that have managed to pad the pockets of the top 1% while the other 99% (general numbers with seemingly no real meaning) struggles to keep their homes and feed their families. A movement without politicization, organization, or central leadership, it also did what nobody has done since the 60’s – given a voice to the marginalized of America. On the upside, it’s showing perhaps America is motivated to finally be passionate about something again other than whining about paying taxes for programs from which they benefit (Tea Partiers – read: hypocrites). It’s also exposed the current shadow police force of this country for what they are as cops are finally forced to club dissenters into obedience all up and down the California coast. On the downside, as of now that Occupy voice would win the “Talks most, says least” award in the high school yearbook.

MAD FAMILY – MAD MEN and MODERN FAMILY won best Drama and Comedy series Emmys, respectively. Kyle Chandler won best drama actor for FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS (the best show that nobody watches) and Jim Parsons won best actor for his uber-geek on BIG BANG THEORY.

GADDAFI –CK OUTTAHERE – Libya’s brutal dictator, Muammar Gaddafi, was killed on October 19^th, 2011, ending 42 years of hell for a country only recently given to open rebellion and protest. Hunter S. Thompson wrote in the 80’s that, if Reagan can’t get Gaddafi out now get ready for decades of corrupt regime rule. He also pointed out George Bush Sr.’s arming of the Contra rebels as well as many other current enemies of state and how election of the Bush family would only lead to more U.S. corruption and lying but nobody listened and here we are, still paying for our deaf ears. HST, God Rest in Peace.

MEET ME IN ST. LOUIS – On October 28^th the St. Louis Cardinals in game 7 of the World Series. Tony LaRussa announced his retirement from being manager, after 33 seasons and after having become only the 9^th manager in MLB history to win 3 or more championships. It was the lowest-viewed World Series in history (with a slight uptick for game 7, though). Translation: baseball has no place in America’s fast-paced, jaded modern world. Sorry, Babe.

PASSING OF A VISIONARY – Steve Jobs, the man who redefined modern personal computing SEVERAL TIMES died of pancreatic cancer on October 5^th, 2011. In a hundred or two hundred years he’ll go down as our generation’s Edison, surely. As Obama said, it’s a testament to his impact that most people found out about his death on a product he invented. Now let’s give Apple 10 years before they plummet back into the obsolescence from which he plucked it (after, of course, founding and then being forced out of said fruit company).

EUROPEAN ALL OVER MY LEG – within 3 days of each other starting November 9^th, two prominent European Prime Ministers were forced to resign their posts. George Papandreou proved that perhaps a Socialist isn’t the best person to preside over a country racked by bad financial decisions and lacking any superlative exports, especially when his people are forced by the rest of the region to adopt austerity measures. Then Silvio Berlusconi, perhaps the most corrupt leader in the Western world (for fuck’s sake he was convicted of fixing the Italian Premier League in favor of the team he owns, Juventus and recently has been assailed by one sexual harassment case after the next, not to mention all his questionable business moves – it’s like Herman Cain mixed with Tom Delay and Arnold Rothstein to make a super-villain who somehow got elected to the White House), stepped down amidst claims from European union that his country’s debts could very well be big enough to destroy the Euro.

WHO’S RIGHT? With an underwhelming selection of Republican candidates going into Iowa (semi-retarded Bachman, two-faced Perry, red-faced hypocrite Gingrich, and Paul, who frightens the very party of which he’s a member), it doesn’t look like the GOP’s gonna be able to kick the black man out of the house. If only Cain hadn’t turned out to be such a pervert, right guys?

NBA PROTESTS – Feeling left out of the Occupy movement, NBA players refused to agree to the terms dictated by the powers that be. I understand. I too don’t think millions of dollars a year is enough for me to be paid to play a game by an executive team that gets nothing out of the deal but the satisfaction of signing my check (owning an NBA team is the least-profitable investment a rich man can make). Finally, on November 26^th they agreed to tentative terms with a shortened season starting on Christmas day. Good, I was worried about all those ballers since 65% of all basketballers are bankrupt or in serious financial trouble within 5 years of retiring.

ANGRY MAN OF THE YEAR – Time Magazine named its 2011 man of the year after the blanket “Protester”, eschewing frontrunner Steve Jobs. It makes sense. With protests, uprisings, and rebellions stretching from Egypt and Syria through literally every Arab nation, to Israel and Pakistan and into Greece and Italy, to American states from the disbanded unions in Wisconsin (are they still allowed to have Labor day?) to the Occupy movements in literally ever somewhat metropolitan city to south American college students, it’s a sign that the world is angry with the status quo. Finally, the melancholy paradigm of the 90’s and ‘00’s has given way to the NETWORK battle cry “I’m mad as hell and I can’t take it anymore.”

REST IN PEACE “Dear Leader, who is a perfect incarnation of the appearance that a leader should have” – Kim Jong Il, best portrayed in the movie TEAM AMERICA and by a female doppelganger in an episode of IT’S ALWAYS SUNNY, died on December 17^th, leaving a brainwashed country cut off from the rest of the world like a kidnappee without a kidnapper to keep the gates locked. No, wait, they do have a successor: His fat baby-huey-looking youngest son Kim Jung Eun, best known for obeying his crazy father’s every whim and torturing and killing little animals during his youth. Yes, this bodes well for everybody,  especially the Olympic committee for the 2018 Seoul games.

AND IT’S ALL FOR NAUGHT – Within hours of America’s December 18^th final pullout from Iraq, the country had fallen back into sectarian violence and violent governmental in-fighting. Hey, seriously guys, I thought it was a good idea. Really believed that we could bomb a country with a social dynamic more similar to Feudalist Europe than modern day America through a thousand years of the most radical artistic, intellectual, and governmental revolutions ever seen in the history of mankind. I give the country 6 months before it either fractures into 3 or falls back into dictatorship.

So here’s to 2012. If all continues, it’s time to put all your money into gold, sell your stock in Apple, and dust off your copy of Camus’ THE REBEL. Here’s to a year of more revolt, loathing, and, hopefully, finally some forward momentum towards a (slightly) more enlightened, masculine, prosperous, and humane world. God knows we might not survive another plunge like 2011.

Though it was quite a ride.

Oh yeah, and I promise, no more political talk (unless it's really, really necessary). Next up, Oscars, 2012. Taste the excitement. 

From Man's Ambition, signing off for 2011, this is Ryan Ariano.

Kyle's Lock-Street: NYE 2011/12 edition

This weekend entails the inevitable end to what was one hell of a year. 2011 consisted of not one, but two lockouts, the sex scandal plague, nonstop concussion banter, and a phenomenon better known as Tebow. What else can you ask for during the final day of this year then to win money. The locks are below.

Saturday

NCAA Football

2:00pm

Utah (+2) vs. Georgia Tech- Under Coach Kyle Whittingham, Utah has gone 6-1 in bowl games. They have a running back that has surpassed 1400 yards and a stout defense that has allowed less than 20 points per game. That said, I could see this game being won by a field goal since GT has the third best rushing attack in the game. No matter what, it should be a good one, and while GT would like to put a halt to their record of 0-6 in bowl games skid, they won’t do it this year

3:30pm

UCLA (+3) vs. Illinois- While UCLA is the first team ever to make a bowl game with a losing record, Illinois is the first team with six straight losses after 6 wins. This game is not going to be pretty or exciting, but between Franklin and Prince, Illinois will not be able to hold UCLA down. You can also look at statistical averages and notice that UCLA averages more passing yards, rushing yards, total yards, and points per game.


NBA

3:30pm
LA Lakers (-5.5) vs. Denver- Denver has done better than most had expected after the departure of Melo, but they are certainly now not a top tier team. Now while Lawson is a great player, Bryant and Gasol will make sure to stay in the driver seat. Bet big on the Lakers as they are starting to get the new system down under a new coach.
Sunday

NFL

1:00pm

Jets (+3)- vs. the Dolphins- There are a few things that are a given when it comes to Rex Ryan. First, he is an arrogant pric, who over hypes his team. Second, he was ridiculous statements every year. Third, he knows how to run a defense. Finally, he gets his teams to the dance. This game has playoff implications as they need to win then hope Ms. Lady Luck is on their side and Rex will not allow them to completely end their chances by their own hands.

4:15pm

Kansas City (+3) vs. Denver Broncos-The Tebowminites believed they would win every game with this mediocre QB at the helm, which has proven to be wrong. Kansas City is a little better than their record while the Boncos are worse than their record. Watch as Denver losses game and wish the Raiders the best of luck in the playoffs.

8:30pm

Giants vs. Cowboys (o 46.5)- This is the biggest game of the weekend. Whoever wins, wins the division while the other gets an early vacation. With Romo being given the green light to play and Eli playing at an elite level, I foresee a shitload of points scored.

Happy Betting in 2011 - Kyle Ariano

How to Make an NBA Loser

And please everyone rise for your Washington Wizards. The commentator presented this with such excitement that there was no choice but to feel that energy and devotion seep through you. This Monday, I went to the opening game for the Washington Wizards. This was the first opening NBA game I had ever attended and while I feel a draw to the Wizards, they are losers. I can’t ever foresee them not being losers unless they add 1 or two keys players who can keep a defense from engulfing Wall.

The Wizards, like most small teams, have their share of diehards, but do not have much support emotional or financially. While there is a salary cap in the NBA and NFL, compared to that of the MLB, why would a player want to go to a team that lacks the funds or interest to keep players happy besides a salary? There are a lot of reasons why a team is terrible. The most overarching reason is that one team has better players, but there are other factors that go into what makes a team a losing, the most prominent being, of course, its coach.

The players:

The NBA, like the NFL, adopted a salary cap in order to create parity in the league. There are certain small market teams that have looked decent over the last couple of years such as the Kansas City Thunder and the Memphis Grizzlies and while the Thunder are young and feisty, how long can they sustain before someone like Durant or Harding leaves to NYC, LA, or Boston?  While these teams consist of 1 star and several invaluable role players, there is a current trend in the NBA has led to what might inevitably be the destruction of parity in the NBA. Dallas Mavericks might be the last team to when a championship without the help of at least two superstars. The Knicks made a trade for Amare Stoudemire and Carmelo Anthony last year and the Celtics have their big three in Ray Allen, Paul Pierce, and Kevin Garnett. Then, last year, the Heat proved that this trend was not a fluke by teaming three all-stars in Wade, Bosh, and James in what is better known as “The Decision”. The reason why these players have decided to flock is because they believe that these organizations' top priority is to win a championship and they are willing to do what it takes to make it happen.

These large markets (NYC, Boston, and Miami) have the owners and the funds to woo top tier players into playing for their organization. By wining and dining them and showing these players what a true fan base is, they have been able to lasso these players into submission. These teams also know that in order to maintain their high financial prowess, they need to get all-stars on their roster. The NBA is the only game where 1 player has the ability to dynamically change the outcome of a game. Financially, owning a team is not a profit-generating investment. In fact, of the 30 teams in the NBA, only 8 teams actually made a profit. That leaves 22 wary owners afraid of losing too much money. Why worry financially if your team usually makes a profit or at least does not lose too much? Also, look at the locations of these teams. Miami and LA look more enticing than, say, Portland or Atlanta.

The MLB is a different situation. The small market teams need amazing farm systems to compete every year. The one team that defies all logic is the Tampa Bay Rays, whose star player called out the fans for being such ungrateful shitheads. They consistently compete in the strongest division in all of sports. The majority of the small market teams have their 10 minutes of fame then fade away to the deep dark recesses of failure. The reason for this simply is the lack of salary cap. How can a small market team in a city of a couple hundred thousand compete with cities of 9-12 million people, or even a team who represents an entire region (Boston)? A decent coach can only do so much in this league, but what has been proven is that the larger market teams will buy any all-star from the small market teams, leaving the MLB similar to a 99%/1% situation. Where are the occupiers when you need them?

The NFL has the most parity of all sports and this is because of the rules implemented. With a strictly regulated salary cap, a team can’t create a Dream Team, even if Vince Young disagrees. Getting these players is a little more complex than money. The NFL gets great players by understanding what makes a player great early on and having an organization that has the fan base to truly show appreciation, investing in the organization, not just players, and a great staff. I'm talking about GM’s, player personnel, and scouts. By paying extra, teams will be able to hire staff who can find great players who play well within their system. There is also the feeling amongst players that their team truly cares about them by investing in the proper facilities. Look at the Bengals or the Jaguars. Mediocre facilities at best and crap for staff.

Coaches:

While a Coach can be extremely important, a coach cannot when a championship without the players to do so, while the players can win without a decent coach. The Heat or the Yankees need a good coach, but really, they could win with a Psychologist who can keep their all-stars in line. The few exceptions currently in sports are Bill Belichick and Mike Krzyzewski. They are truly more important than their players. Coach K’s Duke Blue Devils always compete for a national championship with a team that consists of players who are not good enough for the NBA. With Bill Belichick, there are always teams that contain more pro bowlers, but few of these teams stay consistently on top of their division or conference. Why these teams win is their coaches utilize the players to the best of their abilities and alter their schemes in order to accommodate the players’ skill sets. A bad coach tries to make their players fit their team while a good coach does the opposite. This also keeps players happy, going back to my first point.

So while I enjoyed my Wizards game, I could only do so since I in no way cared if they won or lost. I am therefore not the kind of person their franchise wants to attract but there I was, observing the game like a wedding crasher during the nuptials. And until they address the above points the Wizards, like most other small-market teams, will have to settle for being a firehall wedding attended mostly by crashers looking for a quick meal and some fired-up dance music.

- Kyle

Man's Ambitions in 2011 -A recap, Part 1

As we close the books on 2011, it is with exhaustion and humility that we look back on what turned out to be yet another tumultuous year (and after we all vowed this would be better than 2010). 

In no way is this supposed to be an all-inconclusive list but here are a few random things that defined the last 12 months as we strive to make 2012 a little less of a clusterfuck than the currently-ending, brilliant year of our lord 2011:

WINNING: In January 2011 Charlie Sheen left the set of TWO AND A HALF MEN in this middle of the peak of his most winning moments, sending the season into hiatus. The next month his trash-talking to everybody from producer Chuck Lorre to Warners. They banned him from the lot and he returned by asking for a 50% raise on top of the $1.8 Million an episode he was already being paid. Sheen was dropped, Ashton took his place, and now good old Chuckie is apologizing to everybody, has lost his “goddesses” and his psychotic episode has been channeled into one basic cable celebrity roast. Hey, at least he’s doing better than MAJOR LEAGUE co-star Wesley Snipes, who spent 2011 behind bars for tax evasion.

RODGERS THE DOGER: On February 6, 2011 Aaron Rodgers and Greg Jennings came together to take down the Steelers, led by accused-rapist Big Ben Roethlisberger, in Super Bowl XLV. Not only did this bestow on Rodgers an honor that one-time Green Bay demi-god Brett Favre never received – Super Bowl MVP – but it set them up for a 2011 season in which not only have they only lost one game but also in which Aaron Rodgers has established himself as the best quarterback in the game right now.

CAIRO, CITY OF THE LIVING: In February, Hosni Mubarak, head of Egypt’s democratic-ish government for 2 decades, stepped down amid protests of his corrupt regime and following his vicious attacks on said protestors. This placed Egypt into a military-ruled police state which gave way to the currently unstable government of “what the fuck?” Protests are still going on and, most in-keeping with modern times the biggest weapon utilized by the protestors were their Facebook and Twitter pages, which kept the world and fellow protestors abreast of their ideals, travails, and beatings.

FIGHTING AND TALKING: The 83^rd Academy Awards were hosted by James Franco trying to pretend he’s cool, stoned, and aloof as well as Anne Hathaway trying (and failing) to hide how neurotic she is. Top winners were KING’S SPEECH for Best Picture, KING’S SPEECH director Tom Hooper for best director, Colin Firth for Best Actor for his role as Prince Albert in KING’S SPEECH, Natalie Portman for her role as split-personality/masturbating enthusiast Nina Sayles in BLACK SWAN, best supporting to Christian Bale for mind-blowing performance Dicky Eklund in THE FIGHTER and Melissa Leo as his screeching white trash mom. And KING’S SPEECH and SOCIAL NETWORK won the screenplay statues.

BIG IN JAPAN: On March 11 a 9.0 magnitude shook offshore of Japan, sending in a tsunami that pulverized the small-but-powerful island country. Nearly 15,000 people died, 10 times as many as perished when Hurricane Katrina washed through New Orleans. Nuclear towers cracked, radioactive juices flowing everywhere as the super-monorails and hip funky techno-structures of the noble country ground to a Kurosawan halt.

LEAKY DICKS: WikiLeaks released the Guantanamo files in April, outlining all the Geneva-Convention-Violating extremes taken by the U.S. in its Guantanamo prisons and beyond, pissing off our government even more at this border between accountability and disclosing of national secrets.

MIDDLE-EASTERN HELL: As of April protests/uprisings were happening in Libya, Bahrain, Syria, Yemen, Jordan, Oman, Saudi Arabia, and the Ivory Coast, mostly fueled by increased connectivity and a youth culture increasingly incensed at the corrupt leaders who’ve run their countries for years.

OBAMA DOES WHAT BUSH COULDN’T: April 29^th Obama oversaw the special forces mission that killed Osama Bin Laden, the terrorist who orchestrated the World Trade Center attacks whom Bush’s befuddled bastards couldn’t find, causing them to try and switch everybody’s attention to Iraq. Then he goes to the Correspondent dinner, Obama that is, and rips Donald Trump such a big tear in his asshole that the man all-but-quit politics that very day. Oh, and he showed his birth certificate. Big news for Obama all around.

ROYAL ASS: On April 29^th, Prince William marries Kate Middleton in a spectacle guaranteed to upstage even the most committed gypsy weddings. England erupts in crying and exultation of their beloved royalty and Kate’s sister, Pippa, shoots to the top of all men’s hot-girl lists due to her status as a royal-in-law, the ensuing wealth, and something which, just like royalty, only God can bestow upon humanity: a perfect ass.

FC FOOTBALL  CHAMPIONS: On May 28, also in London, Barcelona won the highest honor in Europe, the Champions League Final, led by Lionel Messi over British powerhouse Man U. This, Barcelona’s third such title in 6 years, also was heralded all over Spain as a celebration of the unification Catalan with the Castellanos.

BRUINS RUIN: The Bruins beat the Canucks in June, their first Stanley Cup championship since 1972. Massholes have yet another feather to put in their already-swollen awards caps.

MAVERICKS TAKE THE NAME BACK FROM PALIN: The Dallas Mavericks in June won their first ever NBA championship. Even better, it was over Lebron James who, after over-dramatizing his change of employer, choked with the Heat.

GREECE INVENTED DEMOCRACY AND HAS RESTED SINCE: The Greek financial crisis had been developing for about a year but came to a head in June, with Government officials resigning left and right amidst protests from citizens of the many budget cuts and unemployment thanks to the government’s 400 billion dollar debt, due in part because of their trust of American financial institutions (but also part and parcel with the country’s over-borrowing and weak in-country financial systems).

 (To be continued here)