NFC-The Conference where no one knows how to play defense

(Continued from the AFC write-up, here )

NFC-Defensively Offensive




NFC Stats

- 7 of the top 10 offenses in the NFL is in the NFC (Saints, Falcons, Lions, Packers, and Giants are all in the playoffs)

- There is only 1 top ten defense in the NFC playoffs (49’s)

- This year, Drew Brees owns the single season passing yards record set by Dan Marino in 1984

- This year, Aaron Rodgers broke the record for highest QB rating in a season (122.5)



1. New Orleans Saints

This offense can overtake even the best of defenses. With the most powerful passing game in NFL history thanks to Cold Brees, their offense can literally not be stopped. With the Jimmy “I don’t know what race I am” Graham having a breakout year, the smallest man on the field at all times Darren Sproles, and Marquis Colston at his disposal, I do not foresee this offense being shut down by anyone ever. This has to be the greatest show in turf even if there were a bunch of Victoria Secret models going at it in the middle of the Edward Jones Dome. That’s good news, because their defense simply blows donkey dick. While they have tightened things over the last few weeks, the only chance their defense has of stopping anyone is if the entire opposing offense has a stroke.

2. Green Bay Packers

While Aaron Rodgers did not get the most yards or touchdowns, he was one of the most efficient QB’s in NFL history posting a 45-6 TD-Intercept ratio. He also apparently moonlights on episodes of the office as the temp. Watching him matriculate down the field was like watching Lindsey Lohan do a line of blow, quick, efficient, and a true professional. Their defense, while not to the same level as last year's has Clay Matthews, aka Lattimore. Does he remind anyone else of He-man? Don’t need to go too in-depth with them because they went 15-1. We get it. They’re fucking good.


3. Detroit Lions

Motor city finally has something to be thankful for. He comes in a 6’5” 236 lb package. He also has the sickest nickname in the game. Calvin Johnson, better known to sports aficionados as Megatron, has decimated all corners this year while amassing a staggering 1681 receiving yards and 16 TD’s. Again, like all top teams in the NFC, they have a great offense with underrated QB in Stafford. Because of all of the banter circling Brees, Brady, and Rodgers, Stafford quietly threw for over 5000 yards (seriously). That said, their defense has some holes in the secondary, but they have one man who shrivels the heart of the opposing offense. He might be called the dirtiest player in the league after smashing a lineman’s head into the ground then stomping his arm, but Namdnmhjfhwekgfk Suh, strikes the fear of god in even the bravest men. He has the ability to be a game changer as long as him changing a game does not involve him getting ejected.

4. San Francisco 49’s

This league needs 30 other Harbaugh brothers. Can anyone see the comparison between this team and Major League? The only difference is that the 49’s are no joke. They placed a wily coach with brass balls to lead a team of players that no one else wanted. Frank Gore is great but always hurt. Alex Smith had never lived up to the hype. Vernon Davis and Crabtree were basically worthless in the system they had in place. Their defense has been good especially with the heir to Ray Lewis’s throne Patrick Willis, but they had a pussy mentality that used to cause giant breakdowns. This year, they have allowed the third fewest rushing TD’s in NFL history, 3. Keep an eye out for Dashon Goldson. He is the last man I want to run into in a dark alley.

5. New York Giants

It’s finally acceptable to put Eli in the elite category. This Pro Bowler had a great year and was able to lead his team to the playoffs. Granted, the NFC East was overhyped this year, as usual, but a division win is a division win. Victor Cruz is the next receiver for the G-men to make a name for himself. He is going to be cha-cha’ing all over the Falcons, but will have time to hit the salsa bars after the Wildcard game. Sorry, but 1 and done for the big blue. They will certainly lose the Divisional round. Their front core with JPP, Osi, Boley, and Tuck could be the crew that puts enough pressure to upset one of the big dogs, but as good as Eli has played, he will not be able to overcome their shitty secondary. Does Chris Canty’s facemask remind anyone else of Shredder’s helmet?

6. Atlanta Falcons

Matty Ice has lead his team to the dance once again, although this year he will have to do it as wildcard underdog instead of the #1 seed. Matty Ice has received a lot of accolades, but he has not succeeded in the Postseason. Is this the year he takes down the oppressors and makes it to the final showdown or another year where his nickname officially changes to Natty Ice because he's crap? The Falcons have two young stud receivers, Rowdy Roddy White and Julio Jones for 2252 yd and 16 TD’s and Michael Turner rushed for over 1300 yards. Like most of the teams in the NFC playoffs, besides the 49’s, their weak point will be their defense. Plus they are not playing within the confines of their own home, which has been very good to them. Good luck Hotlanta. At least you made it.

- Kyle