GOV’T SHUTDOWN? – We’re threatened with a government shutdown when Obama, on July 7, refuses to accept the Republican proposal for criteria for raising the debt ceiling. Just another example of the pathetic bickering that has come to expose modern American politics as a gang of 5-year-olds whining over who gets the larger end of a growing-filthier-by-the-minute sandbox.
NEWSIES – In July a story broke about News of the World, a News Corp. division, having hacked into and surveilled phones of September 11 victims and family members. A heavy right wing superpower caught red-handed illegally spying on people for the alleged good of citizenry? The heck you say.
NO MORE SHUTTLES FOR ROCKET MAN – Also in July, the last shuttle to ever be deployed in the US Space Shuttle program takes off for more esoteric study of how household products hold up in outer space.
THE MAGIC ENDS – The 8th and final Harry Potter movie, THE DEATHLY HALLOWS, PT. 2, bowed on July 7th in the U.S. to be the top movie of the year. It also finally solidified the Harry Potter movies as the top grossing franchise of all time, even over JAMES BOND and STAR WARS. Compound that with an all-time top-selling book franchise and this is the final public bowing of an entity involved with the top all-time multi-media entertainment property. That is, of course until they remake the movies in 30 years with Daniel Radcliffe as Dumbledore.
AMERICA, THE LAND OF DEBT: Amidst a global financial crisis, on August 6th or 7th, America’s credit rating, due to our country’s ever-increasing trillion-dollar debt (and I thought the $10 grand I have on my credit card was bad) and epicly poor economic practices all around, was downgraded to AA+ from AAA. Oh, and the market took a violent plunge. Start practicing Chinese, folks.
FOOTBALL, THE AMERICAN PASTIME: Showing they understand and embrace their new role as American athletic frontrunner (as well as TV titan), in August the NFL players and owners ratified a new collective bargaining agreement, leaving us with a shortened practice time but a full-regulation season. Go Ravens.
MAN’S AMBITION – was launched in August. Yes, this blog you’re reading. Technically it’s a part of relevant history, right?
PRETTY-BOY FLOYD – Floyd Mayweather Jr. in September defeated Ortiz with a questionable combo in a TKO. His shit-talking continued, as did his flamboyant, cocky, gotta hate this asshole behavior. Still, he’s not man enough to face Pacqiao.
RESTROOMS OCCUPIED: On September 17, in New York’s Zucotti park a couple angry unemployed citizens gathered together to protest economic policies that have managed to pad the pockets of the top 1% while the other 99% (general numbers with seemingly no real meaning) struggles to keep their homes and feed their families. A movement without politicization, organization, or central leadership, it also did what nobody has done since the 60’s – given a voice to the marginalized of America. On the upside, it’s showing perhaps America is motivated to finally be passionate about something again other than whining about paying taxes for programs from which they benefit (Tea Partiers – read: hypocrites). It’s also exposed the current shadow police force of this country for what they are as cops are finally forced to club dissenters into obedience all up and down the California coast. On the downside, as of now that Occupy voice would win the “Talks most, says least” award in the high school yearbook.
MAD FAMILY – MAD MEN and MODERN FAMILY won best Drama and Comedy series Emmys, respectively. Kyle Chandler won best drama actor for FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS (the best show that nobody watches) and Jim Parsons won best actor for his uber-geek on BIG BANG THEORY.
GADDAFI –CK OUTTAHERE – Libya’s brutal dictator, Muammar Gaddafi, was killed on October 19th, 2011, ending 42 years of hell for a country only recently given to open rebellion and protest. Hunter S. Thompson wrote in the 80’s that, if Reagan can’t get Gaddafi out now get ready for decades of corrupt regime rule. He also pointed out George Bush Sr.’s arming of the Contra rebels as well as many other current enemies of state and how election of the Bush family would only lead to more U.S. corruption and lying but nobody listened and here we are, still paying for our deaf ears. HST, God Rest in Peace.
MEET ME IN ST. LOUIS – On October 28th the St. Louis Cardinals in game 7 of the World Series. Tony LaRussa announced his retirement from being manager, after 33 seasons and after having become only the 9th manager in MLB history to win 3 or more championships. It was the lowest-viewed World Series in history (with a slight uptick for game 7, though). Translation: baseball has no place in America’s fast-paced, jaded modern world. Sorry, Babe.
PASSING OF A VISIONARY – Steve Jobs, the man who redefined modern personal computing SEVERAL TIMES died of pancreatic cancer on October 5th, 2011. In a hundred or two hundred years he’ll go down as our generation’s Edison, surely. As Obama said, it’s a testament to his impact that most people found out about his death on a product he invented. Now let’s give Apple 10 years before they plummet back into the obsolescence from which he plucked it (after, of course, founding and then being forced out of said fruit company).
EUROPEAN ALL OVER MY LEG – within 3 days of each other starting November 9th, two prominent European Prime Ministers were forced to resign their posts. George Papandreou proved that perhaps a Socialist isn’t the best person to preside over a country racked by bad financial decisions and lacking any superlative exports, especially when his people are forced by the rest of the region to adopt austerity measures. Then Silvio Berlusconi, perhaps the most corrupt leader in the Western world (for fuck’s sake he was convicted of fixing the Italian Premier League in favor of the team he owns, Juventus and recently has been assailed by one sexual harassment case after the next, not to mention all his questionable business moves – it’s like Herman Cain mixed with Tom Delay and Arnold Rothstein to make a super-villain who somehow got elected to the White House), stepped down amidst claims from European union that his country’s debts could very well be big enough to destroy the Euro.
WHO’S RIGHT? With an underwhelming selection of Republican candidates going into Iowa (semi-retarded Bachman, two-faced Perry, red-faced hypocrite Gingrich, and Paul, who frightens the very party of which he’s a member), it doesn’t look like the GOP’s gonna be able to kick the black man out of the house. If only Cain hadn’t turned out to be such a pervert, right guys?
NBA PROTESTS – Feeling left out of the Occupy movement, NBA players refused to agree to the terms dictated by the powers that be. I understand. I too don’t think millions of dollars a year is enough for me to be paid to play a game by an executive team that gets nothing out of the deal but the satisfaction of signing my check (owning an NBA team is the least-profitable investment a rich man can make). Finally, on November 26th they agreed to tentative terms with a shortened season starting on Christmas day. Good, I was worried about all those ballers since 65% of all basketballers are bankrupt or in serious financial trouble within 5 years of retiring.
ANGRY MAN OF THE YEAR – Time Magazine named its 2011 man of the year after the blanket “Protester”, eschewing frontrunner Steve Jobs. It makes sense. With protests, uprisings, and rebellions stretching from Egypt and Syria through literally every Arab nation, to Israel and Pakistan and into Greece and Italy, to American states from the disbanded unions in Wisconsin (are they still allowed to have Labor day?) to the Occupy movements in literally ever somewhat metropolitan city to south American college students, it’s a sign that the world is angry with the status quo. Finally, the melancholy paradigm of the 90’s and ‘00’s has given way to the NETWORK battle cry “I’m mad as hell and I can’t take it anymore.”
REST IN PEACE “Dear Leader, who is a perfect incarnation of the appearance that a leader should have” – Kim Jong Il, best portrayed in the movie TEAM AMERICA and by a female doppelganger in an episode of IT’S ALWAYS SUNNY, died on December 17th, leaving a brainwashed country cut off from the rest of the world like a kidnappee without a kidnapper to keep the gates locked. No, wait, they do have a successor: His fat baby-huey-looking youngest son Kim Jung Eun, best known for obeying his crazy father’s every whim and torturing and killing little animals during his youth. Yes, this bodes well for everybody, especially the Olympic committee for the 2018 Seoul games.
AND IT’S ALL FOR NAUGHT – Within hours of America’s December 18th final pullout from Iraq, the country had fallen back into sectarian violence and violent governmental in-fighting. Hey, seriously guys, I thought it was a good idea. Really believed that we could bomb a country with a social dynamic more similar to Feudalist Europe than modern day America through a thousand years of the most radical artistic, intellectual, and governmental revolutions ever seen in the history of mankind. I give the country 6 months before it either fractures into 3 or falls back into dictatorship.
So here’s to 2012. If all continues, it’s time to put all your money into gold, sell your stock in Apple, and dust off your copy of Camus’ THE REBEL. Here’s to a year of more revolt, loathing, and, hopefully, finally some forward momentum towards a (slightly) more enlightened, masculine, prosperous, and humane world. God knows we might not survive another plunge like 2011.
Though it was quite a ride.
Oh yeah, and I promise, no more political talk (unless it's really, really necessary). Next up, Oscars, 2012. Taste the excitement.
From Man's Ambition, signing off for 2011, this is Ryan Ariano.
No comments:
Post a Comment