When I first moved to Jackson Hole fall ’04 shit was dry. Other than a pre-Halloween dump the place was pretty much unrideable, especially in the lowlands. There’s nothing worse than mud season when you’re waiting like a hungry beast for winter and it just never seems to come. Hours spent trying to learn to rock climb or mountain bike when all you want is some snow underfoot. I remember watching some coverage of the war in Afghanistan with my roommates and seeing snow-covered foothills and all three of us rambling about how we should move to Afghanistan because they have more snow than Jackson.
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| Yes, this is Afghanistan |
You always think of Afghanistan as some other desert nation like Iraq or Iran but, unlike the troublesome twosome with the “Ir” prefix, it does, in fact, have snowy mountains. A good chunk of snowy mountains. So much snow, in fact, that a couple crazy Swiss and a few radical ski bums have organized an annual backcountry ski race, the Afghan Ski Challenge in Barniyan province, in the Koh-e Baba Mountains, just north of Kabul. In fact this race just went down last weekend. Mostly peopled by locals trained in the ancient art of shralping the gnar by Italian and Swiss guides, this is a contest open to skiers and snowboarders really looking to go somewhere nobody else goes. I mean, for fuck’s sake the first rule listed in the rule book is “No weapon” and the race has a disclaimer that’s longer than the rest of the thing in which, among other warnings, it suggests you hire personal security and get insurance. I once knew a rich guy who had insurance for his regular trips to his holdings in Rosarito. He hired a security force made up of ex-Navy SEALS who would come down and extract you if you got kidnapped by local thugs. But Afghanistan is much gnarlier than Mexico. In Mexico you have narcotraficantes who just want to make money. In Afghanistan you have terrorists who hate you simply because you are who you are. As well as the majority of the population, kindly (though cowardly when put against the armed terrorist groups) people who would be happy to have you. Just don't expect them to sacrifice the lives of their children for people calling for infidel blood.
What this all adds up to is the fact that this simple backcountry race is much more extreme than anything you’d find at the X-Games. Seriously, tired of Switzerland, Chamonix, the Dolomites? March in Austria too crowded, too much corn snow? Bored with this year’s weak US snowpack and already been to Whistler a few times? Try your hand skiing in Afghanistan. Dodge the Taliban (who are trying to be friends, by the way). Hope your charter plane doesn't crash and that you don't get a deathly case of giardia from drinking a little water. A bonus, on your way out you can buy an AK-47 and some good heroin from an Afghani Air Force pilot. God bless globalization. And god bless Afghanistan. Land of plenty.
- Ryan
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