There is an argument that can be made that this was one of the best first rounds ever in the history of March Madness. It was the first time that two 15 seeds won and the first time that three 13+ seeds won. There were huge upsets, a few close calls, and some great plays. Personally, it was the best first round I had ever experienced in my life because I was able to watch every game without the distraction of work. I had been discussing doing this for months and while everyone said that they would indeed be in, the only ones that had the brass balls to do so were myself and my roommate who will be better known for this article as Gamer. This will be a timeline of what occurred in honor of what I consider one of the top examples of sports journalism, Bill Simmons’ Vegas Basketball All-Star excursion. Here’s to remembering: what you want, you want:
8:20am- Panic mode sets in. Why didn’t anybody wake me up? I’m going to be fucking late. I jump up then, as soon as the fear sets in; then I finally realize that I'm actually off this Friday. There is no better feeling.
10:00am-After downing a quick piece of toast and some coffee I decide that it would only be proper if, before I tear my body down into toxic sludge, I go for a 5 mile run.
11:00am-Why the fuck am I still running? I blew up like Barkley circa 2000. Oh, great it’s raining and a homeless guy is running next to me, “You ga’ tis bbboooyy.” “Thanks.” In a matter of seconds he collapses into the mental world, filled with unintelligible rambling, of some mind altering substance.
After arriving home I shower, change, and get ready to stare at sports for hours while consuming harmful yet amazing substances. Besides myself and Gamer, we are pleasantly surprised by another companion that we shall call Costanza due to his demeanor’s similarity to the eponymous TV personality. Apparently, the night before he got hammered with another one of my roommates and crashed at our spot and instead of heading to home or work, decided to drink with us. That’s what we call a power move.
12:00pm-The three of us are the first to arrive at Stillwater, one of the finest and most underrated establishments in the East Village. I happen to have the pleasure of residing above this beer haunt and have little desire to venture anywhere else. We place our first bets of the day on Cincinnati -3.5. They have been a strong team, and self Proclaimed thug Yancy Gates proved, when he dropped Xavier’s Kenny Frease, that he was not to be fucked up.
We place our food orders, all fish in an attempt to be religious, which is rather ironic seeing as we are on a mission to get drunk, gamble on anything that we can, and eventually enjoy illegal substances.
12:30pm-The gaming begins as we huddle around Big BuckHunter- Bro day has commenced.
12:45pm- While watching our Cinci bet dominate and our NC State bet get started, we realize that having financial consequences on two games is simply not enough, so we start playing the addicting arcade game Golden Tee.
1:10pm- Our friend MT arrives in high spirits and is instantly thrown into the mix. The stakes in Golden Tee are high now with three worthy veterans. $10/hole? Why not?
1:30pm- The first injury of the day occurs and it has nothing to do with the basketball tournament. In the heat of the moment I under shoot the swing ball, leading to the minor fracture of my right ring finger. While in a lot of pain, I continue as a true competitive athlete would. While playing at 40 percent, my game goes from Tiger Woods circa early 2000’s to Tiger Woods now. Loss.
1:32: Gamer and I place our third bet of the day on Creighton (-1). Feeling enchanted with a sure win and an NC State squad dominating, we get a little bold and double our standard bets.
2:00pm-MT wins Golden Tee and with the win comes a furious tirade by Gamer as he is a man with an unhealthy desire to win every bar game ever invented. He pushes for a game of darts. At this point, a few random viewers have entered the pub and are instantly worried by the scene he is making. They head into the side room as if we had the plague.
At some point between 2 and 3, we find out that our keys do not work in our deadbolt leaving us homeless in a bar where the owners know our names. It could be worse. Nonetheless, we need to get in. MT decides to parkour the crap out of our apartment. He hops up on the dumpster, jumps up to the fire escape ladder, pulls himself up, and gets in through our window. It is a successful Nina Warrior enactment.
3:00pm-Creighton is looking a little soft by half so in order to get our unwarranted fears in check, we decide to take a shot..or few. At the same time, we are greeted by one of my boys from Maryland, a fellow Baltimoron, straight in from his current home, Jersey. He goes in on a bet that entails the over of the Florida State/ St Bonaventure game (129). He makes himself instantly at home by going with redbull vodkas.
After some catching up, a few drinks, and a shared Adderall, he is on his way gonzo. Randoms are starting to filter in and each individual has a look of confusion as to how, at a little after 3, there are already drunken individuals watching hoops while stumbling from bar game to game and causing a raucous. The owner is just laughing at us.
4:00pm-The rest of the working crew have arrived. It appears that while some companies do not get off for MLK or Presidents’ day, most companies have the foresight to let their workers leave early instead of making them pretend to be working when they are actually watching the games online. Also, why the fuck are they charging now to watch the games online? This is unfair to model Americans who derive their only daily pleasure from the opportunity to watch a high level sporting event at work.
4:10pm-I take my biggest risk of the day and bet the house on a spread, UNC -16. They are a solid team and feel like the best beat to defeat Anthony Davis and the Wildcats, but 16 points is a shit load.
By this point, our group of basketball hooligans has gone from 4 people at 1pm to 14 deep. It is at this point that the gambling frenzy breaks out and the focal point moves to strictly sports/hoops.
5:00pm-The alcohol has taken over a majority of my hand-to-eye coordination so I am rendered physically impaired and cannot compete anymore in the bar games. This mental deprecation usually causes issues with my foresight and thus I eventually make my final bet of the night which is on Notre Dame who plays at 10:15pm.
6:00pm-A few of us decide to head upstairs to my apartment. We range from buzzed to completely incoherent. Gamer is using a walking stick as a pointer when trying to make the argument that the Giants are the best team in the NFL this upcoming year. No one agrees with him and I take it from the lack of clarity of his eyes, that he is not exactly sure what he is saying. Either way, he is walking around with the Giant’s Superbowl ELITE T-shirt asking people to speak into it.
7:15pm-Everyone is financially invested in Duke, including Gamer who believes that they are untouchable against a team whose entire school could fit in one high school gymnasium. He lost all of his winnings. I on the other hand was the only one who waited too long to get his bet in. Luckily my subconscious steered me right.
8:00pm- The last one to arrive, and probably the most vital, the Dealer. Thank god. This is when things get weird.
The rest of the night entails watching the rest of the games including the upset heard around the world. The Dukies lose due to the brilliant play of McCollum. By 10pm, I have had entirely too much. My vision is blurred, the stuff I had done earlier starts to kick in, and the only thing I can do is crawl into a ball and pass out at the corner of my bed. It was a truly successful day.
Basketball Overview
Norfolk St. shot lights up to beat a highly touted Missouri Team. This has to be one of the biggest upsets in tourney history. Thank over 50% shooting on FG’s and 3 Pointers. Duke lost to the winners of the Patriot league, Lehigh. Duke ended in my opinion an inconsistent season, losing its second tournament opener in 16 years. Temple can’t buy a bucket and loses to South Florida in another big upset.
My bets:
Cinci-Win
NC State-Win
Creighton-Push
St. Bona vs. Florida State over- Push
UNC-Win
Notre Dame-Lose
- Kyle
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