Visions of London: Olympic Events You Know Nothing About, Week 5 (Hockey's take on the movie Lady Bugs Edition)

With the Stanley Cup in the hands of the lowest seed ever to be crowned NHL champions, I thought it would be ideal to bring into the limelight the sport of "hockey" for this week's Olympic sport review. Congrats to the LA Kings for winning Lord Stanley's cup with a fucking epic playoff run. Ok, so this is a different version of hockey, better known as "field hockey" and while in the US it's a girls-only sport, apparently the rest of the world takes men’s teams and the sport in general seriously.  Growing up, field hockey for females was equivalent to Football. It was their top fall sport.  

Now, from what I can tell, I feel like the men's game is the bizarro verison of the seminal Rodney Dangerfield/Jonathan Brandis movie Ladybugs. The 'males' are actually jacked females dressed in drag with male altering appearances. Insert a plastic Adam's apple and they're set.

Just in case you actually have any desire to learn more about this sport, the details are below. As you can see the US is in the female group but it appears to have missed out on the male portion. I guess the 10 men who play the sport in this country couldn’t fill a competitive team or decided to throw on skates and play ice hockey. You know what, though, if there are males out there who love playing this sport, more power to them. In fact, in the US the majority of males growing up playing field hockey compete in female leagues. I wonder if they get to change with the females in their locker room after the game? Might make me rethink my prejudices against it.

Going into the Olympics, the best two teams are Australia for the males and the Netherlands for the females respectably.

The 12 teams in each tournament have been divided into two pools of six based on world rankings, and each team will play every other team in their pool. The top two teams in each pool will qualify for the semi-finals, with the winners of those matches going head-to-head for the gold medal. The other teams in the two groups play each other to determine final placings. 

Women: Pool A

Netherlands
Great Britain
China
Korea
Japan
Belgium 

Women: Pool B

Argentina
Germany
New Zealand
Australia
United States of America
South Africa 

Men: Pool A

Australia
Great Britain
Spain
Pakistan
Argentina
South Africa 

Men: Pool B

Germany
Netherlands
South Korea
New Zealand
India
Belgium 

  Luciana Aymar- Argentina- Probably the second best player in the world, she is the most recognized. Towards the end of probably the greatest career in the sport, the 34 (about to turn 35) year old Luciana "Lucha" Aymar, also known as the Maradona of field hockey, has been elected  player of the year 7 times. She's won a medal in all three Olympics she's played in, but has never won the climactic gold.  Although dubbed the Maradona of field hockey, she is ACTUALLY a good looking human (unlike Senor Maradona). So what female hockey role stands out? Probably the best female hockey scene in any movie is when, still in her prime, Tara Reid shocks her suitor, Ryan Reynolds, by skating flawlessly and scores on his mediocre save attempt in Van Wilder. I can still picture the scene when after she scores, she skates to him and explains that both of her brothers play hockey for the Rangers in a sexy, sultry voice.  While this movie will forever be considered a classic college flick, Tara Reid's acting career has since been more of an embarrassment than Paris Hilton to old Conrad.

 Jamie Dwyer- Australia-This Aussie has won player of the year the last three years in a row (5 times total). He's one of the main reasons why Australia is the best team in the world. He already has one gold medal and is seeking another. He will most likely be admitted to the hall of fame (I'm assuming there is one, right?). Although he's not known to play ice hockey, probably the most recognized hero with a hockey stick has to be the one and only Casey Jones from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. No one can wield a hockey stick (I know ice hockey and field hockey are different) better than this man. With a 'bro' like personality, I bet Jamie and Casey would be close friends, known for sharin' a pint or 10. G'day, Casey.

- Kyle