Well it's done ladies and gentleman. What began with a tone-deaf Beatle (sorry Paul) has now ended with a slew of musicians I either never heard of or who stopped performing before I was old enough to walk. And all along we were reminded of the charm of Jolly Ol' England, from recitations of Shakespeare and Peter Pan at the opening to a few spotchecks in London (they have their own version of Venice - who knew?) to rampant candids of a long-faced prince cavorting with the gentleman's version of Lauren Conrad, i.e. Kate Middleton and finally Winston Churchill demanding the bustling city grind to a silent halt. But in spite of hosting this celebration of sports on the 2 century anniversary of America's last "victory" over England, there is no ambiguity about who won these games - resoundingly, the red white and blue flown most often wasn't a Union Jack but, in fact, our stars and stripes.
So let's just run through a few highlights:
- Oscar Pistorius is the first "disabled" person to compete in an Olympics semi-final. This has two big sides to it. 1.) For all the scientists that said his competing was unfair as his spring legs would give him an advantage, you need only see the fact that he finished dead last in the 400. 2.) After the race, Kirani James, the Grenadan who would go on to win, traded bids with Pistorius, something rarely done in Olympic track competition but a resounding show of sportsmanship and respect. If James, a man who came from nowhere and is currently the reigning world champion, can show respect and appreciation for Pistorius' struggles, all us couch-athletes need to take notice. On the other hand, one does have to wonder with the improvement of prostheses and, now, their approved usage in competition, when will it pass a break-even point and the prostheses are no longer a disadvantage (this was the theory the scientists posited)? That is, how long until we have cybernetically-charged runners a la the 6 million dollar man? Considering such ambitions as those held by Dr. Hugh Herr who, after losing his legs to frostbite during a climb gone wrong, has been pushing prosthesis technology forward by leaps and bounds. And when that happens, that we can build a superior leg, what will be the ramifications for competition - will their be enhanced and regular leagues, what? Because if you're trying to believe the Olympics are free of such technological innovation, one just needs look at the facilities.
- Every Olympic Games, records are broken. This London Olympics saw 4 track records broken (including a 27-year-old one for the women's 4x100), 3 cycling records, and 8 swimming records. While certainly some of the credit has to go to the fact that athletes are just getting better as goes the natural evolution of sports and coaching, there was also a lot of extra attention paid to the facilities. Everybody knows people love to see records shattered and as such the engineers went to work building the best facilities they could. From complex circulation systems built into the pool as well as a wider pool and extra ventilation (which led to less wake in the pool, thus less drag and so on), to a track designed to give support not only vertically but also horizontally (as runners apparently get as much as 45% of their push off the sides of their feet) to better angles of the indoor biking track and springier gymnastics, these are the best facilities ever. So one must wonder if it's fair to rank these records against previous or if they deserve an asterisk alongside them as technology has had a hand in setting these new ones.
- An American judo competitor, Nick Delpopolo, was kicked out of the Olympics for testing positive for drugs. Not for steroids or doping or any of that but for weed. Seriously, this is just a stupid rule. Weed? In no way does it enhance performance. Health and otherwise it's not as hazardous to the body as drinking - I've seen a lot more lives wasted on booze than herbalz. So why the fuck do you kick somebody out of the Olympics for smoking an organic drugs that is, in fact, legal in various countries (and decriminalized in many more) and if anything is a performance hinderer?
- Did anybody else catch those rhythmic gymnasts? Hands down hottest chicks in the Olympics. There, I've said it. Bodies like ballet dancers, discipline like soldiers, and super bendy. The things they were doing with those balls and each other, flipping over one another's back and going between their legs and - just amazing. I've never seen this before, didn't even know it existed but, due to this year's whacked out coverage (couldn't catch a single soccer match but was forced to DVR and then fast forward through hours of water polo and men's indoor volleyball - seriously, what the fuck?) I finally got to behold the truly wonderful parading of woodland nymphs I imagine occurred on the reg in Victorian British Gardens, usually while geeking on opium or somesuch.
- Which leads me to the final topic, let's talk about women. The United States women won 58 medals, beating out every other country's total numbers with the exception of China, Russia and GBR. They also won 29 golds tying Britain's total count for 3rd place in Gold count. This means that our men won 46 total medals and only 17 golds. In general America is going through a shift of the sexes. As more women are graduating from college and more companies look to diversify their boys' clubs, we're seeing more female executives and, in extension, more houses where the woman is the chief breadwinner. Along the line that a country's Olympics results are a good clue as to what kind of country it is (that is, China announced its arrival as a true international superpower by sweeping the medals in the mind-blowing Beijing, the European countries are struggling no doubt due to necessary budget cuts, Russia is historically our #1 rival) America's women are dominating. In gymnastics, one of the marquee disciplines of the Summer Olympics since forever ago, our men didn't even make the top three while our women won Gold, not to mention various other individual medals. Our women dominated the track while our men were setting records for NOT winning medals - that is, first time there were a bunch of track finals with no US male presence. I'm thinking this can be chalked up to 2 factors: 1.) America is ahead of many countries when it comes to women's roles and rights. That is, while other nations may have women higher up in politics, there's still a long-running hegemony of old white males who scoff at women getting all tough and rough. America all but invented the Tomboy and we're still one of the only nations with actual professional women's athletics leagues. Even more telling, look at the countries that had the weakest showing in women to men ratios - Iran (the devil), Azerbaijan (has anybody ever been to Azerbaijan? Didn't think so), Cuba (ahh Fidel), South Korea, and Italy. 2.) Our women are getting hard. That is, girly girls are out. Strong, powerful women is the name of the game and as such, they're not afraid to train just as hard and build muscles just as rippling as most other countries' men - just look at Carmelita Jeter. A stronger athlete you'd be hard-pressed to find.
3.) Our men are getting soft. I've been saying this for years but with every vaunting of metrosexual manscaping and overly-coiffed vampire tough guy who just happens to look like an emo freak, we're beginning to create a generation of American men more dandy than pre-Revolution Versailles. As such our gymnasts can't concentrate on what are some of the toughest paces a man can put his muscles through, our runners can't pump harder than those economically blighted Caribbeans, and in general our men are a disappointment. Here's a suggestion for American male Olympians going forward - look at what the women are doing. And do that. Your Man's Ambition, US athletes should be to be a US Women's athlete. And US Women, thank you for carrying America to glory.
Now we got Sochi in 2 years for the far superior Winter Olympics and then Rio in 2016. And men, you won't have Phelps to keep padding your stats (as he will, in fact, be concentrating on swinging through the jungle) and I don't think Lochte's up to it. So get your shit in order. Though if you don't, I'm sure the women will swoop in to carry your ass.
- Ryan
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