Right now there are probably a shitload of middle-aged moms in Iowa who are worried about that Shaun White tee she bought at Target for her son, "Ooh, it's just so hard finding good role models, geez, now I'll have to go back to buying him pre-faded superhero shirts."
But for real snowboarders, especially ones who've been doing it for over a decade and know about the history, not to mention skaters who still hold firmly to their rebel roots, Shaun White is finally becoming the hero we all wished he would be.
I mean, sure, it's awesome what he's done, bringing big money sponsors to snowboarding, giving it a bit more legitimacy so these daring athletes can actually get health insurance to pay for the regular bone-breakings and joint-tearings that are part and parcel with their sports. I mean, you talk about the hits football players take, just imagine falling from 20 feet up flat onto ice or, if urban jibbing, concrete - then doing it over and again, followed by occasionally slamming yourself on long hard rails and finally having to swim out from under an avalanche. So it's good to know the ones out there doin' work on their boards can afford to get medical care.
But on the other hand, Shaun White's also the number 1 guy changing what it means to be a snowboarder and not necessarily for the better, especially is you ask some of the elders of the sport.
Terje Haakonsen, for example, the closest thing to snowboarding's Michael Jordan, protested the addition of snowboarding to the Olympics on the grounds that it's something done by snowboarders with snowboarders and therefore the whole "being judged by the FIS" part of the Olympics - that is, snowboarding is judged and controlled by the Federatione Internationale de Ski - goes against everything he and his brethren wanted.
Let's rewind to a time called the 80's. Punk rock was big. Skaters were public enemy number 1. And snowboarding wasn't allowed at most resorts, leaving the first couple to have to hike out of bounds or poach runs. Or even more, there were special little pens snowboarders couldn't go outside of. Snowboarders frightened skiers with their punk rock haircuts and sideways style and their boisterous hooting and hollering.
Then came the WHISKEY boys. They were the first ones to come along and really take it to all those two-planking bastards. Their movies were a mixture of some of the daringest snowsports footage of the time with footage of the derelicts getting violently drunk, vomiting, breaking bottle over their heads, and getting into fights. There was even footage of legend Shaun Palmer getting hammered - like literally drinking a beer while standing on the competition halfpipe - and then going on to win the fledgling snowboard US Open in a mini shovel-dug halfpipe. WHISKEY won snowboard video of the year in 1992 or some shit. They went on to inspire snowboarding's in your face explosion towards today where any mountain that doesn't cater to boarders is basically asking to get shut down. The people they featured - from Jimmy Halopoff to Sean Kearns - all but single handedly changed the world of snowsports so not only were boarders soon doing mind-blowing backflips over roads but even skiers realized they had to try and ride like boarders if they wanted to progress their shit. They were JACKASS before JACKASS, for fuck's sake.
Shaun White is the kid who made good, sure, but as was once pointed out, when Shaun White was given carte blanche by Red Bull he had them make him his own perfect halfpipe to session and perfect his moves. Travis Rice, on the other hand, the rider currently considered by most real snowboarders to be the best, what did he do with Red Bull's deep wallets? He put together the most mind-blowing contest in the history of extreme sports. And he regularly pulls together the greatest riders to join him on big adventures around the world, the most recent being THE ART OF FLIGHT.
And interspersed with all the footage, all his shredding are stories about the raucous times he and his buddies have. Not so with Shaun White. Shaun listened to Led Zeppelin the first time a few years ago and suddenly he started dressing like fucking Robert Plant without realizing the fact that Planty don't board - he makes albums with fuckin' Alison Krauss. And even more, that Robert Plant could look like a pirate in a tight leather jacket because he Led lived the life of true rock stars back in the day, when rockers did hard drugs and trashed hotels and had orgies instead of shrooming or taking prescription pills or simply being "misunderstood" and dating Disney stars. At the least plenty of real riders called him a square behind his back and he hasn't been voted a top 10 rider by the snowboard mags in a few years. Shaun was never really known for being "one of da boys" much less for partying hard and as such many in the snowboard community have very mixed feelings about him.
Until now, at least for the partying part. As they say about Stacy Peralta in LORDS OF DOGTOWN, "Poor guy's so straight he doesn't even cast a shadow." But now - now - now, Shaun I'll say it. You pulled a fire alarm, evacuating a hotel all hammered up and when some dude tried to stop you from running away you got into an altercation and, seemingly, got popped in the eye before being arrested for vandalism and public intoxication. Congratulations. You're living up to your potential. You're a real snowboarder. Now go trash another hotel room, smoke a blunt, and spend a season riding backcountry pow - or at least urban jibbing in Quebec.
It might mean less Stride gum and American Express commercials but, hey, at least it'll mean you get respected by the community you're supposed to be representative of. And c'mon, part of the fun of being a snowboarder is being a derelict. Leave the respectability to the skiers. And maybe shave that douchey goatee - your mugshot looks like Axl Rose circa 2012. Nobody wants to be THAT old rock star.
No comments:
Post a Comment