SUPERCHARGED LOSERS: 4 Chunks of Rot to Emerge from the Baltimore/San Diego Game Sunday

Sunday you might have seen the San Diego Chargers lose to the Baltimore Ravens in one of the most exciting nail-biters of the long weekend, a game which included a 30 yard Ray Rice run down the middle on a 4th and 29 from a team down by 3 with less than 2 minutes left in a game.

You might have seen it, that is, unless you lived in Southern California. 

Which brings me to topic # 1:

WHAT JERK-OFF AT THE NFL CAME UP WITH THIS BLACKOUT RULE?

I understand the logic behind this, that by blacking out a home game when it doesn't sell out, you force the local fans to buy tickets. The thing is, this cause and effect is about as sound as the argument that keeping marijuana illegal will lower our country's problem with pharmaceuticals, cocaine and heroin. 

This is just another example of the NFL getting a bit big for its britches and trying to make up rules and play games that will cement its American entertainment dominance while slowly eroding some of the basic essence of what made the NFL into the juggernaut it currently is. As I wrote about last week, all the attention given to softening the game can only lead to bad things  - today's it's hits to the head, next it'll be low tackles (which can land players on their heads), then make illegal any hits on a receiver until they've taken a step and then, seriously, who wants to watch football without hard hits?

And this blackout bullshit is just another example of the NFL and specifically the Chargers biting itself in the ass. The basics are as such - for any team that hasn't sold out tickets within 72 hours of the game, the NFL can call a television blackout. The idea is that'll incentivize the local fans to buy tickets to the game. But here's the problem - it blacks out affiliates as well. So I'm in Los Angeles, almost 200 miles from San Diego and yet I couldn't see my Ravens play the Chargers. Except by streaming it online, an irritating feed during which the players were continually constipated mid-throw or mid-run. Still, the NFL lost all credit for that viewing and the corresponding ad buys. Even more, plenty of people advertise during local games because there's a higher probability that the local fans will be consolidated in front of said game.So the networks and affiliates will have to explain to people placing ad buys specifically for the San Diego team in the San Diego market. Have fun.

On the other hand, there are all the fans it alienated by not allowing them to watch their team on TV. Right now NFL TV rights are their most lucrative ever. But teams are revamping their stadiums, trying to get people to "enjoy" (translate: pay for) that experience.So they think it's okay to trade their TV revenue for a chance to build stadium revenue but sorry, it doesn't work that way. In fact, I think these blackouts will remind more people, especially in places like San Diego, of all the other things they could be doing instead of watching their shitty football team lose again. Essentially eroding an already-shaky fan base.

But seriously, why didn't the Chargers sell out? In some cases, like mine, for instance, I just don't have the $500 plus it woulda cost for the wife and I to drive down to San Diego and buy tickets to the game. If we were in San Diego it would be a different story. And the interesting thing is, watching the game, there was a shitload of purple in the stands. Disproportionate to how it should be. So if they're 9000 tickets short of a sellout and a lot of the tickets bought were bought by fans of a team based 3000 miles away, what does that say for the San Diego fans?

FAIR WEATHER MAKES FOR FAIR WEATHER FANS or WHY L.A. CAN'T GET A TEAM

The simple sad fact is that nobody in San Diego wants to spend money to see their team suck. Chargers fans are counting down the days until the season ends and Norv Turner gets his walking papers and possibly Rivers too. Are there plenty of other teams doing worse? Sure. But what the fuck else can you do in Detroit? San Diego fans don't have to be die hard because which would you rather do - watch your under-performing team lose again or go surfing?

If you answered go surfing you're a bad fan. But that's just it, in Southern California to get any fan attention you have to be fucking champions, like the Lakers, especially when you see how much the Clippers are little more than an afterthought in this city. The Angels had to win the world series to sell out their stadium (and then L.A. claimed them, though the City of Angels claiming the baseball team the Angels would be like Philadelphia claiming the Orioles). The Dodgers have one of the most beautiful fields in baseball and every year are contenders and god help them if they start slipping. But football, a pricey game, requires people be willing to plunk down hundreds of dollars in solidarity sometimes to see their team lose. And again, if you live in a city of industry where everything's dead and the couple hours at the local stadium might be the only time you spend out doors each week, that's acceptable. But with all the distractions in SoCal it's understandable why Chargers fans get antsy and decide not to buy tickets. But c'mon, people, how embarrassing is it that you've had 2 blackouts, including one for a game which your team needed to win to make the playoffs? The fans have all but given up.

Baltimore had a few shitty years there. And even then the stands were packed. And it's a combination of that support and hard-nosed spirit which has made the Ravens into a perennial playoff team. But obviously it's not all the fans' fault. I mean, Jacksonville has done everything it can to incentivize fans to pack the stands so as to avoid blackouts. So while perhaps the team spirit in SoCal is a bit lacking (again, you have to be a fucking champion every year to get fans when the true test of a fanbase is whether they stick when you suck, which has been shown to be decidedly shakey in SoCal) there's also some poor decision making from the front office. Letting got of Marty Schottenheimer after a 14-2 season for Norv Turner who, let's be honest, has never been much more than a disappointment? And then there's Philip Rivers.

WHEN WILL LOSERS LEARN TO SHUT THE FUCK UP?

I'm gonna start with this quote from Phillip Rivers', possibly the NFL's greatest current underachiever, on Ray Rice's already-legendary 4th and 29 scramble:

"He did not get the first down. They just did not have a view to overturn it. He did not get it. You can't help it. When you don't have a view to overturn it, you cannot overturn it.

“I do not think anyone thinks he got it. I do not think anyone in the stadium thinks he got it. I do not think Ray Rice thinks he got it. I do not think anyone on their team thinks he got it. But he got it. They just did not have a camera view to overturn it. That's what the referee said. He felt bad that they could not because he did not have a view. He knew his knee was down on the 35-yard line."

 I have one word for this: classless. I have 3 words for this: shut up, loser. And watch this damn run:

There's been some debate around the league as to whether Ray Rice got it or not but for the most part, the consensus is that this will go down as one of those ridiculously amazing all-time plays, the 4th and 29 run from all-star Ray Rice. You had a front row seat to history, motherfucker, but instead of admitting that yet again your team dropped the ball, that in spite of playing arguably your best game all season you were only able to put up 13 points, that perhaps you need to re-evaluate your game and your skills and stop trying to claim yourself elite, you, Philip Rivers-don't-run-deep are spouting this long tirade like an angry fat kid who blames grown-up bias for the fact you didn't make the team. When, in fact, the reason you didn't make the team is that you're fat.

Just say "The Ravens played well. And that play from Ray Rice was once in a lifetime. We put out a good effort but have a few things to work on," then step down.

BONUS: What not to do: Just keep talking shit like the Jets, the Scrappy Doo of the league without the heart or the bite, just a loud mouth and nothing to back it up with. To point # 4:

SO, WHICH COACHES YOU THINK ARE GONNA GET THEIR WALKING PAPERS IN A FEW WEEKS?

If Norv Turner, Andy Reid, and Rex Ryan still have head coaching jobs come their teams' failures to enter the playoffs, it's obviously a MAJOR LEAGUE type situation where the owners want to move their franchises to another town. Which is good because a lot of teams could use some good assistant coaches. Hell, I'd be more than happy to have Rex Ryan back coaching the Ravens' defense. But seriously, it's embarrassing that these assholes are given billion-dollar-franchises and allowed to run them into the ground - haven't seen such irresponsible leadership since Jon Corzine.

Who else you think is going?

So as we get into the home stretch there's still a lot that can happen. But there are a couple glaring phantoms who could fuck up this whole golden era for the NFL:

1. Stop wringing every dollar and cent out of your teams. You're gonna lose fans if you continue viewing them as customers you need to fuck with to increase revenue. Football teams aren't corporations. Nobody NEEDS a football team like he needs, for example, a car. There should be a mutual respect there and as owners and the league try to manipulate it like a Goldman Sachs securities packagerlooking to maximize profits, there will be an inevitable kickback.

2. Step It Up. SoCal fans, you need to start showing the love for your teams EVEN IF THEY LOSE. And management, you need to start catering to those fans like it's your job. Because it is - don't forget, you may be rich and powerful but the people who buy your jerseys, tickets, and hats are your bosses.

3. Less Talking, More Winning. Trash talking is awesome if you can back it up. But when your team sucks and/or you have no reason to be talking shit, just put your head down and play the fucking game. Rivers, you sound like the petulant loser you are. By the way, did you know Rivers is super religious? Tebow also. Apparently God doesn't help white quarterbacks.

4. Adios, Motherfuckers. It's gonna be great to see the big head coach shuffle. A lot of dead wood in this league. But as the great NFL gold rush gets closer and closer to its apocheir, having the right General will be the difference between the teams that become global brands and the teams who settle for being American jokes.

- Ryan