The Gloves Are Off - AFC North

AFC North

This division contains the biggest rivalry in football. There are longer rivalries and ones with more history, but when the Ravens play the Steelers, people truly get fucked up. It seems that recently it has been an epic battle for the AFC North. The last few years, there has been an immense amount of shit talk, people getting fucked up, and a meeting in the playoffs. These games come down to the end and are usually separated by 3 points. If anyone disagrees, look at the second regular reason game between the two teams. Heap-Concusion,Suggs-bloody lip, Rothlisberger- bloody nose. These two teams play the way football is supposed to be played. Hard hitting, no holds bar, pedal to the metal, slug fest.

Cleveland Browns

They will not be the worst team in this division. They will once again sit snuggly in that third place spot. Not good enough to get a preferred meal, but also not the runt. They have the potential in this system and with the personnel they have to play the spoiler throughout the season; a potential quarterback of the future in Colt McCoy. Not only does he have the abilities and the intelligence to make an impact, he might be the only quarterback with a hotter woman than Tom Brady. They have the old corn fed, great white hype rusher in Peyton Hillis, and maybe the most dynamic player in the division Joshua Cribbs. The biggest questions are the receivers. Ben Watson is a solid Tight end and it’s going to be interesting what Robiskie does, but there will be no consistency. Does Cribbs have the hands to be a top tier receiver? Seeing how his bread and butter kick return game has been stolen from him like a fat chick stealing food, they will need to find ways to get him the ball. Don’t invite him to Vick’s house.

Key Players-

Joshua Cribbs

Colt McCoy

Joe Thomas

Tony Pashos

Peyton hills

Defense

Sheldon Brown

That’s actually it.

Cincinnati Bengals

No journalist really wants to waste time writing about them. They simply suck. They have some potential and each and every year they manage to squish that potential. Their inability to consistently produce winners is similar to Nick Cage. A career of mixed results. I mean, did anyone even see DRIVE ANGRY? Gone is the circus show surrounding OchoCinco. For god sakes, Carson Palmer is willing to throw away millions. Their owner almost makes you wish you had Al Davis running the show. Their leading rusher Cedric Benson is like a NASCAR race. Sooner or later he is going to breakdown and it will not be pretty. Their receivers are young, but there is some talent there in Simpson, Caldwell, Green, and Jordan Shipley. With these young receivers, mixed with a young QB in Andy Dalton, this will be one hell of year.

The one bright side is they have strong corners in Nate Clements and Leon hall, and a beast of an MLB in Ray Maguahufjdhkjhfkhkfh. Too bad they are going to go through an entire seasons worth of work in the first month. They will be more burnt out than Snoop Dogg

Key Players

Colt Mccoy

Cedric Benson

AJ Green

Defense

Ray Maulaluga

Nate Clements

Leon Hall

Robert Gaethers

Baltimore Ravens

Is this the year they grab the crown? Each and every year, their expectations are Super Bowl and every year they fail to reach the final game. This team may be young, but in no way are they rebuilding. Sure they are developing a core of young Talent. With two young stud TE’s drafted last year, two receivers this year, Joe Flacco, Ray Rice, and a young line, they are ready to contend and making sure they contend for a long time. This offense will be unstoppable if the line ends up playing even at a mediocre level.

Their defense should be within the top five this year. They have beefed up their front seven over the last few years and want to make that dismal number 27 (sacks) a thing of the past. Besides that they have a plethora of young corners with Foxworth, Carr, Webb, and the potential two starters in Williams and Smith. I will not forget Ed Reed and Ray Lewis …Enough said

Key Players

Joe Flacco

Ray Rice

Anquan Boldin

Lee Evans

Ed Dickson

Defense

Ray Lewis

Haloti Ngata

Terrell Suggs

Ed Reed

Jarret Johnson

Pittsburgh Steelers

Should we be sending them to the Geriatric hospital? Sooner or later they will be showing their age, but the question is when – though after last Sunday perhaps that’s been answered. They have dominated the AFC North and essentially the AFC over the last few years. Their QB wins games and is probably the most underrated QB in the game. The best way to describe him is how Dennis Reynolds describes himself. “I’m a winner. As a winner, I do not understand words like no, don’t, stop. It’s just not in our vocabulary.” He gets accolades, but if anyone watched the Ravens-Steelers game last year, he lead them to a comeback with a broken nose and a fucked up ankle that should have won gutsiest play of the season. With the Cheshire Cat Hines Ward and the human bullet Mike Wallace, he has some targets. I mean this team made it the AFC championship with an o-line more suitable for flag football.

On Defense, they never let down. With Mr. “I insure my hair” Troy Palamalu, James “I’m Ignorant” Harrison and a beast of another linebacker in Lamar Woodley, they will contend again. They have two corners that are as inconsistent as Lindsey Lohans sobriety in Ike Tayler and Bryant McFadden. 

Key players

Ben Roethlisberger

Hines Ward

Heath Miller

Maurice Pouncey

Rashard Mendenhall

Defense

Lamar Woodley

Troy Palamalu

James Harrison

Brett Keisel