SUD of the Week: Joe Pa's Pedo-files

A good coach has a close relationship with his right hand man and they don't get more right-hand to Joe Pa than his defensive coordinator, Jerry Sandusky. Maybe Joe knew he was a fucking pederast from day one, always talking about how good the kicker looked next to all the behemoths in the locker room. Maybe he didn't. Still, anybody who starts a boy's house-type organization should be watched closely. For nearly 20 years Sandusky's been recruiting boys from the nonprofit and fucking them in the Penn State showers. Joe Pa musta heard rumblings. Maybe he even said "Hey, Jerry, I don't wanna know about it, but stay away from those little boys. I hear rumors." You don't become that good of a coach without a near-prophetic ability to see clearly the people and scenarios around you.

Joe Paterno is the winningest coach in major college history. And maybe someday that'll be what people remember about him. But he runs another risk - of being, like so many other athletic greats, remembered not for what he accomplished but for a twisted, rotten scandal that brought him down.

Later, when he heard from an assistant about Sandusky getting a BJ from some pre-pubescent boy, Joe Paterno shoulda turned him in. I understand, you keep your friend's secrets, that's what a good friend does. But it's not like he killed a man fucking his wife; it's not like he cheated on his taxes, maybe stole from the man or steps out on his family on the weekends. No he PENETRATED LITTLE BOYS.

Joe brought it up to an advisory board who's at bigger fault for doing nothing but Joe Pa, the guilt is just as much yours. 9 boys have been documented being molested by your assistant, God only knows how many others are out there who just keep the secret buried deep in a lintball of shame and self-loathing.

So this week's SUD - Your boy starts breaking social rules - molesting kids, raping women, strangling pets, oppressing gays when he goes out to have gay sex, hiring hookers to vivisect them, shit like that - tell him you're reporting him to the authorities and then do just that. Because this shit will come out, it always does. And when it does, if you hadn't tried to pre-empt the cops and the press, you'll go down with him. Not to mention the increased damage he'll have perpetrated on society and even his own fractured soul.

- Ryan