The Secret world of Bro-dom

As men, we are mostly impervious to our emotions, but as humans we are stuck in a world in which we are forced to have feelings unconditionally. Obviously, some individuals are more in touch with their thoughts and feelings, while others push them down inside the deep abyss that is their heart and souls. Unless a ‘dude’ is comfortable with another, the dynamic between the two is very superficial.  Sports, food, getting laid, and alcohol maintain a majority of the conversation, but there are also other variations of male banter that might include politics, Entertainment, and technology. While these are known as topics that revolve around “Guy talk” they don’t full encompass what it means to be a true “bro”. This is one of the biggest secrets in mandom. What it means to have a bro.

 

You can say dicks before chicks, bro’s before ho’s, blame the girl, etc. The bottom line is that true “boys” will, for better or for worse, be there. Each provides their own level of camaraderie. In the NFL, the QB will take out his offensive line to a huge steak dinner that usually runs between $10-$20 G’s. Even the gaudy Chad Ochocinco, who had a terribleyear by anyone’s standards, bought his team $28,000 worth of Beats on Dre headphones as a thank you for allowing him to hang on their coattails for a first time trip to the Superbowl. In other sports, usually a MVP will take out the rest of the team to a meal as they understand they couldn’t be where they are without the others. While most males do not have the financial security to shower other males with lavish gifts, the standard gesture would be taking a friend out for drinks, meet a fellow dude to watch sports, or take him out for a steak dinner. That said, to be a true bro, it is not what you do, but how you interact with him. It is being comfortable enough to take off that bulletproof vest of testosterone and discuss everything that’s in your mind and soul. It comes in variations, whether it’s your roommate, your friends growing up, your father, or like myself, all of the above and especially my brother.

I got the idea to write this article due to a conversation I had with a good friend of mine growing up. We were extremely close in high school and during college we maintained that friendship for as long as possible until his move post-graduation to his current location on the other side of the US . We still talk, very infrequently, and for short spurts thank you to social media, but it’s not the same. We had a very strong group of friends, but he and I had similarities unrelated to the rest of our crew such as an affinity for extreme sports, punk music, getting tattoos, and the whole idea that security is not the be all/end all of life. We were basically the only two who moved beyond a stone’s throw from home. So the other morning, he messaged me that after a few years of dating, he’d found out that this satanic succubus had cheated on him. We talked about how she’d manipulated him into being this sort of plastic creature who disliked everything that made him who he was and that, at this point, he needed his crew. He was in a city that he actually did like, but it had transformed him, and what I got from the conversation is that he needed a crew that he could explain his thoughts and feelings to. He knew that Myself, Eric, or Halt would be there right then and throw out the surface-based dude talk and actually listen to what he had to say. Whether it was pain, anger, or despair he needed to express, we’d drop everything in our lives to listen to his emotions, do what we could to make this transition he was going through easier.

After talking to him, it’s rather obvious that this monster of a whore led him to a life that he did not want to live. While there are a lot of women out there who will treat you well, there are also those who will dangle that string of sex in order to change the spirit inside of you and that had happened to him. From what I’ve seen and heard, this woman will most likely end up in a ditch while my boy has the ability to do something great with his life. He is extremely intelligent, hard-working, and charismatic enough to understand that he will be able to prevail from this state of fog that he has been living in. He was stung and as Ed Reed said  during the half-time of the Miami game, “I’m hurt dog, don’t ask me if I’m hurt”, but I think after a “bro” session, he was able to comprehend that he is well better off without her. It’s an extremely different dynamic from the woman friend relationship, as more often women wear their feelings and emotions somewhat on their sleeves. Their banter related to these characteristics lose some of their worth since it’s always put out there but with a bro, these are seldom discussed and therefore more valued. We all need our confidants, and our bros, since whether or not people think it, men, like women, need to be able to put their emotions out to those who can relate The difference between men and women is that after this emotional discussion takes place, men talk about the interests above, while usually women continue to talk about their feelings. It is a given that women are in tune with their emotions, but it is also true that males are too, though we’re expected to keep them in, deal with them ourselves. Because of this, having a fellow bro with whom you can discuss your emotions, somebody who you can be weak in front of, is invaluable if you ever are to be a true man of consequence. 

- Kyle

From Ropes to Cages - How UFC is Replacing Boxing

The evolution of society continues to deflate man’s level of shock as we are continually and increasingly exposed to death, murder, torture, riots, and every other form of vile cruelty. Within the last couple of years, there have been reporters raped mercilessly in the middle of riots, the #1 most hated man in the world gunned down, a Pro Athlete torturing animals, rapes, a College coach molesting hundreds of children, and it’s all in the spotlight. The sporting world too has become slightly more savage, even with new rules being implemented to protect players. By no means am I drawing a direct correlation between such calamities mentioned above and the evolution of sports, but it is interesting to point out the correlation that is occurring. Players are being restrained due to fear of decapitation, extreme athletes are pushing themselves to no end, and boxing has been replaced by the gruesome UFC, where every limb is used as a weapon to cause terminal pain. UFC has grabbed this world by storm and is rocketing beyond the world of boxing.

UFC is in the spotlight. Just buy your ticket for Steven Soderbergh’s movie HAYWIRE, where the lead actress is the Ultimate Fighter and ex -American Gladiator Gina Carano. UFC has taken over the airways with the lightning strikes, intense ground grappling, and the instant gratification that comes along with this type of sport. It is what the world wants, restrained shit kicking. Continuing with the media spotlight, THE CONTENDER (cancelled in 2008) has been replaced by ULTIMATE FIGHTER which is still going strong. UFC knockouts have more views then boxing knockouts, and even movie Theaters are starting to show UFC viewings. Eventually, all TV might be based around Mixed Martial Arts. Blood, sweat, and tears.

 Right now, there is really 1 primetime fight that can put boxing back on the map at least temporarily and that would be Mayweather/Pacquiao. The issue is that it won’t last unless this fight exceeds expectations. It is undeniable the top boxing professionals still receives financially way more money, but doesn’t that add to the luster of Mixed Martial Arts fighting? It’s still fought like the ancient gladiators of old. While they did receive money, power, and respect they fought for their lives, more motivation than any trophy or money sign could ever be.

Another cause that has lead to the disintegration of boxing is the lack of quality active legends. Besides Mayweather and Pacquiao, there is an unlimited list of 1 hit wonders that have graced the boxing arena, too many to pay attention to them all. Hasim Rahman, Wladimir Klitschko, and Sergio Martinez prove Ricky Hatton is just 1 among many.  In UFC, some of the most famous fighters are still rallying for the thrill of championship, stars such as Ortiz, Shamrock, Lesnar, and St. Pierre. Eventually, the way this fight is playing out, the Cage will replace the ropes as the number one money-maker in the world of legal pain infliction.

- Kyle

SUD of The Week:: Kodak Developed Its Own Destruction

Eastman Kodak filed for Chapter 11 January 19th, taking the noble one-time Blue Chip Eastman Kodak stock from a high of $93 dollars a share in 1997 to its current quote of .3445. That's right, it went from nearly a hundred bucks to 34 cents in 14 years.

Of course anybody can pinpoint the why of it all - when was the last time you bought film? Other than a few eastside hipsters and photography students, I don't know anybody who's still seriously doing the analog thing.

Admittedly, I did buy a Holga camera to try and do the whole manual film thing. After 4 or 5 rolls it has captured several very nice, artistic pictures and it's true that a digital camera just can't replicate film. But it also caught many horrible ones. On top of that, I missed a whole trip to Big Sur because I loaded the film wrong and ruined a roll  because I opened the back before fully winding it up. User error is not the fault of the film, but when digital cameras are so goddamn easy - from being able to check your pictures immediately to being able to edit, color correct, and share with the greatest of ease - it feels a bit ridiculous for the average guy to spend unnecessary time on a slight hobby when there are many other things I'd rather be doing. If you're in to photography then I absolutely suggest you buy some sort of manual camera if only because those "mistakes" often do make something more amazing than the perfection guaranteed with digital cameras. But if you just want to shoot memorable moments to post on Facebook and email your friends, it's more of a hassle than it's worth.

Anyway yes, Kodak was ruined by digital cameras. Now that most films are shot digitally (easier to edit and you can email prints overseas instead of spending thousands of dollars on shipping costs) Kodak literally has no real demand for the product on which it was built, film. But you know what? It's their own damn fault.

In 1975, Kodak developed and built the first digital camera, a gadget able to store the pictures in digital files the user could then save on a cassette.And then, instead of ramping up their production department to make digital cameras, memory chips, sharing capabilities - hell, all the picture-sharing sites like Flickr they just, like, did nothing with the exception of their few last-ditch efforts to go online and whatnot way too late.

This would be like Blockbuster coming up with the smart idea of a mail order video rental company but then neglecting it in favor of its brick and mortar businesses. Now it's trying to adopt Netflix' business model and with Netflix upping its prices, it just re-opened the door. But that's more a mistake on Netflix' part than anything else.

As a luddite, I often wait until as long as possible before adopting new technology. I am of the opinion that the more we come to rely on new technology and the integration thereof, the greater a chance we give to some mad genius to destroy or at the least take advantage of us and, even more, the further we get from our humanity. Still, I view business and innovation in a different light. When I worked for marketing companies I spent hours looking for the newest technology, studying up on SEO and social networking and user-generated content marketing. I advised the old marketing VP's to take the multi-millions they were spending on magazine ads and on an outfit-builder on their website and instead invest on a bigger online social media/UGC presence. Along those same lines, Kodak should have put more time and R&D into this emerging digital relationship between people and their photographs. Perhaps this can be chalked up to the inflexibility of market giants. But seeing as they were the first ones to TAKE DIGITAL PICTURES 37 years ago, there really is no excuse other than their own sheer stupidity.

So this week's Seemingly Unimportant Decision of the Week is a two-shot:

1. Don't spend your company's vast resources and expertise to develop technology that runs counter to your bread and butter and

2. If you do come across the next great innovation, have enough sense to start shifting your resources and efforts toward developing that instead of putting your head in the ground and just hoping it'll go away. Because it won't. If Kodak had immediately started doing something, they could've turned their massive ship, something that takes a lot of time and effort but can be done. If you think you can hid your discovery you're wrong - somebody else will discover it at some point and most likely they'll be like a little speed boat, able to turn quickly and power through the chop.

All the people from Kodak who will no doubt be whining about losing their retirement benefits? While a lot of you may have been factory workers and whatnot, again screwed by the workings of the man you so faithfully served, there were probably a good portion of you who convinced your higher-ups that the digital thing would never catch on because you didn't understand it or you just didn't feel like dealing with it. And now, well, I'm sorry but you're paying the price.

- Ryan

A True Man is a Born Loser

Loss is a part of life. Loss and failure, which is just another form of loss, a loss of hope or worth, are what make victory and success that much sweeter. Everyone experiences both throughout his life, though the man who is ambitious, who is always pushing and taking risks with the hope of grander rewards and sweeter victories, will experience more losses and failures; this is especially true for men who pursue life with passion. The more passionate you are about something the worse it’ll hurt if it fails, when that passion is destroyed in the bitter fires of defeat. Caring about things undoubtedly leaves you open for hurt and the more you care the more hurt you risk bestowing upon yourself. Sometimes you almost feel envy for the level-headed, uncaring people who live their lives in eternal control and without wild, unfettered passion.

I write this today with a sour stomach, a mental, psychic, and physical hangover having taken me to numbing depths of misery after my Baltimore Ravens’ tragic loss to the Patriots in a game we’d all but won. As I write this, feeling so goddamn depressed that I want to crawl into a hole with a bottle of Wild Turkey and call if a life, I can’t help but realize how stupid it all is, which makes me feel even worse. While yes, I consider myself a hardcore fan, and I’ve already written about what that means and made somesense of the phenomenon of fandom (in which we cheer for a group of people doing their job with no real connection to us other than the fact that they perform their job in our city of choice), it’s still baffling that I should feel so wasted, so down and depressed, over something as trivial as a game.

I’m no stranger to loss and failure, either. At the ripe age of 30 I’ve already been involved in an executive capacity in 3 failed start-ups, not to mention the countless blogs, books, websites, and small companies (anybody want to pay for a personal lacrosse tutor for their kids?) I’ve overseen and organized, all of which have also effectively “failed” (though a few I might consider more “not succeeding” than “failing”).

And then there’s the real, one true loss, loss of life. Over the last decade I’ve had two good friends die, seen the death of every relative in my grandparents’ generation, seen a few family friends from my parents’ generation, including friends’ parents, die,  and had people whom I emulate and admire (Norm Webb, my lacrosse coach, a war hero, high-ranking member of the military and also one of the greatest men I’ve ever had the fortune to know; Hunter S. Thompson, a personal literary hero) fall into death’s icy clutches. In the last year alone both of my wife’s grandparents died as well as our dog (who’d been hers for a good 12-13 years) and our cat (who’d been with her for 15 years). 

And then there’s the friends with whom we’ve lost contact, almost the same as dying though with a remaining (though dwindling daily) possibility of reconnection. And the friends who are dealing with their own struggles, who’ve lost certain elements of their personality, whether to mental issues or addiction or other vile plagues, who run the very real risk of losing themselves, and thus us losing them, within the near future.

Then there are the losses of luminaries like Steve Jobs, young inspiring athletes like skiers Jamie Pierre and Sarah Burke, talented artists like Heath Ledger and Amy Winehouse, things like this which cut short the amazing contributions these people had the potential to continue making to the future of mankind.

And yet in spite of all this, I feel like a lead musket ball’s lodged in my chest, my stomach at this Ravens loss, I feel more grief than I did for a lot of the above very-real losses and why? Because some guys I never knew didn’t put a piece of leather across an imaginary line more than some other guys I never knew? Grow up.

But then what does it mean? Back to the fan question. We are fans because it gives us some sort of connection to something bigger than ourselves. We sacrifice our Sundays for months – because, at least for me, a Ravens game essentially ruins my ability to do anything on those most sacred of days off – spend money to buy t-shirts and jerseys, not to mention the thousands of dollars we spend in drinks and food at the various bars where we have to go to catch the game, all like some sort of bet that the team we back will not only fulfill some emotional connection but also emerge victorious, allowing this support to qualify us for celebration alongside our team. So they lost. So what? There’s always next year. Albeit Ray Lewis will be older but he’s got at least one more season in him. And Ed Reed – hell, he has to have one more good season because he only showed up for half of this one. And Ray Rice, yes running backs have limited careers but he’s goin’ franchise, baby. Suggs will hopefully step up during the off-season and get over the dismal performance he put on after Ray Ray returned, Ball So Hard instead of Ball so Soft. And pretty much everybody else is in the primes of their lives and careers.

For me, it feels a bit like a marathon runner who ran 25 miles and then collapsed, so close yet not across the line. If we’d won I could’ve rested for the next 8 months, a winner, without having to anticipate the next chance like I am now (and we looked so fucking good! This was our year, who knows what might happen next year – Indianapolis knows what I’m talking about).  Last night I said I felt like I wasted all that time and emotion this Fall. But during the weeks it was fun, it gave me something to break from my routine, something to look forward to which didn’t require too much money or effort. Especially while we’ve been having such an abysmally snow-free winter in the mountains. There’s a certain gratification to care about something so frivolous and that’s the beauty of it all – the loss hurts but there’s always a next game, another chance, and hell, it’s not like anybody died. Some dudes who get paid millions of dollars to exercise and play games for a living beat some other dudes who get paid millions of dollars to exercise and play games for a living. The pain I feel now is irrational, especially compared to that very real pain of death, estrangement, and personal failure. Which is great. To feel a real emotion without any REAL consequences. In a week it’ll be like I never felt this bad. Actually, maybe it’ll be two. I mean fuck, this was the season we beat the Steelers TWICE!

I have a friend who told me that he knows a woman who in her 40's found out she had breast cancer, fought it, and won; a year later her daughter was diagnosed with cancer, fought it and lost. He said that whenever he feels like he's in a horrible situation, whenever things get bad he thinks of that and it immediately helps him put his own troubles in perspective. I mean, when you look at it that way, it shouldn't matter one damn bit that a bunch of dudes wearing tight pants and gates on their heads lost to a bunch of other dudes dressed similarly but with different colors. Perspective.

We lost. And it hurts, hurts so goddamn much. But anybody who doesn’t know loss is somebody I pity because without loss victory isn’t as good; without failure we don’t learn. If there was a man who’d never known the painful sensation of loss, I’d pity him because he’d probably be one of the most boring,  joyless people on earth.  

So I guess the point of this is to accept the loss. Stew in it a little. Breathe it in to let you know you’re alive, that you can feel things; that in this increasingly detached life, feeling something, even if it’s misery, even if it’s irrational, is better than feeling nothing. If you're gonna try and get the most out of this short life, you'll experience a lot of loss and heartbreak. Embrace it. Because without the sour, nothing would be sweet and certainly nothing worth having comes easy.

Though it woulda been nice if Lee Evans had caught that pass or Cundiff had made that goddamn field goal.

- Ryan

Conference Championship- Cry, Fly, Die, and Eli

Lock-Street Conference Finals


Suggs vs. Uggs




In what has turned into a closer rivalry then many think, the Baltimore Ravens will go against the New England Patriots on Sunday. Why has this game turned into such a rivalry you might ask? For starts the last several games between the two teams have been won by less then a touchdown. Also, in 2009 the highly favored Patriots played hosts to the Ravens only to get destroyed by the likes of Ray Rice and a stellar defense. Obviously this is a new year, and each year’s team has different pawns staged throughout the field so it is difficult to compare this playoff game to the game of 2009, but that win does provide the Ravens the confidence that they go into Foxborough and stop Brady and co.

Baltimore Ravens (+7) vs. New England Patriots- The Patriots offense clicked on all cylinders last week, leading to Tom Brady having the playoff game of his career. 6 TD’s. Are you kidding me? Their passing offense contains Wes “I wish I was a little bit taller” Welker, The Giant Nuke Gronkowski, and Pretty Boy Brady. They also have a formable two TE set that compliments the Gronk with Hernandez. Their passing game is potent and has the ability to rumble through each team, but that is all they have. The Patriots have the 31st worst defense in the NFL and no team has ever won a Super Bowl with a defense that bad. They have no running game. They are essentially 1 dimensional . Oh, and have I mentioned that they have not beaten a team with a winning record. Even the Shit-eating Broncos, who I have essentially trashed all year, ended with a .500 record entering the playoffs.

Now, on the other side lies the Black and Purple. Right now, they appear to have 1 kink, but that weakness is in the most important position on the field. Flacco and his Fumanchu have been through the most scrutiny of any 12-4 team in NFL history. Over the last four seasons, he has the most wins of any QB in NFL history and the most playoff wins as well, but he needs to play better. He has done enough to win over the last month, but merely being a game manager is not enough. He will need to maintain his composure in the pocket and ensure that he throws balls where his players have a chance to make a play. Besides him, the rest of the team is untouchable. Ray Rice IS the best RB in the NFL and they have the best defense of any team in the playoffs. They have also played 9 of the top 10 defenses in the NFL 11 times and have won all of those games. Let’s see what Flacco does against a defense full of gravediggers.

While comparing both teams, not only will the Ravens cover, but they have a true chance to win. There is nothing holding them back. These playoff road warriors know what it’s like to play big during the big games.

NFC Championship

Alex and Eli sing the blues



San Francisco 49’s vs. New York Giants (o42) - What else can you say about the job that Harbaugh has done getting his team competitive? This group of misfits has taken the NFL by storm and are currently 1 home game away from the most electrifying event in sports. In order to do that, the Big Red, will have to defeat a red hot G-men team. The Giants come off games where 1.) they decimated the best team during the regular season and 2.) they crushed a team with the best receiver combination. Their front 7 is finally playing back into the proper form and Eli Manning is still playing at his Elite Eli level. Only time will tell if Alex Smith will win the girl, hold it above his head, and proclaim, “I am not a bust”.

The Giants offense is made for big plays. Victor Cruz has undoubtedly become the breakout player of the year. It seems like he can take any 20 yard out into an 80 yard TD at any point in the game. Besides Victor, they have proven players Mario “Don’t confuse my last name with Eli’s” Manningham and Nicks. They also have a two headed monster behind the line if the Jacobs would stop Irish jigging behind the line.

The 49’s proved last week that they deserve to be where they are. There were still doubters after a great season, but Alex Smith and Vernon “The human boulder” Davis proved the world wrong. He stole the show even though his team was playing against the hottest offense in the NFL, with several epic catches including the game winner, in which afterwards he started to cry. A player making a big time catch in the traffic then crying afterwards in a 49’s jersey reminder remind you of anyone? Both teams have the weapons to put up points.

- Kyle

Sarah Burke Remembered - A Woman Who Should Inspire us All

Yes, this website is Man’s Ambition and yes, the main goal is to show the struggle male athletes, entertainers, businessmen and luminaries undergo while pursuing greatness, in some instances immortality or revolution.

But we know that the world doesn’t work like that; that is, in no way do we want to negate the struggles or the contributions of women to the improvement of our world. Especially today, women are pushing men in the arenas of sports, business, entertainment; what actor isn’t inspired to deliver a better performance after watching Meryl Streep. And while we constantly see the names of male CEO’s plastered across the papers for their improprieties and shady business practices, women like Irene Rosenfeld (CEO, Kraft), Indra Nooyi (CEO, PepsiCo), and Ellen Kullman (CEO, Dupont) have been expanding and diversifying their blue chip companies via splits, acquisitions, and R&D that many male CEO’s couldn't execute without breaking some sort of law or crossing some ethical boundaries. Along those lines, there is a young woman who just passed away who may never get the credit she deserves for her impact on sports.

 Sarah Burke was a sick skier. Not a sick female skier, a sick skier. Period

She’s won Women’s Superpipe X-Games gold 4 times and, just to add diversity, even won a silver once for shits and giggles. She was the first woman to bust a 1080 in the pipe, a trick nearly every man alive can’t do. She killed it in the pipe, park, big mountain, Sarah could do it all. And not to sound superficial but, well, she was hot. Like model FHM top-100 hot.

Not only that but when you watch the winter Olympics in Sochi and all anybody can talk about is the Skier Pipe events, you can give thanks to Sarah Burke. She was one of the people leading the charge to get it accepted into the stodgiest of sports institutions’ repertoire. Many people attribute the acceptance of Skier Superpipe into the 2014 Olympics to Sarah’s arguments. And she was considered the frontrunner for Olympic gold in spite of the fact that it was 2 years off. She’s like the Shaun White of Women’s skierpipe, heads and shoulders above the rest, busting tricks most of her competitors could only dream of.

She slammed hard training in Park City last week, on the same pipe, in fact, on which Kevin Pearce busted himself while attempting a double cork, prompting all sorts of rise and call from outsiders who have no idea about these sports. No doubt this will give them another chance to chime in about the death risk inherent in these sports. She split an artery to her head and went into surgery but after a week was declared brain dead.

Which reminds me, her family could use a little help with this. The purity of extreme sports is part of what makes it beautiful. It isn’t all restricted by overlarge governing bodies with a million rules and strict competitive uniforms. There’s a nostalgic essence inherent in these competitors in the fact that they literally risk their lives not for multi-million dollar contracts or private jets and self-winding Rolexes and powder blue Bentleys but for their love of the sport, the progression of what is possible not only for a skier but for a human. As such, when a tragedy like this befalls one of these super-committed athletes, they don’t have the NFL to pay millions of dollars for their medical care and compensate the people they love.

It’s not a job but a lifestyle. Unlike a baseball player who steps off the field and becomes just a rich guy with huge forearms, a skier is always a skier, wearing a lot of the same clothes they ski in day in and day out, a lot of them engaging in their sport upwards of 300 days a year. And man or woman, the passion and innovation exemplified by these athletes is unrivaled in any other professional athletics. These sports are evolving in leaps and bounds. As such, tragedies happen. The point of this isn’t to dwell on her death, to talk about the risks and give fodder to the people who will no doubt be asking the Olympics et al to change the safety precautions on these sports. If they did such, they would be insulting Sarah Burke and what she gave her life for.

The point of this is to let you all know about a special woman who pushed the wide world of winter sports forward. An innovator, an athlete, and a champion. A woman who set an example towards which all of us men should aspire.

- Ryan

Palin Turns Down HBO - But Maybe She'd Do My Political Show

HBO's producing a new movie, GAME CHANGE, about the '08 elections in which several women had very real chances to be elected president of the United States, and in which a black man emerged as the victor and made history of his own. Similar to their acclaimed movie RECOUNT about the 2000 race, this movie is certain to be a professional, as-unbiased-as-possible account of an important moment in modern American history with HBO's award-winning pedigree to guarantee it will be as professional and well-done a telling as humanly possible. It's especially interesting to us here at MAN'S AMBITION because it's supposed to be about how politics and entertainment blended more in 2008 than in any time in our history and, most likely, was just a bellwether of what is to come.

So to try and be as professional and non-partisan as possible, the directors and writers wanted to conduct interviews with as many people as possible on both sides of the fence. That included Sarah Palin, a central figure to the drama due to the fact that, for all intents and purposes, her qualifications to be the leader of the free world were almost completely a machination of the media.

Well it seems Palin turned down HBO. Maybe she's afraid of the fact that anything else she says could very easily make her seem like even more of an idiot than she already is. Or perhaps she doesn't want to be seen supporting something which the liberal media will no doubt turn around to make her look stupid,  like that whole "I can see Russia from Alaska" thing or not being able to articulate the Bush doctrine. This is a damn shame because, with the super-talented Julianne Moore playing Palin, every bit of input fro the politico-cum-media-darling could only improve Moore's performance, especially when they have such moments as Moore playing Palin watching Tina Fey play Palin on SNL (whoa, trippy).

Well, Sarah, I guess it's our loss, surely. However, perhaps this is a sign Hollywood is going about this whole thing wrong. Maybe what we need are some fictional shows BASED on real political characters and scenarios but with that tinseltown magic to make it more interesting. Here are my ideas:

1. SARAH AND BARBARA - LaVerne and Shirley remade for the modern political woman. Sarah Palin and Barbara Bachman are elected to the White House and after a "Schlamiel Schlamozzle" skip down the White House lawn, they set those zany girls loose in the throne of power. Hilarity ensues. Look for Palin's crook husband to show up in a leather jacket with greased hair to provide much-needed weaselly wisecracks.

2. THE ODD COUPLE OF DEREGULATORS - Slick Willy Clinton and George W. Bush lose their homes in the housing crisis, a result of their heedless de-regulation, and end up having to share an apartment in Texarkana. Bill parties with strippers until the wee hours of the morning, an endless orgy of weed and booze while George W. pines over the girl who got away Laura and tries to stay off the sauce. Bill learns about responsibility while W. learns to loosen up. Party on, Willy.

3. FRESH PRINCE OF D.C. - Barack and Michelle take in a wayward teen, Michelle's nephew from the South Side of Chicago, played by rap star Lil Wayne. He's soon the man amidst all those stiff ambassador's children and future-senators in Washington D.C., often to the exasperation of his busy and powerful uncle Barack. Look for guest appearances from Joe Biden's grandkids as Wayne's square white admirers. Season 1's very special episode will have Wayne getting lost on DC's confusing roads and driving a few miles from the white house into a ghetto that makes my hometown Baltimore's worst spots look nice. He realizes that a lot of work is still left to do for Uncle Barry.

4. BIGGER LOVE - Mitt Romney gets elected to the white house and, in a plot twist ripped from the hit HBO show BIG LOVE, reveals he had actually stayed faithful to the original teachings of the prophet Joseph Smith and moves his 3 wives and 10 children into the White House. He then has to balance being a loving father and husband to 13 people with being the leader of the free world. The first wife wants more of a role in policy, the middle one resents never getting to go to White House functions or meet celebrities, and the youngest one wants to party at Georgetown. Yes, I know he is a member of the LDS and they don't endorse plural marriage. That's what makes this FICTION. And of course there will be a very special episode in which he lobbies with his Mormon brethren to ban gay marriage, as happened in California in 2008.

5. HOMO IMPROVEMENT - Rick Santorum plays a loving American father trying to raise his kids in a crazy world he understands less and less. Watch the episode in which he explains to his oldest son, who asks dear old dad why he's attracted to other boys in his class, that gay love is on par with men having sex with dogs or little boys. This battle against insidious homosexuality will actually be a driving force of season 1. Or the laugh riot when his daughter tries to tell him we evolved from monkeys over millions of years - "Honey, that's so silly, the world's only 6000 years old!" As an added bonus, Gingrich will play his old next door neighbor who teaches Santorum the finer points of stoking conservative fires and talking political rhetoric. Guaranteed to appeal to the wholesome, American families the liberal right has been trying to mislead with their "facts" and "science".

I think we're on to something here. I mean, who needs to invent new characters. American politics provides enough amusement and comedy to keep us entertained for years to come.

- Ryan

Kyle's Lock-Street: The Divisional Round

This innocuous season has started to really devour the mentally weak and unskilled team, leaving only those that have the fortitude to reach the Lombardi summit. Each team in the playoffs have proven their worth but now they fight for more than just respect. Each team has their strengths and weaknesses, but it comes to which team’s strength can overcome their weakness and, of course, which team simply wants it more. The players are set, the fans are ready, and the lights are on. Besides possibly March Madness, there is no better tournament then the NFL playoffs. With the unpredictability of all professional playoffs, especially as proven last week, I think it would be fully appropriate to  gamble on it.

Saturday games

4:30pm

Saints (-3) Vs. 49’s- We all know the 49’s are a great team. They demand respect and have proven to be one of the toughest defenses in the NFL. Jim Harbaugh has taken this team and given them some much-needed swagger. That said, no defense can contain Drew Brees right now. Does anyone else see his resemblance to Aaron Rodgers from last year? This man is literally unstoppable and from the immortal words of NBA Jam, “He’s on Fire.” Now, let me set the record straight. He will not have the game that he had last week since the 49’s D is significantly better; however, the rejuvenated Alex Smith will not be able to compete when this inevitably turns into a shootout. Even though the Saint’s defense is not that strong, it’s good enough to keep a team from going punch for punch with their galaxy-renowned offense. 49’s will surely lose this game by more than 2 TD’s, even at home.

8:00pm

New England vs. the Broncos (u50.5) - Denver’s fire power against a depleted defense that underestimated them was an anomaly. There is no way that the evil genius will develop a scheme that leaves so many holes in the secondary. Since the Patriot’s defense is the second worse in the entire NFL, I foresee a cover 2 defense with safeties lining up deep. They are a running team first and foremost and everyone knows that, but with Tebow’s lack of accuracy, there is no way the Broncos will be able to cut through this defense with a surgeon-like precision. You cannot stop the run without giving up big plays, so if they MAINTAIN their run game and at the minimum ELIMINATE the big plays, the Patriots will win and keep the Broncos under 2 touchdowns. The question is if Gronk, God’s Nephew, and Minnie Me can be stopped. The only chance of this Over hitting is if the Patriots douse this hardnosed Broncos defense.

Sunday Games

1:00pm

Baltimore (-7.5) vs the Texans- While the Texans looked strong last week, they beat a young, over-achieving team that does not have the determination to win a playoff game. Don’t get me wrong. I think the Texans are a good team with a lot of strengths. They should be wearing the AFC South crown for years to come with players such as Mario, Cushing, Schaub, Foster, Johnson, and even back-up running back Tate. Even with an unbelievable amount of injuries to top tier players, they backed their way into the dance by dominating an underachieving AFC south. If you think that the Ravens defense, full of veteran future hall of famers (Lewis, Reed, Ngata, and Suggs), are going to look like the abysmal Bungels, then you are wrong. They’ll do what they’ve done all year long and that is to dominate the line while beating the living piss out of QB’s. Now, while the Texans’ defense is ranked second in the NFL, the Ravens are no stranger to tough defenses. They have played the best defense in the NFL twice (winning both games), and played every top 10 defense in 2011 besides the Eagles. For god sakes, the Ravens swept the best division in football. Enough said.  Watch for the reasons they’ll win this by 10 points.

4:30pm

Giants (+7.5) vs. Packers- The spread started at 9 at the beginning of the week and has trickled down 2.5 points. This is still too high. There is no doubt in my mind that a rested Packers home team will win this game. I just feel that the G-men are clicking on all cylinders right now. This game will come down to a field goal. Can you picture it now: the Giants tie the game with 2:10 left on the clock. Rodgers gets the ball with a little over 2 left and 2 timeouts on his own 30. The Packers O-line mans up and Rodgers slashes the Giant’s defense, completing each pass to perfection while the clock continues to tick. With the clock down to 20 seconds, Mason Crosby will step out and hit a 28 yard field goal crushing the Giant’s hopes and dreams.  If this happens, I demand some serious ass-kissing. The Giants d-line is looking hungry and Rodgers will take his licks, but the most efficient QB in the game will not be phased. Unless the Giants get instant pressure, Nelson, Jennings, and Jermichael will have a field day with this subpar second rate secondary. Let me not forget to mention Eli Manning since he has won me over this year. With Manningham coming back to compliment Cruz and Nicks, their offense can play with the best of them, which is the only reason this game will be tight. The tragedy of their offensive coordinator can swing the mentality of the team either way and therefore should not be mentioned.

 - Kyle

Seemingly Unimportant Decision of the Week: Hue Should Know Better

Seemingly Unimportant Decision of the Week: Hue Should Know Better

I’ve never coached anything (with the exception of that lax camp in ‘03 and that soccer camp in ‘98). I only recently really started to really fall in love with pro football. And I firmly believe the only good Raiders teams were the John Madden gasoline-and-drug-fueled bruisers of the 70’s (check out Playboy's October 2009 issue).

And in spite of all that, I knew what Hue Jackson did talking shit on his team after their pathetic loss to the Chargers January 1st was wrong.

As a coach, you’re responsible for your team. YOU are the one who gives them the mental fortitude to succeed. YOU are the one who makes sure their muscles are tuned like an Italian sportscar. YOU are the one responsible for inspiring them to victory. And if your team loses, even if every player on your team disappointed you, YOU are the one who takes the blame, at least to the outside world.

Hue Jackson’s rant about how pissed off he is at his team was the definition of bush league. “Classless” is another word for it. How can you blame the performance of your players against your own innocence when just across the bay Jim Harbaugh is sitting atop the division with a team of nobodies?

Maybe Hue thought, in his cracked mind, that this would motivate them to play better next year. Maybe he thought this would convince ownership to give him more control, one of his key points in his tirade after their embarrassing loss to a weak San Diego Chargers on the first day of 2012. Or maybe he felt that just lettin’ ‘er rip, ranting whatever emotions he was feeling at the time, would revolutionize how coaches handle press conferences. Sure, because they played like shit the Raiders were replaced by the Broncos in the playoffs and everybody knows he wasn't the one half-assing it between the endzones. But whatever his unsound logic, he couldn’t have realized how huge of a hypocritical dick he sounded ragging on his team after what was unquestionably a miserable loss. Could he?

On Tuesday, Reggie Kenzie’s first action as new GM was to fire 1^st-year-coach Hue Jackson.

As former Raiders coach Rich Gannon said on his Sirius NFL show, “Hue Jackson went ballistic at his postgame press conference. Those comments were heard around the league. I think they surprised some people. And not only that, but his comments about moving forward how he would have more control, and he'd want more control and want to do more things in terms of the personnel. I think when you listen to those comments, and you are Reggie McKenzie, and you're coming in you say to yourself, 'Wait a second, this is not how we're going to do business.' And I'm not surprised with the change."

Now to be fair there might have been other factors. Often new Management brings in its own people. Even more, the Raiders this last year WERE a disappointing team, finishing 8-8, though a 50-50 record hardly seems like a fireable offence. While we can never know how important those factors, one thing is glaringly clear: Nobody wants to pay or play for a coach who badmouths his players to the world. 

Hue’s SUD of the Week: Throwing a tantrum in front of the national sporting press. 

Here’s a speech to memorize for the next press conference you attend after your team loses (if you ever get another coaching job):

“Today was certainly a disappointment. Obviously we have a lot to work on, myself included. I take responsibility for my guys and rest assured we'll be changing some things for next season.” Perhaps say something about not having done enough as Coach to prepare your team for the game (see Mike Tomlin’s speech after Pittsburgh lost to Denver last Sunday). Then you walk away and tear your team a new asshole in the privacy of your locker room.

Hue should know better.

- Ryan

MYSPACE TV: News Corp’s $500 M loss becomes the future of Entertainment?

The future of entertainment, sure. But first, a quick history lesson:

Long before anybody knew who Mark Zuckerberg was, everybody was becoming friends with Tom.

7 years ago (Jesus I’m old) I lived in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, nestled snugly into a cocoon without regular internet and email much less networking sites. When I came down from the hill to work for a surf company, all the lowlanders made fun of me for not having heard of this MySpace thing. In turn, I made fun of them for messing around with something like that, what with it “Girl’s dorm” ambiance and how much it seemed to be just a time-suck. Within a few months I set my first MySpace page. A month after that I learned how to code my background. A month after that NewsCorp. bought Intermix media (MySpace’s parent company) And within a year I, among many others, was championing it as the future of marketing and networking within youth and hip culture.

Tom was the figurehead of MySpace, a cool geek who was also your first friend when you signed up to the site. A co-worker of mine, while we were on a promotional surf tour, showed me how he could use his MySpace page to find people in the local area with shared interests, even going so far as to pick up girls over the site. Soon I was friends with hundreds of scantily-clad nubile building followings and internet presences via sexy half-naked pictures plastered all over their MySpace pages (Forbidden comes to mind, and mini-drunk Tila Tequila actually got her own reality show from her MySpace popularity, 16 minutes ago).

At the same time all my friends still in college had started using this thing Facebook. The next year, with MySpace still king, Facebook finally dropped the requirement that its users have a “.edu” email address. In 2008 I lobbied the teen retailer I was working for at the time to meet with the MySpace folks about buying a sponsored page as a marketing expense. It came to tens of thousands of dollars a month and so we took a more organic approach, created a false “personality” who repped our brand through the site and hoped the MySpace police didn’t bust us for being a corporate entity without a formal sponsorship (yes, they had such rules back then - and might still do).

Articles started coming out talking about how Facebook was for jocks and geeks, professionals and "goody two-shoes" while MySpace was for artists and free spirits as it allowed greater customization of the page, allowed people to add playlists to their pages from a massive database that included every artist from super-mogul Jay-Z to a ratty little local group like TheBrass Uncle Band. I remember making fun of some of my Irish friends for leaving Bebo for Facebook instead of MySpace. I think I said something about them being “squares”.

Of course I again ate my words (admittedly I’m mostly a luddite and have no illusions otherwise – my goal in life is to someday have nothing but a rotary phone and a hard line Internet connection to the outside world). By Spring 2009 I checked my MySpace page once a month, at most, just to make sure I wasn’t missing anything. And I wasn’t. My Facebook page, on the other hand, had become a form of communication and networking on par with my email.

I signed into my MySpace page once or twice in the past 2 years, mostly to pull off the old pictures I’d loaded into my profile and lost when my computer crashed. Oh, and I think I looked up a song to play at work (before Spotify, of course).

This last June, MySpace sold for $35M to ad company SpecificMedia and during the big announcement, Specific kept on touting the fact that Justin Timberlake, in an ironic play of life imitating art (in case you were under a rock last year, he played Napster founder Sean Parker, a co-owner of Facebook, in the movie THE SOCIAL NETWORK), was a co-owner of the foundering social networking company and had some ideas about what to do with their millions of songs and mostly inactive accounts.

But now it's time to put the past behind us, goddammit. It's 2012. It's time to cast our eyes stoically towards the future.

Just yesterday, at the Consumer Electronics show that new idea was unveiled by the bearded Mr. Timberlake-Biel-to-be himself. 

“The future of Myspace is about what you’re going to do. About who you’re going to become. Myspace TV is the first foray into that future."

MySpace TV? In the immortal words of Borat, “Whaaaaa?”

"We're ready to take television and entertainment to the next step by upgrading it to the social networking experience. Why text or email your friends to talk about your favorite programs after they've aired when you could be sharing the experience with real-time interactivity from anywhere across the globe?" the boy-bander-cum-legitimate-pop-star continued.

MySpace.com had this to say about its new venture:

"Myspace TV: a new dimension to television
This spring Myspace will bring you a new way to experience all the shows you love. With a growing line up of broadcast and on-demand programs, Myspace TV puts you in control. Whether you're watching on a TV, laptop, tablet or smartphone, Myspace TV allows you to discover, share and comment on all the programs you and your friends are watching.

Making TV Social
Let's face it, TV is best when shared. From the big game, to the red carpet or just the latest episode of your favorite show, Myspace TV makes TV social. Find out what's hot, what's trending, what your friends are watching or even what your favorite celebrity just commented on. Why just 'watch' TV when you can experience TV? Myspace TV gives you more information about your favorite shows, videos and artists, and provides you real-time engagement with your friends to get you closer to the shows you love.

It Starts with Music
With the largest library of music, including more than 42 million songs and over 100,000 videos, Myspace TV begins with music. Launching with a wide range of music channels, we are working hard to add more broadcast and original programming to the line up all the time."

And how will they build on that? Reportedly a partnership with Panasonic will facilitate expansion but since Panasonic is in no way, shape, or form a content producer, how the fuck will that help? They'll provide a new set-top box to buy that would allow us to watch MySpace on our flat screens but how will they get the rights for TV programming, especially as more networks get protective over the shows that cost them tens of millions of dollars and every year bring in less and less ad revenue? What good is a set top box delivering little more than the "Sexy Back" video and open domain PBS programming?

It’s ambitious, I’ll give them that. And it makes sense that MySpace, which originally started out as a place where new bands could network and share their music with a larger audience (before MySpace shifted their focus to signing up teenage girls who just wanted to post pictures of themselves in the underwear), return to its original mission, entertainment innovation through proletariat connectivity. Hell, that’s been the key to this multi-billion user-generated-content/social networking thing, whether you’re talking about opinionated amateurs able to share their opinions with the world via blogs, protesters who can gather together several thousand people with one Tweet, musicians who can email a link to their demos instead of having to dub dozens of mixtapes and send them around town or dancers who can create a try-out without having to wait in line for hours outside Millenium Dance Complex. 

My wife likes to watch football games and give commentary; more often it’s a reference to the sizes of linemen’s asses or how she only likes football now because the yellow lines give her something to look forward to. If this site works as they’re promising and we can watch games with friends from all over, I could see her becoming a bit like Fred Willard in BEST IN SHOW, a voice that extends beyond the primary (in this case male-dominated) audience to women who never much cared for football. Maybe this could give women a forum to discuss the ancillaries while their husbands and boyfriends scream at the TV.

Or at the least I can talk to my dad and my brothers and my wife’s childhood friends as we all tune into another epic Ravens game. 

And I can talk to my brother in NY as we catch a new episode of IT’S ALWAYS SUNNY. Or my marketing friends in Orange County as we catch the new season of MAD MEN in March. Or at least that seems to be what they’re trying to do.

And Facebook was reported as having lost 6 million US and Canadian users in June. Maybe it’s a general backlash against having one’s whole life open for the world to view and intrude. Maybe it’s because Facebook has lost its cool factor ever since it became as omnipresent as email and Wall Street demons began preparing to package it like mortgage-backed securities (imagine if their $100 Billion IPO value drops to $6 Billion a la MySpace – a $94 Billion loss of wealth would sure turn around this recovery pretty damn quick). Or maybe it’s because the Internet moves fast and Facebook’s had a PRETTY, pretty good run. 

Either way, MySpace TV, as proposed, could actually revolutionize the way we watch, digest, and discuss media. Wait, I thought Netflix did that? No, Hulu, that’s the ticket, yeah. Wait, what about GoogleTV?

With Timberlake, MySpace, and even the suits from Specific EXTREMELY vague, it leads me to believe right now they’re writing a check and hoping they have enough in the account when it hits. And if we learned anything from Google’s struggles in this area (and they have Sony behind them, a content creator as well as reigning king of entertainment technology), well, all I can say is good luck, MySpace. Good luck.

Though maybe first you want to redesign that logo. What's with that ugly symbol for a space replacing the word "Space"? What idiot in your creative department thought adding a hieroglyph into your name would somehow RAISE MySpace's hip quotient? Who do you think you are, MySpace, Prince?

- Ryan

Tuesday Sports Hangover

The After Life

BCS championship



Last night’s game can be summed up in 1 word. Boring. I mean, it was painful to watch. As a die-hard sports fan and a compulsive gambler with a lot of money riding on the game, it was difficult to watch. I know a defensive struggle was expected, but this was just absurd. Granted the defenses were tenacious, but there were opportunities that neither team was able to capitalize on. I mean Jeremy Shelley is the MVP of the game, and he's the 'Bama place kicker. Jordan Jefferson sucks, by the way. He's like Cam Newton only not good. At least he made a body shattering tackle.



NFL Playoffs



1) Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. Tebow. I wonder if anyone has ever heard of this guy before this week. He played 1 great game against a team that overestimated him. Awesome. That warrants a Twitter record breaking 9500 tweets that included his name. No matter how bad you are, if you are in the NFL as a QB, then you should be able to at least throw the ball. I mean this man was a first string QB. A first string better play this well. Against a defense that fudge packed everyone close to the line, he had the freedom to air the ball out. Granted he did throw for 316 yards, but he only completed 10 passes which means he was finding open people deep. He had a good game, I will give him that, but as Ray Lewis says, “Blind cat will find a meal every once in a while.” The mark of a good QB is being able to throw those long bombs but also those short precision passes. He can’t throw a precision pass consistently to save his life. If victories like this happened frequently I would call him skilled but one good game equivocates luck. I’m sure the Pats will not overestimate him and make him look like the QB he was in week 17. Apparently Brady has the “Scoop” on him.

2) Even non-football fans should watch Drew Brees. He is the shortest QB in the league besides maybe Vick; he is a humble winner who truly appreciates his community as much as it appreciates him, his players love him, and he came back from a bad knee injury that caused the Chargers to get rid of him. Now, he's one of the best QB’s ever. Yup, I said it. We all know that he dominated Marino’s record. In a wildcard matchup that included two of the most potent offenses in the game, he threw for 466 yards and 3 TDs. I don’t care who they're going against. If he plays like that the Saints win. It’s that simple.

3) Megatron lives up to his name. Calvin Johnson made a statement that he is the better of the Johnsons. He made key plays all game and proved once again that triple coverage is not enough. This man/myth/legend had 211 receiving yards. Watching him play is like watching Godzilla on a pound of blow. Unstoppable.



4) The Bungals are not mentally tough. They made the playoffs which is a recognizable achievement for a team predicted to end up last in the NFL. The issue is they are young, dumb, and full of cu… Nah, they just don’t have the proper leadership to get them amped. The regular season is one thing. If you want to be with the elite, you have to beat elite. The Texans bent them put it deep in them. Dalton and crew have a solid starting point, but until this team can win a game in the playoffs, they will never be a true threat.

5) Are the G-men doing a reenactment of the year 2007? They sure looked like it against a decent Falcons teams. They destroyed Matt Ryan with a powerful front 7, similar to 2007. They ran the ball well similar to 2007. They are peaking at the right time, similar to 2007. The only difference is that they have the Packers then most likely the Saints to clobber through. Dear G-men, you proved to yourself to be a formable opponent, and while Eli had a great year; his last name is not Brees or Rodgers. Hit the bench pal.


6) The Steelers looked like a deer in headlights. If you saw Hines Ward on the sidelines, his look of confusion told the entire story. They looked tired and the biggest person at fault is wearing the headset. Was Tomlin napping all week? He did not get his team ready for this at all.

7) Ben Roethlisberger is the toughest QB in the NFL. Nuff’ said. It was apparent that one leg-Magee was playing without half of his body. Throughout the game, you could tell that he was in excruciating pain. Imagine getting your back waxed. Fuck. When all of the doubters thought it was over, he lead his team to an epic comeback that would have added to his already storied history. You could picture him bringing them back, and then winning in OT. There are not a lot of pig tossers that you could say that you really thought would come back. If Tebow is a man of God, then Big Ben is a man of Satan. There was definitely a higher being holding him together.

- Kyle

Fu@# La Nina, Make it Snow On your TV

Found this pic on BS report. Just givin' credit where it's due.

It’s January 6^th, 2012. 

The current snow cover in Squaw Valley, a world class mountain resort in legendary Lake Tahoe:  12 inches.

The snowpack in Vail, CO:  18 inches

Stowe, VT: ~ 24 inches

Park City, UT: 20 inches

That’s right, nearly everywhere in the country is too dry and too warm to have snow to ski or ride. As a snowboarding addict, this is more than just a bummer. This is a problem that sends a man into near-catatonic depression. For any other powderhounds out there without the time and/or money to jump a flight to BC or China, this is shaping up to be a ROUGH winter. So, just as most Americans watch movies and TV shows to escape the monotony of their everyday lives, so too can us ski bum wannabes get some second-hand kicks through the world of ski flicks (or, as sometimes affectionately termed, “snow porn”).

Here’s a rundown of a few ski and snowboard flicks guaranteed to tide you over until this La Nina bitch lets a few flakes drop or you win that trip to Whistler:

MOST EPIC SCRIPTED SKI MOVIE:

Honestly, forget John Cusack and, unless you feel nostalgia for the 1960 Squaw Winter Olympics, forget DOWNHILL RACER. You want drama, epic skiing, and sweet 90’s flare? You want to see action superstar director Peter Berg as a cokehead sidekick? Do you want TOP GUN on the slopes? You absolutely have to watch ASPEN EXTREME. Nearly biblical for all us kids who left our shitty local mountains to live in a legit Western ski town, this movie never gets old. It’s cheesy but in a good “leave your shitty life and go for broke” way. It has a powerful junior cougar. And the woman from MEET THE PARENTS as a hot young outdoorsy Aspen chick. If you consider yourself a skier (or a snowboarder) and you haven’t seen this movie you should be ashamed.

FANTASTIC AND FUNNY SCRIPTED SNOWBOARDERS :

I’ll admit, they still haven’t nailed down the whole “extreme” thing. It’s tough for Hollywood execs to get beyond the bro-ness of it all and actually show what a transcendentalist counter culture the snowboarding world is. And if you spend your life in a city filled with smog, more plastic surgery than Barbie stepping on a landmine, and surrounded by people on a neverending quest for being able to flash status and wealth in other people’s faces, then there's a strong possibility this simple-minded snowboarder life will seem a bit silly. As, from a certain point of view, maybe it does. And if said is true, you’ll probably trivialize it with this CASABLANCA on snow spoof, OUT COLD. But what it lacks in depth it makes up with some epic riding from the Forum 8 (especially Devun Walsh) and an unknown Zach Galiafanakis opposite a never-better David Koechner and the guy who dated Pam the first few seasons of THE OFFICE.

MAD URBAN SNOWBOARDING:

Some of you might not know this but there’s a burgeoning undercurrent in the snowboarding world and it’s the blending of irreverent street-skating through the wreckage and infrastructure of the industrial era with the versatility and “anything is possible” snowboarding world, sometimes called “urban jibbing”. Nowhere is this artistic and athletic explosion of grit and architecture with hip hop style and snow better explored than via the Finger on Da Trigger (FODT) crew. Led by legend Marc Frank Montoya, you are guaranteed to be blown away by HARD TO EARN, FAMILIA, or the upcoming FAMILIA II. Once you watch, you'll understand what the baggy-pants snowboarders mean when you hear them say "Gooner's so sick." And who knows, if you’re stuck on the family ski trip with little more than 6 inches of crud, maybe it’ll inspire you to get creative.

MIND-BLOWING SKIING:

Matchstick Productions every year puts out a sick new ski movie and this year is no exception. With the best skiers in the world, the finest camera gear, and skis sick enough to give you a wet dream (thus the “snow porn” description), MSP’s ATTACK OF LA NINA, apart from being appropriately named for the horror that bitch has dropped now, is overstuffed with the deepest pow you could imagine. So much that maybe , just maybe, if you watch it enough a little bit of the white stuff will start falling this year.

MIND-BLOWING SNOWBOARDING:

Travis Rice is the Aaron Rodgers of snowboarding. Never got the media attention and, seemingly never really cared about it. Just goes out there, does the job better than everybody, looks tougher doing it while the big pretty boy dates supermodels and does cologne ads (Shaun White is Tom Brady in this analogy) and goes home, job well done. You need to watch ART OF FLIGHT if you’re a snowboarder. Nuff said.

THE SEARCH FOR ADVENTURE:

Jeremy Jones is not only the Godfather of big mountain extreme snowboarding, he’s also the man still shaping and pushing it forward. Last year he released DEEPER with legendary big mountain snow video company TGR, a movie charting his attempts to ride far off the beaten trail into uncharted terrain that’s never been ridden. His ulterior motive is to prove to people that all the fossil fuels burnt in those damn helis can be avoided with just a bit more work while letting you go where no boarder’s gone before. Equal parts snowboarding/mountain climbing/winter survival movie (wait until you see what happens when they get snowed into their tents), this movie might just be the kicker in getting you to max out that credit card and go out to do something totally amazing. And here's a little taste of what's coming up next fall:

Shit, I’m already feeling colder just writing this. So get on Netflix, Amazon, whatever and get these flicks. Pray for snow. Cut down on your carbon footprint (Global Warming’s not helping La Nina, that’s for sure).  And have hope, goddammit. Because if this winter continues as is, I might have to throw my neck onto an edge sharpener.

-          - Ryan