Palin Turns Down HBO - But Maybe She'd Do My Political Show

HBO's producing a new movie, GAME CHANGE, about the '08 elections in which several women had very real chances to be elected president of the United States, and in which a black man emerged as the victor and made history of his own. Similar to their acclaimed movie RECOUNT about the 2000 race, this movie is certain to be a professional, as-unbiased-as-possible account of an important moment in modern American history with HBO's award-winning pedigree to guarantee it will be as professional and well-done a telling as humanly possible. It's especially interesting to us here at MAN'S AMBITION because it's supposed to be about how politics and entertainment blended more in 2008 than in any time in our history and, most likely, was just a bellwether of what is to come.

So to try and be as professional and non-partisan as possible, the directors and writers wanted to conduct interviews with as many people as possible on both sides of the fence. That included Sarah Palin, a central figure to the drama due to the fact that, for all intents and purposes, her qualifications to be the leader of the free world were almost completely a machination of the media.

Well it seems Palin turned down HBO. Maybe she's afraid of the fact that anything else she says could very easily make her seem like even more of an idiot than she already is. Or perhaps she doesn't want to be seen supporting something which the liberal media will no doubt turn around to make her look stupid,  like that whole "I can see Russia from Alaska" thing or not being able to articulate the Bush doctrine. This is a damn shame because, with the super-talented Julianne Moore playing Palin, every bit of input fro the politico-cum-media-darling could only improve Moore's performance, especially when they have such moments as Moore playing Palin watching Tina Fey play Palin on SNL (whoa, trippy).

Well, Sarah, I guess it's our loss, surely. However, perhaps this is a sign Hollywood is going about this whole thing wrong. Maybe what we need are some fictional shows BASED on real political characters and scenarios but with that tinseltown magic to make it more interesting. Here are my ideas:

1. SARAH AND BARBARA - LaVerne and Shirley remade for the modern political woman. Sarah Palin and Barbara Bachman are elected to the White House and after a "Schlamiel Schlamozzle" skip down the White House lawn, they set those zany girls loose in the throne of power. Hilarity ensues. Look for Palin's crook husband to show up in a leather jacket with greased hair to provide much-needed weaselly wisecracks.

2. THE ODD COUPLE OF DEREGULATORS - Slick Willy Clinton and George W. Bush lose their homes in the housing crisis, a result of their heedless de-regulation, and end up having to share an apartment in Texarkana. Bill parties with strippers until the wee hours of the morning, an endless orgy of weed and booze while George W. pines over the girl who got away Laura and tries to stay off the sauce. Bill learns about responsibility while W. learns to loosen up. Party on, Willy.

3. FRESH PRINCE OF D.C. - Barack and Michelle take in a wayward teen, Michelle's nephew from the South Side of Chicago, played by rap star Lil Wayne. He's soon the man amidst all those stiff ambassador's children and future-senators in Washington D.C., often to the exasperation of his busy and powerful uncle Barack. Look for guest appearances from Joe Biden's grandkids as Wayne's square white admirers. Season 1's very special episode will have Wayne getting lost on DC's confusing roads and driving a few miles from the white house into a ghetto that makes my hometown Baltimore's worst spots look nice. He realizes that a lot of work is still left to do for Uncle Barry.

4. BIGGER LOVE - Mitt Romney gets elected to the white house and, in a plot twist ripped from the hit HBO show BIG LOVE, reveals he had actually stayed faithful to the original teachings of the prophet Joseph Smith and moves his 3 wives and 10 children into the White House. He then has to balance being a loving father and husband to 13 people with being the leader of the free world. The first wife wants more of a role in policy, the middle one resents never getting to go to White House functions or meet celebrities, and the youngest one wants to party at Georgetown. Yes, I know he is a member of the LDS and they don't endorse plural marriage. That's what makes this FICTION. And of course there will be a very special episode in which he lobbies with his Mormon brethren to ban gay marriage, as happened in California in 2008.

5. HOMO IMPROVEMENT - Rick Santorum plays a loving American father trying to raise his kids in a crazy world he understands less and less. Watch the episode in which he explains to his oldest son, who asks dear old dad why he's attracted to other boys in his class, that gay love is on par with men having sex with dogs or little boys. This battle against insidious homosexuality will actually be a driving force of season 1. Or the laugh riot when his daughter tries to tell him we evolved from monkeys over millions of years - "Honey, that's so silly, the world's only 6000 years old!" As an added bonus, Gingrich will play his old next door neighbor who teaches Santorum the finer points of stoking conservative fires and talking political rhetoric. Guaranteed to appeal to the wholesome, American families the liberal right has been trying to mislead with their "facts" and "science".

I think we're on to something here. I mean, who needs to invent new characters. American politics provides enough amusement and comedy to keep us entertained for years to come.

- Ryan