Fu@# La Nina, Make it Snow On your TV

Found this pic on BS report. Just givin' credit where it's due.

It’s January 6^th, 2012. 

The current snow cover in Squaw Valley, a world class mountain resort in legendary Lake Tahoe:  12 inches.

The snowpack in Vail, CO:  18 inches

Stowe, VT: ~ 24 inches

Park City, UT: 20 inches

That’s right, nearly everywhere in the country is too dry and too warm to have snow to ski or ride. As a snowboarding addict, this is more than just a bummer. This is a problem that sends a man into near-catatonic depression. For any other powderhounds out there without the time and/or money to jump a flight to BC or China, this is shaping up to be a ROUGH winter. So, just as most Americans watch movies and TV shows to escape the monotony of their everyday lives, so too can us ski bum wannabes get some second-hand kicks through the world of ski flicks (or, as sometimes affectionately termed, “snow porn”).

Here’s a rundown of a few ski and snowboard flicks guaranteed to tide you over until this La Nina bitch lets a few flakes drop or you win that trip to Whistler:

MOST EPIC SCRIPTED SKI MOVIE:

Honestly, forget John Cusack and, unless you feel nostalgia for the 1960 Squaw Winter Olympics, forget DOWNHILL RACER. You want drama, epic skiing, and sweet 90’s flare? You want to see action superstar director Peter Berg as a cokehead sidekick? Do you want TOP GUN on the slopes? You absolutely have to watch ASPEN EXTREME. Nearly biblical for all us kids who left our shitty local mountains to live in a legit Western ski town, this movie never gets old. It’s cheesy but in a good “leave your shitty life and go for broke” way. It has a powerful junior cougar. And the woman from MEET THE PARENTS as a hot young outdoorsy Aspen chick. If you consider yourself a skier (or a snowboarder) and you haven’t seen this movie you should be ashamed.

FANTASTIC AND FUNNY SCRIPTED SNOWBOARDERS :

I’ll admit, they still haven’t nailed down the whole “extreme” thing. It’s tough for Hollywood execs to get beyond the bro-ness of it all and actually show what a transcendentalist counter culture the snowboarding world is. And if you spend your life in a city filled with smog, more plastic surgery than Barbie stepping on a landmine, and surrounded by people on a neverending quest for being able to flash status and wealth in other people’s faces, then there's a strong possibility this simple-minded snowboarder life will seem a bit silly. As, from a certain point of view, maybe it does. And if said is true, you’ll probably trivialize it with this CASABLANCA on snow spoof, OUT COLD. But what it lacks in depth it makes up with some epic riding from the Forum 8 (especially Devun Walsh) and an unknown Zach Galiafanakis opposite a never-better David Koechner and the guy who dated Pam the first few seasons of THE OFFICE.

MAD URBAN SNOWBOARDING:

Some of you might not know this but there’s a burgeoning undercurrent in the snowboarding world and it’s the blending of irreverent street-skating through the wreckage and infrastructure of the industrial era with the versatility and “anything is possible” snowboarding world, sometimes called “urban jibbing”. Nowhere is this artistic and athletic explosion of grit and architecture with hip hop style and snow better explored than via the Finger on Da Trigger (FODT) crew. Led by legend Marc Frank Montoya, you are guaranteed to be blown away by HARD TO EARN, FAMILIA, or the upcoming FAMILIA II. Once you watch, you'll understand what the baggy-pants snowboarders mean when you hear them say "Gooner's so sick." And who knows, if you’re stuck on the family ski trip with little more than 6 inches of crud, maybe it’ll inspire you to get creative.

MIND-BLOWING SKIING:

Matchstick Productions every year puts out a sick new ski movie and this year is no exception. With the best skiers in the world, the finest camera gear, and skis sick enough to give you a wet dream (thus the “snow porn” description), MSP’s ATTACK OF LA NINA, apart from being appropriately named for the horror that bitch has dropped now, is overstuffed with the deepest pow you could imagine. So much that maybe , just maybe, if you watch it enough a little bit of the white stuff will start falling this year.

MIND-BLOWING SNOWBOARDING:

Travis Rice is the Aaron Rodgers of snowboarding. Never got the media attention and, seemingly never really cared about it. Just goes out there, does the job better than everybody, looks tougher doing it while the big pretty boy dates supermodels and does cologne ads (Shaun White is Tom Brady in this analogy) and goes home, job well done. You need to watch ART OF FLIGHT if you’re a snowboarder. Nuff said.

THE SEARCH FOR ADVENTURE:

Jeremy Jones is not only the Godfather of big mountain extreme snowboarding, he’s also the man still shaping and pushing it forward. Last year he released DEEPER with legendary big mountain snow video company TGR, a movie charting his attempts to ride far off the beaten trail into uncharted terrain that’s never been ridden. His ulterior motive is to prove to people that all the fossil fuels burnt in those damn helis can be avoided with just a bit more work while letting you go where no boarder’s gone before. Equal parts snowboarding/mountain climbing/winter survival movie (wait until you see what happens when they get snowed into their tents), this movie might just be the kicker in getting you to max out that credit card and go out to do something totally amazing. And here's a little taste of what's coming up next fall:

Shit, I’m already feeling colder just writing this. So get on Netflix, Amazon, whatever and get these flicks. Pray for snow. Cut down on your carbon footprint (Global Warming’s not helping La Nina, that’s for sure).  And have hope, goddammit. Because if this winter continues as is, I might have to throw my neck onto an edge sharpener.

-          - Ryan