YOUR ENTERTAINMENT GUIDE TO SURVIVING A HANGOVER

After a long day of drinking that inexplicably turns into a long night of partying, the only desire you have for the next day is to handle that hang-over with relative ease. No matter what you do, if you drink and down enough recreational toxins, drinking a gallon of water or taking those Chaser pills will not suffice. For most of the time, we end up passing out disoriented without any foresight into the next day which leads to an uncontrollable world of pain. Now, from what I heard an IV catheter of saline does the trick, but seeing how I do not have access to this nor know anyone who I feel comfortable with to put a needle in my arm and inject water, I deal with it the old fashioned way.

So after drinking enough water to drown a water buffalo, taking a multi-vitamin, two Tylenols, and eating an unhealthy, greasy and protein-infused breakfast, I need to figure out what I can do during the next day. Unlike my roommate who has the superhuman ability to take naps in two shakes of a Persian kittens whiskers, I have to struggle through a world of exhaustion and pain. With a head that feels as if my skull is stuck in a car crusher and the inability to fall asleep, I need to figure out what to do with my time of mental deprivation. Simply staring and trying to pass out leads to feeling the hurt. As for options that require even minor portions of concentration in reading or writing, and/or doing anything somewhat productive, these are out of the question as they magnify the nausea. There needs to be some sort of distraction from the hang-over, but not enough to take any real thought. Thus, TV was invented and is by far and away the best object to stare at.

Now with a limitless amount of options, it's best to watch something comedic or relaxing. Dramas can be good, but anything intense, scary, or complex are out of the question.

Television Shows

Most anything light works. As much as I'm a diehard fan of "Game of Thrones", I couldn’t get myself to watch it Sunday evening. I was way too tired to give it the attention it deserved. Similarly, shows like "Madmen", "The Wire" and "The Walking Dead", are also most likely going to cause more pain than relaxation. The goal is to keep you distracted from the pain without having to think Below is my guide to zombie Sundays. If you have any suggestions, feel free to comment.
 
Always Sunny in Philadelphia-This show that revolves 5 scumbags in Philly is one of the funniest, most underrated shows on television. Also, their lack of morality makes you feel better about yourself during that state of black-out depression.

Animated Comedy- I don't care how old you are, South Park, the Simpsons, and Family Guy are fucking hilarious and are still some of the greatest satires on today. 

The Office- It’s great and light-hearted with, a stellar cast and writing. While it has started to go downhill, it's still worth watching and older syndicated episodes seem to always be running if you channel surf a little.

Modern Family- In my opinion, this is the best-written sitcom out there today.

Seinfeld- The best sitcom ever created never gets old and, while extremely intelligent, doesn't make you think too much. Even after watching every episode a thousand times, you can still watch them.

 Entourage- I wish they didn’t run out of steam. Watching this show motivates you to make it big when you do start feeling better. 

Notable mentions: Arrested Development, Married with Children, How I Met Your Mother, Friends, Parks and Recreation, Cheers, Coach, 30 Rock, Bored to Death

 Sports

 

Weekends are obviously ideal times to watch sports as they're usually packed with a plethora of different options ranging from lacrosse to Rugby. Personally, it varies on my mood and season, but in my opinion, below are the best to watch.

 

Golf- Slow, easy to follow, and very calming, even the most diehard of golf fans will be lulled to sleep.

Football- Simply because it's a fucking awesome sport.

Baseball- It has the same effect as Golf only slightly more action. 

Lacrosse-The perfect mix of high and slow pace with the occasional bone crushing smash. America’s fastest growing sport continues to impress around the country.

 Sportscenter- I have spent hours watching the same episode over and again when dead to the world

Other Sports and Why They don’t make the hurting stop

Soccer-I’m a passionate fan of the sport, but after a while each misplay or flop causes my anger to rise and blood to boil and once I start feeling anything my head throbs.  

Basketball- The constant movement of the ball and the quick pace of the game makes me goddamn dizzy. Plus there's way too much to pay attention to 

Hockey- Look above and replace ball with puck. 
Tennis­- A slight feeling of nausea can be magnified by the quick pace of the tennis ball. 

Cricket- The sport at least has to be interesting enough to stare at. 

NASCAR, Rugby, Badminton- I don't know enough about these sports to enjoy them, which is a lesson apparent for any sports fan. The more you know, the less you have to think and the less you think, the better you feel. Science!

Movies

Without a doubt this is the hardest category to breakdown as there are timeless classics and countless options. As with television shows, these are merely my thoughts and thus in no way pertain to everyone. I've gathered extensive research from countless hours nursing a hang-over with a variety of individuals, though, and feel that my field research has allowed me to provide some solid insight. Free to let me know if you have any that you would like share. Horror, Porngore, Intense Dramas, Action, Sci-Fi, War Movies, and Thrillers are mostly no-goes with a few exceptions.

Captain Ron- He exists

Old School- At least you're not Frank the Tank. Or maybe, actually, we should be jealous of him…

Major League- One of the best sports comedies of all-time. They simply don't make movies like this anymore.

Wedding Crashers- Rachel McAdams is so hot

The Hangover- Imagine dealing with everything they are dealing with in the same state you are in. Feel a little better? I thought so.

Varsity Blues- A lighter version of Friday Night Lights

Point Break- Ok so this is a little intense, but so very simple at the same time

CaddyShack- Chase and Murray together are unstoppable.

Tombstone- Doc Holiday is my hero.

Tommy Boy and Black Sheep- David Spade owes his cinematic career to Chris Farley

Dumb and Dumber- One of the most quoted comedies of all time

Beverly Hills Cops- Eddie Murphy in his prime with a great beat backing it up. You can’t lose

Anchorman-So who's pumped for the fucking sequel?

Knocked Up- Only Judd Apatow knows how to make rom-coms raunchy and Katherine Heigl watchable

Indian Jones and the Last Crusade and Raiders of the Lost Ark - Indiana was the original Dos Equis guy. But Temple of Doom has too many scenes of people eating weird shit and tearing out hearts and stuff.

The Original Star War’s Trilogy - The Greatest Trilogy EVER

The Notebook- Ok, so soft, but if you watch this with a girl hung-over, your chances of getting laid increases ten-fold. And getting day-laid is great for hangovers

Some Like it Hot- Considered by many to be the greatest comedy ever made, this is Marilyn at her best.

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off- John Hughes is a legend. I personally think the Twist and Shout scene is one of the best in any movie.

Ghostbusters- Simply awesome with a top tier cast.

Honorable Mentions: Top Gun, Ground Hogs Day, Godfather Part I, Shaun of the Dead, 40 Year Old Virgin, Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, Dr. Strangelove, The Big Lebowski, Blazing Saddles, Big Daddy, Gladiator, The Jerk, National Lampoons Vacation, Annie Hall, Airplane, King Pin

Of course all of these go down well with booze or other substances to blunt the pain from the night before though that does run the risk of continuing the drunk and bringing on a worse hangover at some point. But in general, when hungover the best solution is to just gut it out and hope you survive long enough to not be hung over anymore. And nothing makes time fly like good entertainment. Stick with the above suggestions and, speaking from experience, I can mostly guarantee you'll survive to drink another day.

- Kyle