Visions of London: Olympic Events You Know Nothing About, Week 2 (HUNGER GAMES edition)

Second, Archery

Alright, as a follow up to week 1's rundown on top sharpshooters, I thought I would continue my theme of random sports using a deadly weapon in the Olympics. This week, I’m profiling archery because, in my opinion, any man/woman can shoot a gun but it takes a real badass to kill with an arrow. There are countless icons throughout time that have wielded this mighty weapon, from Paris (of Greek fame) to Red Cloud to my Uncle Lou. In the Olympics there are simply four events for archery. It’s located this year on Lord’s Cricket Ground which sounds as if Robin Hood himself will be out there teaching lessons and winning the archery contest in a disguise. Either that, or he'll be out poaching the king’s deer. Fuck it, they should just rename it Sherwood Forrest and call it a day. The events for Archery Include the Men’s Individual, the Women’s Individual, the Men’s Team, and the Women’s Team. Personally, I think they should add extra elements to Archery and will continue to demand these changes until they come into fruition.

 

My suggestions include, but are not necessarily limited to:

• Shooting while on a horse. This would be fucking awesome and would truly show how focused an individual can be. Dothrakis learn to shoot from horseback from a young age.
• Shooting at a moving target or shooting while running an obstacle course would add an extra element, similar to that of the clay shooting event and/or the Biathlon from the Winter Games. Legolas would surely dominate this event. 
• Something involving flaming arrows.

Now back to reality. Here are two archers to keep an eye out for. And to avoid if you're ever in an arena match to the death and they have a bow.

 

Men’s Individual-Brady Ellison- If you thought the world’s best archer was from the UK, then you're mistaken. Sure they've waged wars with this weapon for ages, and Robin of Locksley was supposed to be English, but the number 1 ranked shooter in the world is a country boy from the good ol’ US of A. Brady Ellison, the 23 year old from Arizona, is a true outdoorsman, growing up hunting and chasing all type of critters. The country boy athlete, who just recently quit dipping, is the type of man who can and does shoot animals from around 90 yards away. He probably loves Dale Earnhardt Jr. He has been training at the US Olympic Development Center since the age of 16, when he left high school two years early. For the past two years he's been ranked #1 in the world winning a remarkable 35 of 37 events he entered last year. How the fuck does this shooting prodigy, who might end up being considered the best ever, go unnoticed? Oh yea, archery is not a mainstream sport. Well actually, while that might have been true, with epic movies and books being recently released with lead roles who tote this weapon, there has been an increase in attention. So now, Brady Ellison can shoot standing straight quickly, but he's no match for a certain super hero. Hawkeye is a Marvel Superhero known for his ability to handle a bow. Although extremely accurate, he also had countless “trick” arrows that would cause more damage to their enemies. Although completely different persona-wise, both individuals are known for their bow skills. Additionally, does anyone else think Ellison and Renner kind of look alike?

 Women’s Individual- Alejandra Valencia- She's still young, but she's already the princess of the 2011 PanAm games, where she women two gold Medals. At the sprightly age of 18, she has some serious completion, but could potentially be the Cinderella story of the games.  With her undeniable talent and her age, she's the Olympic version of the one and only, Katniss Everdeen, if Katniss had darker skin and black hair. Just to clarify who Katniss is, because I’m not sure if anyone has heard of the book “The Hunger Games”, but the heroin in this Trilogy is the deadliest shot with an arrow. She spent most of her years hunting, which made her able to shoot any animal right between the eyes. Katniss Everdeen is the baddest chick with a bow and arrow for sure. Now, only if they had mixed doubles like the Junior Olympics games, it would be the Gail and Katniss show for sure. Yes, that was another reference to another HUNGER GAMES character.


Here's to hand-launching deadly barbed spikes at high speed with frightening accuracy.


- Kyle