Ambitions in 2012: A Recap Of This Last Year

Man's Ambition was founded, softly, in September 2011, based on the simple principle that it's what men do, a collection based around the simple principle of people (especially men) striving for greatness, sprinkled with such manly activities as shitting with the door open, riverboat gambling trips (see above), making our own beef jerky, and talking about pussy.

We finished that year with a recap of all the big issues we felt you, our brilliant and discerning readers, should know about, whether we'd reported on it or not. I mean, hell, 2011 had a lot of ups, downs, in and outs, just check it out.

But since we had 2012 to write about and point out all the issues, happenings, and what-have-yous we felt were relevant (or just cool), the recap of 2012 will be a compilation of our Ambitious writings over the past 12 months. Enjoy.

JANUARY

The BCS championship game was one boring affair but the NFL playoffs, as always, was quite a time of victories and upsets. Still, Kyle had a finger on the pulse of the Giants as they went into the playoffs with his evaluation of the BCS game and predictions for the Super Bowl in his TUESDAY SPORTS HANGOVER.

MySpace. Yeah, Fox unloaded it for about a half a billion dollar loss to a group headed by Justin Timberlake saying MySpace would revolutionize entertainment as detailed in Ryan's article on MYSPACE TV. How's that working out now?

Skiing femme fatale Sarah Burke died, one of a handful of snow-pros to die pushing the envelope doing what they loved last season.

Kodak filed for bankruptcy. Interestingly, they were undone by their own actions, as Ryan talked about in KODAK DEVELOPED ITS OWN DESTRUCTION.

The Ravens lost in the playoffs. And Ryan was reminded of the fact that loss is part of being a man.

UFC is replacing boxing, just as Kyle said it was.


FEBRUARY

Parent groups pooped their pants over the fact that MIA gave the middle finger during halftime of the Super Bowl. But still, the game had a couple awesome moments too.

Jeremy Linsanity. Yeah.

A YouTube extreme sports channel Network A was founded by a son and father combo, just another sign of the changing times in entertainment and athletics.

Mexican Narcos staged a prison riot as a cover for their murder of rival cartel members and their escape. You can't make this shit up, as Ryan notes here.

MARCH

Kyle analyzed how some former sports legends are struggling to pay their bills in WHY THE MIGHTY HAVE FALLEN.

He also talked about how HIP HOP WORLD STARS was taking over the online world with its unique user-fueled madness.

Vladimir Putin fixed the newest Russian election. I mean, he was "elected democratically." Either way, he cried.

Gambling amongst young men has never been bigger. Check out Kyle's article about it, appropriate since he writes up a weekly rundown of what football bets to make.

Entrepreneurs on the internet are the coolest. Just check out DOLLAR SHAVE CLUB's hilarious ad that would lead to a brilliant new online business.

Don Draper returned.

DeNiro made a racial joke in Obama's favor but was blackballed at political events because nobody can take a fucking joke anymore.

Author Steven John's first book came out. If you haven't read it, you should. Why? Read Ryan's article about Steven John's 3 A.M. and books in general to find out.

The most amazing sporting event ever conceived, Travis Rice's SUPERNATURAL, was staged and shot in what can only be a harbinger of things to come.

Google invented a car that can drive for you. Next stop, Judgment day as Kyle talked about in RISE OF THE GOOGLE PRIUS.

APRIL

Ryan went to his first (and possibly last) Occupy event. How was it? Like this.

Ryan also talked about how we all need to turn off our electronics in a popular article about WHY YOU NEED TO DISCONNECT FROM THE GRID.

Instagram sold for $1 B to Facebook. A company with no income selling for 1 followed by 9 zeroes? Man those Facebook people are smart, right?

Kyle talked about how Neymar may just be the future of the world's most popular game, soccer.

No Pulitzer for fiction is awarded. Why? Because a lot of today's Literary Fiction mostly sucks.

Kyle talked about Jeb Corliss and how base jumping and squirrel suits are taking over what it means to do insane stuff.

BULLY made us all pay increased attention to the hideous paradigm of modern bullying. But did it also point out that a lot more of us are bullies than we'd like to admit?

A new site came up that allowed all us sports junkies to contribute to the future of athletes we'd like to support. You a sports fan? Then you need to read this and decide how much.

Everest is now so accessible that people kept a running blog while on the mountain for what was shaping up to be a historic couple of summits.

Teahupoo got even gnarlier with the footage to prove it, once again settling the debate that surfers are the most hardcore of all athletes.




MAY

Kyle ran down THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE UGLY of the NFL Draft, everybody's favorite corporate hiring press conference.

France elected a Communist to its top seat. Thus giving conservative Americans who are already disdainful of Godard cinema and fancy food names with silent consonants and pronounced vowels another reason to hate the French.

Junior Seau killed himself. Kyle analyzed that and a few other athlete defeats in WHEN TERRIBLE THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD ATHLETES.

Dish Network had a pissing match with AMC, thus beginning the in-fighting that will no doubt eventually lead to the end of television as we know it.

Spotify began its quest to take over the world of online music streaming.

Plastic surgeons and millions of dollars makes a slavic broad into a human Barbie. Superficial assholes gain a new grand trophy. And everybody else gets more than a little creeped out.

Big Business and government worked together to take out the insidious villain that is the American family farm, specifically by trying to put Baker's Green Acres under. Score one more point for the bad guys.

Kyle began his epic article on Olympic events you know nothing about in VISIONS OF LONDON. For the full rundown of all the articles, click here.

Facebook finally went public - and publicly bombed. So Ryan wrote an article at the bequest of a regular reader comparing Zuckerberg to an actual innovator, Nikola Tesla.

Kyle went to Electric Daisy and got weird.

Ryan wrote about how Red Bull is pushing the world of sports forward into uncharted territory.

JUNE

Everest has never been more popular - is that good or bad? How about a little of both...

Ryan compared his two favorite (and Man's Ambition Must Watch) shows in GAME OF MEN OR MAD THRONES.

Obama's America's most successful military strategist president in decades? Don't tell the Republicans that.

As summer party season began, Kyle ran down a list of what to watch when trying to survive those dreaded hangovers.

Mike Tyson got his own one-man Broadway play, proving once again that in America anything is possible.

Ryan and his wife went to Hawaii and discovered how and why everybody needs to sometimes retreat to A PLACE OF REFUGE.

A true American hero, Rainier Ranger Nick Hall, died rescuing a group of distressed climbers. Not only did this reawaken everybody to the beauty and danger of the alpine life, it also proved a bit foreboding for Ryan and Kyle as they neared their own Rainier climb.

The NBA was dominated by the beard.

12-year-old kids DOMINATED the X-Games, especially skateboard big air.

JULY

Kyle summited most of the tallest peaks in the East Coast in his hard-ass HOW 6 DEGENERATES WALKED ALL OVER THE PRESIDENTS

Ryan rambled on about July 4th, America, and what wars made America into the world's greatest newest nation.

The Egyptians elected the Muslim Brotherhood to power and our foreign correspondent Oscar was there to protest the possible prohibition to follow.

The Dark Knight came out, not only reflecting our nation but shocking it when some kid opened fire at a Colorado movie theater.

California fell into bankruptcy, city by city.

AUGUST

Ryan, Kyle, their friend Coleman and author Steven John summited Mt. Rainier, a grueling 2 days for the novices followed by a couple days' decompression  in Seattle.

The Jamaicans ran Olympic track, the American Women ran the Olympic games, and Kyle ran through the top 30 things you must know about the 2012 London Olympics, including of course the McKayla Maroney meme.

Kyle talked about the two new weird sports protection innovations as freaks send gobs of money and time on trying to keep they selves safe: a "fashionable" bicycle head protector and dog killer and Eagles disappointment Michael Vick's bullet proof vest.

SEPTEMBER

Ryan pondered Labor day as America and the world grows tougher on its workers.

Kyle's Lock Street started back up, giving degenerate gamblers hope as his picks surpassed 50% over the season.

Legendary football owner and all-around model American Art Modell died.


Ryan began a weekly column analyzing both presidential candidates, Romney and Obama. He even TRIED to be impartial. Though his full interpretation of the facts certainly pointed to Obama's imminent election.

Baseball's post-season was riddled with small-market teams, as Kyle said in BASEBALL'S POSTSEASON PRE-SEASON.

Shaun White got arrested, showing he is in fact, a human being and, more importantly, a roots snowboarder.

Zombie bees.

OCTOBER

Ryan wrote about Tom Hardy possibly playing George Mallory in an upcoming biopic, continuing Ryan's preternatural obsession with mountain climbing.

Some dude skydived from space. Thanks to Red Bull. Rad.

Ryan went to his college reunion and reflected about auld acquaintances that should not be forgot.

A new Bond movie and a guest author came together to rank the top Bond girls of each decade.

Kyle ran through the top Halloween entertainment for you culture consumers.

George Lucas sold Lucasfilm for $4 billion dollars, making his personal Jedi journey complete.

NOVEMBER

Snowboard godfather Tom Sims died and Ryan wrote about it a few months too late. Sorry.

Priceline bought Kayak and Shatner made half a billion dollars as a corporate shill - fuck Captain Kirk, Priceline Intimidator is where it's at.

General Petraeus was fired for having an affair, proving America has completely forgotten its sexually questionable roots.

Goodell keeps trying to make the NFL softer, starting with the hardest team The Ravens. Specifically Ed Reed. Roger Goodell, you are a dictator using his power for evil and history will look back on you as the villain you are.

Hey Diddle Diddle, Ray Rice up the Middle - and, again, wondering why the NFL is fucking up their glory shot?

DECEMBER

Eddie Murphy was "roasted" though it felt more like a eulogy.

Kyle's final Lock Street of the regular season and 2012.

The world didn't end on December 20, 2012. Nobody with half a brain is surprised.

Then Ryan and Kyle went to Baltimore for 10 days to hang out with their loving family - Mom, Dad, and Ryan's wife Rebecca - and Ryan and Rebecca's dog Cecile - and Mom and Dad's dog Cody and cat Alice (kinda) - and didn't write a damn thing. And we saw the Ravens beat the Giants at M&T Bank stadium. And were reminded that, in the end, as Don Corleone said, "A man who doesn't spend time with his family can never be a real man."

2012 has had its ups and downs, no doubt. And we have to think about the future of this great nation. Fiscal cliffs and European bone-grindings make a man wonder how much longer will the west run the world with America the shiny brass eagle leading the charge. Our nation has never been more politically divided, our healthcare system is an exercise of bloated private interest bureaucracy, and the average American man has never been softer. Ambitions seem to focus mostly on making websites with magical profit schemes based on card tricks and smoke and mirrors and the American heavy industry on which our nation was built has all but disappeared.

But there is hope. Gay men and women are finally receiving the right to marry in more states, thus showing a general consensus that civil rights should be extended to everybody. Marijuana is increasingly being legalized and decriminalized, thus ending a prohibition that will someday be looked back upon as draconian posturing from uptight squares. Shale booms have been saving some plains communities as America moves towards freeing ourselves from the Middle East oil that has caused us to enter endless stupid wars with and against ignorant foreigners who will never accept our freedoms (and yes, while fracking may be unhealthy so are offshore oil rigs and tankers). Little upticks in employment, real estate value, and consumption are pointing to a light at the end of the recession tunnel. And the list goes on.

So here's to lucky number 2013. Thanks for reading. Spread the word. And for fuck's sake, strive for greatness every day. That's the only way we'll get the better world we so dearly need.

God Bless - signing off for 2012,

Ryan and Kyle Ariano

Doomsday Lovers: Does the lack of Man's Ambition mean it's all over?

The world is going to end. Time to repent/prepare/and accept our imminent destruction.

End of times narratives are as old as the beginning of time. No doubt superstitious tribes believed that any indiscretion could anger the gods enough that their mighty powers would destroy earth and all of us weak, puny mortals. Then there's the books of revelations, the last chapter of the New Testament and one wicked acid trip with evil horses and insect plagues. Then we have Nostradamus, whose prophecies about the end of the world have been interpreted to refer exactly to right now (though they bear more of a resemblance to the magician trick of mind-reading from some random person in the audience). But no seriously, he was referring to right now, just check out History Channel.

Remember Y2K? Everybody thought the whole world of computing would crash, not to mention a couple people who thought in general the significance of a millenial rollover no doubt heralded the end of days. In just the last 2 years we've had Harold Camping claiming rapture and judgment day would take place on May 21, 2011 (with end of time occurring in October) and then there's all the concern about December 20, 2012 (those Mayans - so smart they could predict the end of the world but apparently overlooked the arrival of the Europeans). There are shows about Doomsday Preppers, whackjobs so afraid about the end of the world they get their Cold War bomb shelters with fresh supplies of sardines and assault rifles in case the nuclear zombie pollution hordes should destroy life as we know it. And then there's the fears mounting from the impending Fiscal Cliff (rising taxes and cutting funding to federal programs), the Dairy Cliff (the cut of the Farm Bill, which will send prices of milk and such through the roof), and the Retail Cliff (14,000 dockworkers going on strike which will lead to products waiting at docks and thereby make them skyrocket). The fears growing from these have us appraising a future in which we have less money, can't afford milk, can't buy things, and our nation falls apart, all on January 1st. Certain doom, no doubt.

Here's the deal with the Retail Cliff - while we may struggle without imports, haven't we been preaching the virtues of an independent America? Even more, haven't we all already bought enough shit around the holidays to maybe hold back for a while? As for the dairy cliff, that's a reversion to old government prices from back when cows were milked by hands. That'll double the prices of milk but did you know we're the only mammal that drinks milk AFTER adulthood? Anybody else think maybe there's something a bit, I dunno, off, about that? Just drink almond milk, it's better for you anyway. And we could all maybe go with a little less cheese. And the Fiscal Cliff - sure that could spell disaster if it went on indefinitely. But going over the fiscal cliff will just add urgency to the current budget debate. None of these things will really take hold on the economy for months and by then Boehner and Obama will have no doubt finished their pissing match, just like last year's ski-pole handjobs over the debt ceiling.

But instead people are stockpiling weapons, companies are saying they're afraid to hire, grants aren't being given, so on and so forth yet when you sit down and look at the simple realities, these "cliffs" are little more than concrete abuttments a real man wouldn't even slow his car going over. So what the fuck is this obsession with the end, with doom, with the screeching halt?

Plain and simple, we've had it too good. I mean yes, the school shootings were tragic. But throughout more of human history, children died of disease, were pressed into wars, were raped and murdered during those wars, or simply died as part of being small and less intelligent in a big, harsh world. America has been riding a high crest of comfortable complacency for the last 60 years and now we're left with not just a few people but a whole society wondering 1.) What's left to do when you're number 1 and still dissatisfied? or 2.)How will we deal with our inevitable return to the fold as has afflicted every other great nation before us?

As for the first one, I mean seriously, what's left? Everything has been conquered, everywhere explored. Conquest of other nations isn't allowed. The last big hand was played and we came out on top. That's why we have to turn these skirmishes with illiterate middle-eastern nomads into "wars" - because we can't respectably fight superpowers. So, when it's all been done, discovered, explored, invented, what's left but to die? Especially if you're on a losing end (think mid-western farmer unless they have a bunch of shale) and you're forced to watch geeks and hippies making all the money. Yup - the world's gotta end.

I've said many times before that all the free time people have on their hands has led them to nitpick and find ways to better embrace and express their hatred since for many people hating is quite a hobby, akin to reading groups and militia operations but infinitely more fulfilling in the short-term while soul-crushing over a lifetime. And if you have all this free time to hate, you can find plenty of people and things to point your hatred towards which leads to a desire to see them all destroyed which leads you to think that it would be much easier if the world just ended. Then you find a convenient passage in holy books guaranteeing you that the end of the world will be your VIP pass to God's easy street and BOOM, the end of the world seems like the most exciting thing you've ever heard of.

On the other side of hatred is fear (in fact they're usually interchangeable) and again, with the growth of free time and the ability to hear about all the evil things going on at any given time all over the world (by the way, violence and mayhem are far from new occurrences - in fact, the world is certainly the most peaceful, just, and civilized it's ever been in the history of mankind) fear has turned a large portion of the population into raving paranoiacs. Just watch TAKE SHELTER for a great portrayal of how fear can lead to an obsession more all-consuming and destructive than any drug. You spend so much time and money preparing for this thing you're afraid of so as to assuage it because you feel if you're prepared you won't be afraid. Then you realize that 50 grand you spent on preparing for the apocalypse will make you look pretty stupid if the apocalypse never comes so, in a strange reversal, you find yourself secretly hoping for the one thing of which you were most afraid as it would vindicate you.

Then finally there's the basic point that America is currently on a down cycle of our great empire. We still number 1? In a lot of ways yeah. Surely when it comes to deal brokering and international favor. But that's going away. Most likely China will take us down though the EU, if they emerge from their massive financial problem, could come out meaner and sleeker; then there's South America, calmly plodding along with annual upticks. Either way, with our loss of the #1 seed will come the accompanying trends of being second best, including having to learn a new language, having to embrace other cultures, and watching our children grow up talking about weird eastern myths. As such, plenty of people either consciously or subconsciously just want to see it happen, once and for all - dash the American hegemony on the rocks of complacency; our citizens have grown weak, our industries have crumbled into the ocean, our ingenuity has become little more than remakes of previous products and ideals and we're all a bit more paranoid. Let's just see it fall so we can stop trying to pretend we're better than we are, am I right?

And I don't even want to get into the fact that something's obviously fucked up in the environment (and even those assholes who claim it has nothing to do with human consumption have to admit that the natural world is more fucked up than it's ever been in recorded history).

So what do we do? We here at Man's Ambition were unknowingly echoing the country by pulling back the last 2 weeks (though that was more because of moves and holidays and such) and just waiting for the world to end (not really, this is just an excuse for my own laziness). But that's the strange phenomenon striking the world, people spending time and resources not trying to make the world a better place but preparing for it to fall apart. Folks who are so bored (but unable to kill themselves) and therefore so angry (but channeling it against superficial targets) or who are simply so scared (as is a symptom of the sheep in society) that the end of the world sounds secretly nice to them and as such they can embrace it with far more fervor than the daunting task of trying to actually make it a better, more harmonious place. People who are pushing ambition aside for the simple task of pulling in like a boneless sea-sucker into its shell.

Well newsflash, people. The world didn't end last week. Nor last year. And Hitler wasn't the anti-Christ but simply an asshole who gave in to the easy power of hatred. And Saddam Hussein wasn't the anti-Christ but a power-hungry secularist we backed 30 years ago because Iran was being taken over by Muslims (that's right, America backed Saddam's rise to power because we'd rather have him there than a Muslim). And there aren't more gays in the world, they just don't do it in the shadows and behind their wives' backs anymore. And America's no less religious than it was when we gained our independence (Jefferson, Franklin, Washington, all of them had weak relationships with religion, at best). And the world is no more violent than it's been in any other time in world history. These "crises" coming up mean, at worst, we go back to the way things were in previous American history when people had to work a little harder and spend a little more for American products which in turn kept more money in America and made it so that housewives didn't have the time to be bored and protest TV shows like THE WALKING DEAD. And maybe kids will have to do more chores so they have less time to sit around and brood about how they have no friends (if you're doing yardwork all day, you have no energy left to brood about being socially inept).

But will the world end? Someday, yes. But not today. And most likely not tomorrow. So as we head into luck number 13 in the new millennium, let's all take a step back and come to our senses - we're all stuck here together, for better or worse. It's time to figure out how we're going to live together going forward and stop waiting for things to explode or implode but instead work and campaign tirelessly to achieve greatness in the only way mankind has ever achieved greatness before - by working together with our eyes on the endless horizon of the future.

Yours in Ambitions for a greater tomorrow - which, like it or not, is no doubt coming -

Ryan

Lock-Street Week 15- 12.16

1:00pm NY Giants (+1.5) vs. the Atlanta Falcons



It’s that time of the year when the Gmen start heating up and get ready for their final playoff push; or, like two years ago, when they falter. Who the hell knows. This team can either be one the best teams in the league or one of the worst on any given Sunday, but after a clinic over the dismal Saints I think they're primed to beat an over-achieving Falcons team. While Bradshaw might be ruled out, David Wilson can torch defenses as was proven last week. Eventually, Bradshaw will be obsolete as the youth tandem of Wilson and Brown take over NYC.


The Falcons, with Matt “I blow in the playoffs” Ryan at the helm, might have the most dynamic offense with the likes of Julio Jones, Tony “The ageless wonder” Gonzalez, Rowdy Roddy White (The 3 have combined for 2968 receiving yards and 19 TD’s), and the Burner Turner although their rushing yards per game is 4th worst in the NFL. I’m liking this Jacquizz Rodgers guy. Could be a sleeper in fantasy next year. Offensively, look for Manning and Cruz to exploit the Falcons’ defense pathetic defense as they rank 16th in opponent passing yards and 23rd in rushing. I have a feeling the Giants will dissemble them like last year’s playoff game.

4:05pm Detroit (-6) vs. the Cardinals

God the Cardinals are bad. That 4-0 start feels like a distant memory as they were embarrassed last week by a middle of the pack Seahawks team (58-0). The Lions are finding ways to lose why the Cardinals wish they even had an opportunity to find a way to lose. In their 9 game losing streak, their average of loss is 15.1 ppg while the Lions have an average loss of 5.2 ppgs in their 5 game skid. The Cardinals haven’t lost 10 straight since they started 0-10 in 1943…until after this week.

At this point, they should sit Larry Fitzgerald to keep him healthy for next year and let their legion of injury prone, underachieving running backs (Stephens- Howling, Wells, and Williams) and QB’s (Kolb, Skelton, Lindley) get the shit knocked out of them. They do have a solid defense with one of the best safety/corner tandems in the game with Kerry Rhodes and Patrick “Best Athlete Award” Peterson. Even with their strong secondary and a front seven that includes Calais Campbell and Darnell Dockett, they are going to give up points since they are on the field for 90% of the game. Even Lance Armstrong would get tired while doping if he played that long. Although the Lion’s have a mediocre secondary, their front seven more than make up for it with the likes of Stephen Tulloch, Nick Fairley, Ndamukong Suh, Vanden Bosch, and Avril. Having Avril, Fairley, Suh, and Vanden Bosch as your front four is unreal.


The Lions running game is poor as they rank 21st, but the Stafford/CJ squared combo is already legendary and makes a running game as necessary as having Jack Black in a movie. Calvin Johnson is 303 yards shy of Jerry Rice’s 1848 yards in a season record with 3 games to go and he’s averaging 110 ypg. You do the math. Even crazier is that if he can somehow average 151.7 ypg in the next 3 games, which is something that he has the ability to do, he will break the impossible 2000 receiving yards in a season mark. Besides Megatron, they have receiving weapons in the cancerous Titus Young and the crafty veteran Nate Burleson. They also have 2 solid TE’s in Brandon Pettigrew and Tony Scheffler. Watch the Lions get a nice bird for dinner.

Sun 8:20pm San Francisco 49’s vs. the New England Patriots (o46.5)


The New England Patriots is hands down the best team in the NFL. If you think differently, then you're simply hater. Tom “Diva” Brady (Remarkable 29 TD’s to 4 Picks this season) is on fire even without their best offensive weapon, Gronkowski. Wes Welker has been looking at the top of his game (1116 yards this season), Hernandez has been playing great, and the Patriots finally have that runner they've been searching for over the last several years in Stevan Ridley (1082 rushing yards and 10 TD’s). Imagine what they will do when Gronk comes back…


The Niners aren’t completely anemic either. With Michael Crabtree finally playing up to his potential, Vernon Davis can eventually make some plays although has been playing a disappearing act recently, and they still have the beast of the west Frank Gore (1035 yards and 7 TD’s). The Patriots pass defense is a sad 29th in the NFL which should fare well for the mobile Colin “Stop talking about my Tats” Kaepernick. Their back-up receivers have proven this year and in the past that they can make some epic plays (Moss and Manningham). On the defensive side, both teams have playmakers who get their offenses in great position by either holding them to deep punts or forcing turnovers. The Pats have McCourty, Mayo, Hightower, Wilfork, and Talib. The Niners secondary contains the ever-dangerous Dashon Goldson and Carlos Rogers, while their front seven includes the perennial probowler Patrick “Hit Stick” Willis, and the NFL leader in sacks in Aldon Smith (19.5 sacks). By the way, you should watch this kid for no other reason than the fact he is three sacks shy of tying Michael Strahan’s record.

I would like to point out that this is by far the best weekend of football this season, as it’s smothered with playoff implications. Highlights include Ravens/Broncos; Steelers/Cowboys; Packers/Bears; Giants/Falcons; and Colts/Texans. Rodger Goodell is somewhere pounding himself to how well the schedule worked out.



Lock-Street Record



19-20-1


Week 14

0-3



Week 13

1-2



Week 12

2-0-1



Week 11


2-1



Week 10

2-1



Week 9


1-2



Week 8


1-2



Week 7

2-1



Week 6


1-2



Week 5

1-2



Week 4

3-0



Week 3

2-1



Week 2

1-2



Week 1


0-1

A Little Snow Season Foreplay

Snowboarding is about adventure. For the average urban dweller the adventure lies in the simple act of going somewhere without high-rises and shopping malls, to a town with a population in the 5 or 4 digits and spending a few hours going dangerously fast surrounded by pine trees and snow, free from computers and cellphones and such.

For a ski town local that adventure kicks up a notch. Living in Jackson I spent probably half my days hiking back and side country, either at Teton Pass or from the tram at the top of the hill.

But for a pro snowboarder, especially a guy who's the equivalent of Michael Jordan of backcountry riding, it takes more to find adventure.

Snowboarders have possibly the best lives of any pro athletes. Yes, surfers get top travel to all the great beach destinations. But after you've surfed for a few years you've ridden about every type of wave imaginable and while exotic locations add to the fun of it, it's very rare that a surfer finds a new wave and a new wave shape/break - forget about it. There are still many mountain ranges that haven't been fully explored much less ridden. Mark my words, some day some bastard's gonna shred down Everest. Thanks to Jeremy Jones.

A couple years ago, Jones realized that all the helis he was riding to get to all his sick first descents were burning a shit-ton of fuel and, as founder of POW, he needed to start looking at his own carbon footprint. Then he thought about the fact that, after a long career as the top big mountain rider, he'd ridden every AK and BC peak a person can get to by heli, though beyond them were endless mountains. Thus he came up with DEEPER, the first real blending of world-class mountaineering and exploration with top of the top snowboarding.

Last year I wrote a little something on sick snowboard flicks to check out and even included a preview of the sequel to DEEPER , Jones' aptly titled FURTHER (he's making a trilogy). But seriously, this is a movie you need to run out and buy. Like NOW.

This is the beginning of a new mutant, mountaineering and snowboarding both pushed to their limits at the same time. Alpine history in the making.

Need more convincing? Check out the trailer:

And start getting that board waxed, put new batteries in the beacon, and start planning your winter trips.

I already know where I'm going and I can't wait.

- Ryan

Lock-Street Week 14 12/9

Chicago (-2.5) vs. Minnesota

Who would win in a fight, Charles Tillman or God? Trick question. Charles Tillman is God. Da Bears will rebound this week against a weak Vikings team. Adrian Peterson is having one of the best years of his still early, yet injury hampered, career as he leads the NFL with 1446 rushing yards. That is not good enough to win, apparently, seeing how he rushed for an unreal 210 yards last week and yet they only scored 14 points. Besides him, their best offensive weapon was receiver Percy Harvin, but he was placed on IR with a severely sprained ankle, and thus they have an offense that couldn’t score on Notre Dame. Sure Christian Ponder has been hooking up with Kyle Rudolph, AND passing him the ball for 3 TDs over the last three games, but Ponder is simply a bad QB. His 63.6 passer rating of the last 7 weeks is the worst of any other qualifying QB. Jared Allen, the Vikings defensive motor, is hampered by injury, and their defense is in the middle of the pack, ranking 14^th in both opponent passing and opponent rushing. At least they are consistent.

The Bears defense is still ranked second in the NFL in points scored and although Tim Jennings (most picks in the NFL with 8) might not play, they still have playmakers. Urlacher has been ruled out but, honestly, that’s not the worst thing in the world. The guy can still lay the hammer, but he has lost any quickness or agility. He reminds me an old, beaten down boxer trying to stay in the ring. Lance Briggs is a little nicked but is consistent. With Devin “My hands are feet” Hester and Earl Bennett both sidelined with concussion, look for Cutler to make it rain with Brandon Marshall. Honestly, this tandem does not need anyone else. They will score enough points to cover the spread. Eventually, the Bush/Forte tandem will take off as well. Well, hopefully.

Arizona Cardinals (+10.5) vs. Seattle Seahawks

Arizona is bad. Real Bad. Seattle is good. But not great. Russell Wilson is getting extensive praise for his play as he should, but I would have to say it’s because of Seattle’s record and because he is a rookie. I mean Seattle’s passing game is 30^th in the NFL averaging a weak 187.3 yards per game. The rushing game is solid as it ranks 7^th in the NFL, but it’s their defense that is the reason they are 7-5, not their offense. They rank 5^th in opponent passing and 12^th in opponent rushing. It’s an undeniable truth that this will be a low scoring affair and I doubt either team could score enough points to create such a wide margin. Arizona on the other hand has issues at QB as they have 3 bad QB’s in Skelton, Lindley, and Kolb and an offense is straight offensive as they rank 27th in passing and 30^th in rushing.  Look for both offenses to struggle as the Cardinals are 3^rd in opponent passing . Like Stephen Jackson, I feel bad for Larry Fitzgerald. Such wasted talent due to his surroundings. Who would win the battle between a cardinal and a sea hawk? Probably a Seahawk, but who gives a fuck. This is football, not bird wars.

New England Patriots vs. Houston Texans (o 51.5)

This is the best game of the weekend and is probably one of the best games of the year thus far. I mean both teams are on fire. Let’s list the big time playmakers on each team, shall we? Brady/ Schaub; Welker/A. Johnson; Hernandez/ Daniels; Ridley/Foster. On defense, Watt/Wilfork; Jackson/Talib; Quin/ McCourty; Dobbins/Mayo. The reason I did not pick the spread is that while the Patriots have a better offense, the Texans have a better defense (although their pass defense is getting a little sloppy). Get the popcorn ready because this shit is going to get you crazy.

- Kyle

Why Comedy Kills Them Young

Forbes just announced Eddie Murphy as Hollywood’s most overpaid actor in their list of the top 10 Overpaid actors in Hollywood. Using a simple equation in which they compared the actor's price tag to his or her average box office take, they made a list which comes about as close to commoditizing entertainment as one can ever get. While the many components of film-making make these equations flawed at best, I noticed one "funny" thing about the list - most of the most overpaid actors are comedians.

In the top Ten, Forbes has Murphy as averaging $2.30 for every dollar paid, followed by Heigl at $3.40 for every dollar paid and then Reese Witherspoon at $3.90 for every dollar paid. The rest of the list included 3 more comedy actors: Jack Black, Adam Sandler, Ben Stiller. And, if you count SEX IN THE CITY as a comedy (and isn’t it supposed to be?), Sarah Jessica Parker makes it a total of 7 out of Forbes’ 10 most overpaid actors are comedy/rom-com stars. But why?

Well there are a couple reasons and, sadly, they all bode poorly for any aspiring comedy actors out there. Of every genre, comedy has to be the hardest to pull off.

I mean drama, that's easy: throw in some tears, some love, and kill off a main actor and people will talk about how poignant it is and, hell, whether it's in 17th Century England or 21st Century America our sense of tragedy and understanding of death, loss, and love are basically the same.

And horror, while it has evolved some offshoots like gore porn, is still essentially the same - creepy things, creaky doors, ugly villains, screaming terrified women, and a darkness not only in the setting but also in the sense that we never know what's happening. This carries over to thrillers. But comedy? Just watch a comedy from the 40's and unless you're a film geek that shit just ain't funny. I've subjected my wife to hours watching old comedies and she now refuses to watch anything written or shot before the 70's.

So that bring us to comedy. The problem with comedy is, for all intents and purposes it has to be cutting edge. No matter how many times we've seen it, that motherfucker jumping out from behind a door will always make us shake in our boots. But once you've heard a joke it loses its humor; that is, you can re-watch over and over again that first telling of that joke but the next time somebody tries it you'll jeer, call it a rip-off, and move on. Comedy has to be fresh. That's why comedians can rarely keep long careers.

Eddie Murphy is case in point. I watched his celebrity special the other night and everybody cracked the audience up. And it was rad seeing Eddie do a duet with Stevie Wonder. But otherwise the man looked at the stage like a ghost watching his own funeral. At one point Arsenio even asked Eddie to do some stand-up and the rest of the crowd jumped up to cheer for him but he turned it down, fiercely. Because Eddie Murphy doesn't do stand-up anymore. Because he just doesn't have it. And, sadly, the night felt more like a eulogy than a roast.

The thing is, few comedians have long careers as cutting-edge funnymen. It either goes one of the following routes:

• Comedian to Family Film Comedian to Cheesy Paycheck Comedian once given up
• Examples: Eddie Murphy, Steve Martin, Adam Sandler, Jim Carrey
• Comedian to Death
•  Examples: Belushi and Farley come to mind. Phil Hartman too.
• Comedian to Serious Actor
• Examples: Robin Williams and Jim Carrey since only his serious flicks are any good anymore. And in fact Eddie Murphy's only decent perfomance in the last decade was in DREAMGIRLS.
• Comedian to Suit
• Examples: Harold Ramis, Mel Brooks, Keenan Ivory Wayans, basically any comedian with enough sense to step off the screen except for occasional cameos.
• Comedian to Crazy:
• Examples: Dave Chapelle. God we miss you.

All of those but the top are acceptable for the world of comedy and the world in general. I didn't mention Bill Murray because, honestly, he's one of the few I think has somehow managed to stay funny as time's gone on but that's by changing his comedic style to the dryness befitting an old gentleman. It probably also helps that he refuses to have anything to do with Hollywood - he lives in the Hudson River Valley and doesn't have an agent - he just has a guy you call and if Bill wants to talk to you he magically calls you back. He doesn't sign contracts but if he says he wants to do a film he does it. Because of that he doesn't get sidetracked by the specters of success and big paychecks. And there's the rub.

I have nothing against big paychecks. Don't begrudge somebody "selling out." But the simple fact is that comedy's like the blues - it has to come from a tough, dark place full of rejection and frustration. And when you gain some level of success, you lose that rejection and frustration. Then you get paid $20 million dollars to do a movie and you maybe don't like the script but hey, it's safe, it's easy, and you can finally buy that waterfront mansion in Malibu. Suddenly you're getting paid exorbitant amounts of money and you don't even really have to be that funny anymore - you can get away with cheesy and corny. And from there it just builds on itself, a combination of atrophying your real comedy chops while you also have less to rebel against and complain about and observe and, when you think about it, what the fuck else is there in comedy?

So here's Ryan's quick bit of free advice for any and all aspiring comedians:

1. Hold on to your struggle. Becoming a successful comedian is possibly the hardest thing to do and the one aspiration in which a person will receive the most rejection and scrutiny. If you make it to the other side, just always remember your roots. I had a friend ask me what I'll do when I get older and hate my tattoos. I told him that if I ever get to a point in my life where I hate my tattoos it'll be a sign I'm on the wrong path. If SNL Eddie Murphy watched 1000 WORDS he'd punch his future self in the face.
2. Diversify. Because at some point, if you want to keep your self-respect, you might have to segue into dramatic acting. Because you don't need to be edgy to act distraught or in love. 
3. Never accept more than you really deserve. Agents would be killing me right now if they read this blog but it's true. That's why Chappelle cracked - he got $60 million dollars and it was such a large sum he just crumbled underneath the weight of it. On the other hand, it's a surefire way to end your career - holding a high quote based on a string of high-paying studio pics. Studio comedy flicks destroy a comedian if he or she does them exclusively. They cater to a fanbase that doesn't have that great a LOVE for films and erodes a person's loyal fanbase who are disgusted by his performance. Then, when the uncaring hordes have moved onto the next Galifianakis and you've alienated your longtime core, you'll find yourself with a bloated quote that draws nobody. And then it's over.
4. Learn to step away. That's what Seinfeld's done. He's stepping back, doing a few things here and there, as well as rebirthing himself by returning to doing some stand-up. He coulda followed Seinfeld with a thousand neurotic-Jewish-NEw-Yorker-meets-wild-woman bullshit rom coms but instead he's just stepping back to hone his skills. And if he never comes back, he'll still be legendary for his eponymous TV show. If he starts taking some schlock film, he could end up being seen as the next washed up old comedian.

Comedy is a fickle lover. And as such, she must be paid her bounty and respect. If you don't do that, you could find yourself a living embarrassment to all that once made you great.

- Ryan