America, Fuck Yeah: Food For Thought In the July 4th Aftermath

The 4^th of July. A break in the middle of the summer, a vacation we don’t have to deduct from our hoarded vacation days. A little slice of American pride in a country increasingly muddled in division and self-loathing. 

We all know the drill – explosives, beer, preferably some sort of watering hole, an ocean is ideal. And everybody waves around flags, celebrating the United States of America and watching patriotic movies on basic cable. Ideally the day’s capped off by a rousing round of giving British expats the finger while reminding them this is a celebration of how our country beat their ass. But what does the 4^th of July really mean? I mean, seriously, we’re so far separated from that day I think it mostly exists for people as little more than some sort of radical USA Appreciation day replete with barbeques, fireworks, and red-white-and-blue beer cans but I wouldn't be surprised to discover that most people couldn't name the importance of that particular date, much less answer this question: what’s it really all about and what should we celebrate going forth?

Of course everybody knows that July 4^th, 1776 was the day we declared independence from Britain. “We hold these truths to be self-evident that all men are created equal…” no, wait, that’s the Preamble. Yes, the Declaration actually starts with “When in the Course of human events it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.”

By the way, this declaration was 1 page. The recent Dodd Frank act was a 2,319 page document. No wonder average people can't understand why it's so important and how  today's banks, robber barons, and various other 1% vultures are gutting it.

But back to the start, essentially the Declaration of Independence was a quick note put together by a bunch of the bigwigs of Colonial America, the original 13 states, to tell the King of England they were tired of him pushing them around and as such they were starting our own country. 2 things relating to today immediately come to mind:

• 
  This was all done in a room in Philadelphia with the doors and windows closed for secrecy. This was before air conditioning and, in fact, before any type of clothes which would end above the ankle or the wrist. So as all you east coasters lamenting the heat during this recent storm/heat wave and all its power outages, imagine wearing hot and itchy old linens in that Philly heat locked inside a suffocating room without even electric fans writing by hand a document that would essentially begin a rebel war. Miserable.

• Think about the dollar. Recently everybody was afraid of the Greeks going back to the drachma, how it would bring ruin on the Eurozone in general and Greece in particular, not to mention wide-reaching effects. And this would be by a sovereign nation simply returning to its old form of currency. Imagine how daunting it must’ve been to create your own currency and how complex the transactions would have been (I think we got some loans from the Dutch and the French) back then, before computers or stock exchanges or the IMF – though on one side, perhaps the lack of tools made lack of oversight slacker. Could you imagine starting a new currency today? Jesus, man, it would be impossible.

So anyway they made this declaration. And there’s the line from DAZED AND CONFUSED, “don't forget what you're celebrating, and that's the fact that a bunch of slave-owning, aristocratic, white males didn't want to pay their taxes.” (to which Randall “Pink” Floyd replies “Yeah!”). But it was bold, sure. Thing is, this wasn’t a victory – it was the beginning of the war. In fact, for all intents and purposes we were rebels, no different from the Confederates or, for that matter, no different from Che and Fidel until September 3, 1783. In fact, July 4^th wasn’t even the beginning of the war as the battles of Lexington and Concord had been fought in 1775 when our local militias began building up weapons. As such, this wasn’t America’s first war, then, as America’s independence had not as of yet been acknowledged by our owner. Even more, look at how we say it “4^th of July”. We Americans don’t say dates that way – we say month first, then day. Europeans say the date first (thus the discrepancies when filling out date-related paperwork in America vs. Europe – 7/4/12 being the American way, 4/7/12 being the European way). It’d be like a slave telling his master he was free and then celebrating the fact that he told the man – unless and until he fought free, he was still a slave. As such, the celebration of the Declaration of Independence is kind of arbitrary – would be much more appropriate to celebrate the Treaty of Paris on September 3, especially since fireworks are such an important part of the festivities (fireworks of course are traditionally used to mimic the explosions of artillery upon victory of a great war).

But even more, a war that deserves more patriotic attention, a war which should be given more respect and notice around July 4^th, aka “America Fuck Yeah! Day”, should be the war of 1812.

I was discussing this at a 4^th of July Party on Wednesday and as I found blank faces staring at me realized this is something that needs be addressed, especially considering that this is the bicentennial of this first true American War. That is to say, it was the first war on American soil with America as a true and developed nation, not as a group of colonial rabble rousers.

The War of 1812 is perhaps forgotten because it’s still not completely clear that we won or, for that matter, if anybody did. In some ways it’s also one of the first World Wars, even having both a European theater and a tropical one, not to mention heavy fighting from the French, British, Russians, Ottomans, and Americans.

Up until this point America was still looked upon as a little kid in the neighborhood whose big brothers (namely France and the Dutch) had to stand up for it. It went to "War" with France but that was really more of a landgrab and there was little to no actual fighting. It was the War of 1812 that pitted America against Britain, head to head, once and for all.

It started off with Britain impressing American soldiers into the British Navy. We'll concentrate on Britain in America and fuck the fact that the Franco/British battles in the Caribbean were some of the most famous in the history of naval warfare, or how Napoleon's charges through Europe were - well, just that, Napoleon's charges, and how the Russian side of the fighting was the backdrop for the masterwork WAR AND PEACE.

But the British started stealing our citizens and throwing them into the British Navy where there was a good chance they would be mistreated and beaten until they died at sea. Also we were pushing north to try and take Canada, this happening both around Nova Scotia and as far over as British Columbia where John Jacob Astor was leading a takeover of the fur trade, trying to dominate water routes for getting furs to the east coast (thus the reason all the great lakes are on the America/Canada border). Back then wars were fought for beaver and fox pelts. Amazing.

Anyway, this war has a couple important things that formed the American legend.

• It was our last war with Britain before we began a long history of international BFF-ness. It was the first proof that we as a nation would be able to hold our own with an army with thousands of years of war experience, a first step to what is currently the main reason America is still considered the leader of the free world - namely, our kick-ass military.
• The national anthem was written during the War of 1812. It was written specifically during the Battle of Ft. McHenry in Baltimore, a battle during which we literally just took a beating and didn't surrender. The British fleet ran out of cannonballs trying to bring down our Fort and when the sun came up after a night of bombardment the flag was still there. It was originally written as a poem by Francis Scott Key, a lawyer on a boat trying to negotiate the release of a friend of his. It was circulated through Baltimore and went on from there. A few months later it was set to the tune of a famous British drinking club song. So our national anthem is a drinking club song about how good we are at surviving a savage beating.
• The Burning of Washington, when the Brits captured and razed D.C., is the only time in American history that a foreign power held our nation's capitol. To fight them out and rebuild like that is nothing less than fuckin' awesome. Our White House was burnt but noble and brave Dolley Madison rallied her presidential SLAVES to run out with various valuables to keep the Brits from raiding the White House.
• The Battle of New Orleans was fought 3 weaks after the Treaty of Ghent was signed. Because of how fucking long it took to get word across the Atlantic, this was essentially a battle fought after the war was over and, even more, is one of the most famous. It was a massive victory for the U.S. in territory that had just become American. It also inspired one of the raddest songs in U.S. Military history about how we beat the shit out of the Brits with the great lines "We fired one round and the British kept a'comin'. Wasn't quite as many as there was a while ago. We fired once more and they began a runnin'. Down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico. Well they ran through the breyers and they ran through the brambles. They ran through the places a rabbit couldn't go, they ran so fast the hounds couldn't catch 'em, down the Mississippi to the Gulf of Mexico." 

So here it is. The War of 1812 was America's first victory as a nation, even if all we really did was not lose (that is to say, we didn't necessarily destroy Britain's military nor did we take over Canada who, it must be added, is still a part of the British Empire - we just didn't give in to Britain). It inspired our national anthem and a song that truly is part of the American legend of military domination (while the indelible image of the Revolutionary War is Washington escaping across the Delaware which, while pretty badass, is still essentially an escape story). And even more, this victory encouraged us to build a navy which would soon become the greatest in the world as well as encourage us to expand, a victor fresh from the fight with a cocky jaunt and an added sense of self-reliance.

Even more, the Declaration of Independence was simply a statement from a bunch of disgruntled rebels. For my money we weren't truly the sovereign United States of America until we'd won the war. And to celebrate the beginning of the war is almost an insult to all those who lost their blood, limbs and lives during the war. As such, I'm voting we move the 4th of July to September 3rd. It makes more sense. And we should have an epic celebration on December 24th to celebrate our first victory as a truly Independent nation. Wait, there's already something on that date, huh? How about on February 16th, when the Senate finally ratified the Treaty of Ghent. Wait, that's in that weird place around Valentine's Day and President's Day - Jesus, I guess in the end the 4th of July is good where it is, splitting the summer into two even parts. Just maybe do some research on what we're really celebrating because as we go further and further from those early days it becomes harder and harder to remember how and why this country was founded.

- Ryan