Visions of London: Olympic Events You Know Nothing About Week 8 (Get him a Body Bag Johnny, YEAH!)

Never has being great at judo, tae kwon do, karate, or whatever other form of fighting been so cool as it is now seeing how these styles are being incorporated into what's probably the most badass sport in the world, Ultimate Fighting. Sure, real competition is not nearly as cool as it's made out to be in the movies, but who would watch Blade, Jackie Chan, or any Jean Claude Van Damm movie if the fighting was similar to that of real competition? Although it was more than just the fighting scenes, even the Karate Kid films have a Rocky-esque element to them. Olympic martial arts competitions, though, are far different from anything Jet Li ever did.

Here is the breakdown of the two different sports:

 Judo (Gentle Way)

Number of Competitors

A total of 386 competitors will battle across 14 weight categories, seven for men and seven for women

Basics:

A judo contest is a five-minute whirlwind of combat, with athletes attempting a combination of throws and holds in a bid to defeat their opponents. It’s as if you just need to practice the awesome throw moves from Street Fighter to master judo.

The sport sees two athletes gain points for throws and holds in a bid to dominate their opponent. A contest lasts a maximum of five minutes, and the athlete with the highest score is the winner. The best score is ippon, which can be achieved for a throw, a hold, a strangle or an armlock, and results in immediate victory.

Tae kwon do (Tae: To Strike or Break with Foot, Kwon: to Strike or Break with Fist, Do: Way)-Loosely translated to the way of the hand and the foot or the Foot Fist Way.

Number of competitors

128: 64 men and 64 women. Each country is limited to two men and two women across all events and to only one athlete in any particular event

Basics

The object of Tae kwon do is to land kicks and punches on the opponent’s scoring zones: one point is awarded for a valid attack to the trunk protector, two points for a valid turning kick to the trunk protector, three points for a valid kick to the head, and four points for a valid turning kick to the head. Each contest is made up of three two-minute rounds. Over their standard white uniform, known as a dobok, competitors wear colored protective equipment. 

After reading on, the main difference is the focus of each individual sport. Judo is more UFC style, while Taekwondo is more apparent in the combat movies we know and love. Sweeep the Leg.

Either way, here are the top ninjas in the world:

 Teddy Riner- “Teddy Bear”-French- This 23 year old Guadeloupe-born monster might be considered the best judo fighter ever. At the ripe age of 19 he became a world champion as a heavyweight judo master and has added three more world titles in 2009, 2010, and 2011. There are  few fighters that even think they can beat him. I would probably do what I was taught to do when confronted by a bear, which is playing dead. Or give him my wallet. Either way, I don't want to be anywhere near this man in the ring. So, who can I compare this beast to, because it doesn’t seem like even the top fictional characters could take him. Although it’s not the same, all I can think of is Johnny from Karate Kid. Although he dominated Karate and not judo, this kid was the most feared fighter in the city. Not only was he so badass in this movie, but he was badass in every 80’s movie ever made. Draco Malfoy is a total ripoff of his badassness.

 

 Lutalo Mohummed-Great Britain- Ok, so this guy might not be the best, but he's probably part of one of the biggest controversies in the Olympics since, for some reason, he was picked over Aaron Cook, who is arguably GB’s best fighter. Who fucking knows what’s going to happen, but hey, I hope he proves the world wrong and dominates. Do you know who else proved everyone else wrong after his wife gave her boss a handjob? Fred Simmons, the inept karate instructor played by Danny McBride in his breakout role in FOOT FIST WAY.

 

Also, just for fun, this might be the greatest video in sports. Cuban taekwondo athlete kicked the referee in the head after a dispute during the Beijing Olympics. Fucking awesome. Here's hoping for a repeat.

 

- Kyle